Need a hand hold

[Imbluedalale]

That’s just it really. I really need a cuddle but that’s not possible so can anybody just support me right now? My mental health is on the floor right now I’ve never felt as low it’s making me feel so ill

Thank you ChoccieCornflake.
You’re so so kind , you sound like a lovely person.
I’m going to try and read some of my book and try and stop feeling so guilty .
I hope you have had a nice day . I’m just sat in the huge tv room but havnt got the tv on . I’m listening to the clock ticking and looking outside the window at all the big trees and yellow leaves everywhere. It’s quite relaxing.

Hope you have a better night’s sleep. It’s good your stay has been extended a bit, it sounds like the right environment for you. Hopefully a house will come up soon and you can start to rebuild (with lovely scents).

It’s not your job or possessions that make you ‘someone’ - you are someone, and a very precious someone at that! Your love for your children and your gratitude shine through your posts despite all you’re going through - that’s beautiful!

You deserve good things as much as your children do - you’re not depriving them when you enjoy them.

Sending big hugs and I hope you have a better night. ‘See’ you tomorrow you beautiful, strong fighter.

Thank you Ruralretreating.
I hope you have a lovely sleep too .
The eccentric nurse is on again tonight I can hear him cleaning . It’s quite very relaxing knowing he’s in close proximity and makes me feel safe. Whilst I was sat in the tv earlier the new resident from Saturday came down and I said hello and I was asking how he had been finding it and how his sleep has been . It was nice to have a little chat with somebody else who knows what you are going through with the feelings and thoughts depression comes me . I told him I ordered to many microwave meals with my order so I said if you fancy any of them he can help himself I said there’s some nice curry dishes and said he can help himself to the fresh cream slices I bought if he wanted something sweet .
Im just going have a cup of tea waiting for my meds kick in and maybe a few cheeky biscuits .Got some M&S sultana cookies so will make a cup of tea and have one but I’ll probably have 4. I wound definitely shop at ocado again they lots offered and u get 25% off your food shop listen you get to a choice of a free gift anything you from a list at the checkout . I chose a wooden baking spoon wasn’t having high hopes it about tbh and it’s then colour blue I’ve already wantes, going to have a fantasy peek at Joseph and Joseph and see what have have to tk Maxx websites to try and direct me mind.
Once I am in a home I can start to make it nice with everything will be mine and I’ll try and do one room at time a date . Going to make kids rooms first then that will hopefully settle more with all the change . I’ve told eldest he will always be welcome and stays.
Taking a dive in Joseph and Joseph now before I go sleep

OMG sultana better cookies are amazing ! Never tried biscuit before this good. Don’t have to get weighed . Tomorrow will be healthier for me

Gah Joseph Joseph is almost as dangerous a hole to fall down as Alessi - good luck!

OP I'm so sorry for what you are going through I would focus right now on your health if you re going to go to court for our kids you need to be fighting fit as possible ❤️. But just imagine how shit this would be if you were stuck in this state in a house with the kids dad? At leat your HCPs can access you, you are safe, you can rest its peaceful and you can have whatever treatment you need safe in he knowledge you'll be going back somewhere where you aren't going to be abused. Keep sending your children your love but I'd ty not to respond to any nasty words from your 18 year old. Be very direct and tell them what you are going through, that you love them but really can't take their abuse at the moment. I'm so sorry OP but one day at a time 💓

I hope you had a better night! Sending hugs for today and know that you are strong, worthwhile, and that whether today is a good one or a tough one you can get through this and make things better for yourself and your dear children by the work you’re putting in <3

Thank you Playgroundincident.
I know what you mean about if I was still there . The last few days I was it was torture , when I was discharged from hospital it was expected of me to go straight back to doing the household chores etc . It was very hard and took a long time but I got up and did it . Ex came in whilst i was sat down one day and booked a hotel room in front of me and lots of other horrible things but towards the end I put my headphones on whenever he was around so he couldn’t hurt me with his words .
I do feel safe here , a lot safer than I did in the hotel room.
My councillor said to try not to think about court or anything like that at the moment. My ex said no court in the land would let me have kids with my psychical and mental health but they keep reassuring me he’s wrong so that’s all I can go on when I get anxious about it . My mental health nurse said there’s millions of people out there and no matter how big or clever he thinks he is not everybody is going to listen to him and some people will see through him but we will see

Good afternoon TealPoet.
How are you today?
Thank you for your lovely message last night , it was lovely to read , thank you.
My mental health nurse said yesterday I need to start to learn to accept compliments because she can see by my body language that I find it hard to. She said to me yesterday that ‘if you believe just one thing I say believe you are so so strong because you are going through so much’ (I’m crying that) and she and the other man said they know I love my children but I need to get Laura back now . I don’t know if I can tbh

To succeed you have to believe in yourself. I believe in you. You should too.

It will take time to let other voices in than the poisonous one that has insidiously invaded you for so long. But you will, and you’ll learn to accept the compliments with grace, just as you offer them so freely (so many times on this thread!).

Is your name Laura? Did you know it originates from Laurel, and that because the Romans gave laurel crowns to those who won in contests or battle, it came to represent a victor? That would certainly be appropriate for you!

I saw your first thread and felt very sad and worried for you....what you are going through is unimaginable for me
I'm so glad you are somewhere being looked after.
You are stronger than you know and you sound like someone I would love as a friend

I hope today is a better day xx

Thank you MinnieOfThePinny.
Hopefully soon I will be able to believe in myself.
Thank you for believing in me , that means a lot .

Yes that’s my name , oh wow that’s amazing I never knew that .
Hopefully I will win this battle that I’m going through right now .
Have you had a nice day TealPoet?
I havnt done much today , felt tired and groggy all day. But I managed to finish my book and I had cereal and cup of tea earlier .
Don’t feel like I’ve achieved anything today but my body was telling me to rest so that’s what I’ve done .

Hi Munchyseeds2.
Awwww that is so lovely of you to say thank you so much .
It’s unimaginable for me too never in a million years would I ever of thought I’d be going through all this . But I am so I’m trying to deal with it . And all you lovely people on MN are helping me each and every day to get through it .
The hardest part of it all is not being or seeing my children but they know I love them and I know they are safe , warm and fed . And they are in my thoughts constantly x

Sorry I haven’t been around - not felt well today. I hope things improved for you through the day. Did you finish your book? Any more nice cookies? I hope you have a good sleep tonight. Big hugs!

Hi TealPoet.
Awww you poor thing I hope you start feeling better soon. Thinking of you .
Last 2 days havnt been great tbh but I made myself get up today and have a really long shower and abit of pampering . I managed to finish my book Aswell , it was good . Got 3 more books to read so might start another one tomorrow .
Havnt had any cookies today I’ve had some fruit and fibre and a mini M&S fruity curry and a cream slice which was nice .
Been texting my daughter this evening I asked her when she was coming to see me and said she hasn’t made effort and she said she’s really busy with college , work etc which upset me but what can I do?
Feel really on edge tonight a new girl turned up this evening and she’s been crying and screaming really loudly on phone to her partner for last few hours and it’s just making me feel panicky but I know she needs help too so I shouldn’t moan it just brings things back xx

Thank you! That must be very traumatic to have the new lady be so upset. I hope she feels safe and can begin healing soon, for all your sakes.

You’re doing so well even on your toughest days. That’s strength!

Thank you TealPoet.
I don’t feel like I’m doing well , I feel very lost right now. I don’t know who I am without my children I just feel like I’m nothing , it’s hard to explain.
The new lady must have fallen asleep as it’s all quiet now . Hope she is ok in morning .
Oh I spoke too soon .
The red haired guy has been painting this evening he never sits still bless him .
Also why are some men so sleazy? I’ve had 2 messages from 2 of the football dads last few days (who are both married) asking how I am and then saying if I ever want a cuddle to let him know , other one said he knows some nice secluded places we can chat . How absolutely vile . Blocked them straight away .

Even in your darkest moments there is always a sleazy skank waiting in the wings! The fact that you are showering and feeding yourself re achievements keep going OP everyone is cheering you on.

Thank you Playgroundincident.
That mean a lot .
I know , I’m seriously put off men for life! One of the men’s wives was one of them that contacted me saying she can’t believe I’ve left my children and took off and that my children deserve a better mum than me .
Anyway they are blocked now they can go and bother somebody else . I’m also thinking maybe my ex asked them to message me . I’m too paranoid I think

Oh you poor soul, these men are vile 🤢 I wonder what poisonous ideas they’re pouring into their wives’ ears? Urgh. I agree, lately I feel very ‘off’ men - even the nicest seem to have a predator lurking just below the surface.

It’s totally understandable that your identity is wrapped up in those you love best. Being a mum is a huge part of your identity because it matters to you so much - lucky kids! You’re still a mum just as much if you need to be away for a while though! And you need to rediscover the Laura your ex tried to destroy. Hopefully that’s the opportunity you now have, tough as it is.

I truly hope you have a good day and that those around you do too. Start your new book, eat well, send a loving message to your youngest who sounds sweet like you, and don’t give the haters and the sleezy horrors any of your attention - they don’t deserve it!

Sending huge hugs!

@Imbluedalale please take this with the good intentions it’s written with, but try not to chastise your daughter for not making an effort to see you. It’s too much pressure on her, as she’s been through a big upheaval and it’s not her job to make you feel better. You’re the mum. Just, at least for the moment, send love and a message that things will get better.

Hi TealPoet.
Hope you are ok today?
I didn’t sleep very well at all last night. Think it was because me and my daughter had another fall out and now feel guilty . I got upset because I don’t think she’s been there for me not just with this but with the cancer Aswell but then I think I’m being selfish. We used to be very close but since I’ve been poorly and everything else we’ve drifted apart. Maybe I need to back off a little bit and not show her I’m upset xx