Need a hand hold

[Imbluedalale]

That’s just it really. I really need a cuddle but that’s not possible so can anybody just support me right now? My mental health is on the floor right now I’ve never felt as low it’s making me feel so ill

Obs I spoke to my daughter but I mean in person and I need to get things off my chest xx

That does sound better than yesterday!
Take the small wins lovely

Jacket potato with cheese, beans and butter is one of my favourite things, but now I'm middle aged (old!😂) I'm trying to cut out rice, pasta and Potato's
It's very boring....

Hope you enjoyed yours! Xx

Hi OP, you are so strong! Sensitivity is double-edged, it makes you wonderfully caring and empathetic but opens you up to deep upset too. I get it, am same. And ruminate/overthink a lot. For me it seems to be part of how my ADHD shows up.
Try to keep taking things one step at a time. It’s brilliant that you’ve been able to make progress with your daughter. I’m sure you will sort things with your parents too. But look after you first please. And write that list of great qualities in your phone as well as in your head so it’s easily accessible and in black and white!

Glad you’ve had a good day ChoccieCornflake.
You should definitely have more food! I bet you look lovely just as you are!
Your right re my sister I do feel tremendous guilt for falling out with her but I’m definitely not ready to forgive or trust her again just yet but I do hope in the future we can reconcile.
Ive just had a good talk (and cry) with the councillor as she was very lovely and supportive. I’m glad I had a talk with her and got some of the stuff spinning round in my head out even though it’s not nice stuff to talk about .
I don’t feel like a person at the moment but if I ever do again I hope I’m less sensitive.
Got my jacket potato in oven nearly ready so going to have have that and then make myself have a shower xx

Hi TealPoet.
Are you ok? How’s your day been?
My evening is going ok ish thank you . Just waiting for my jacket potato to come out the oven .
I had a nice text conversation with my daughter on text and then she rang me which was lovely. She works at a posh Chinese restaurant and she was telling me that other day somebody tipped her £250! Obviously it’s shared between all the staff but she was chuffed and her boss is very pleased with her as she’s only been there about a month and he said she’s smashing .
I’ve been reassured by my councillor tonight that I am strong and I’m accepting all the help given to me so that’s reassuring.
I like to colour in lol 😂 I like adult colouring books . I did try doing that crystal art last year but it was too messy for me .
I could make my children something but they will probably think ‘what’s this’ lol . I’m going to send them all £20 each for next week to enjoy an activity with . My youngest wants to go swimming with his friends so that will pay for that.
I’ve bid for 3 more houses this week , you can bid for 3 per week so fingers crossed 🤞 xx

Yes it has been a better day today thank you. Yesterday I honestly didn’t know how I’d get through the day.
I managed to read quite abit of my book today Aswell but I’m itching to do something boring like hoover or make a Sunday roast , you don’t realise what things you miss when you are unable to do them .
Im having cheese on my jacket potato with abit of salt and pepper .
I remember I once went on a carb free diet when I was younger its was the hardest diet ever . I remember you could eat cheese though on this diet and I once got a block of cheese , opened it and just munched on it like a rat! lol 😂 xx

Thank you so much Ruralretreating.
Your so lovely !
I know people have said to me ‘who cares what people think’ but I care , too much.
There’s people out there right now that think I’ve left my children , had a breakdown and that I’m a bad mum and abuser and that really really hurts . I could imagine what they’d think if they knew where I was right now !
Tonight I’m going to make a list of all the lovely things you have all said and keep it in my notes . I think I’ll find it hard to read but I will try to read each day. Thank you xx

Honestly I wish we could make you believe that you are amazing and that things will get better
I hope and 🙏 for a few hours of good sleep for you tonight, lets keep everything crossed for a nice little house for you xx

You’re amazing :) My day is not too bad thanks <3 I never really have any energy but I’ve managed quite a few tasks so I’m pleased with that.

Do they have colouring books you can use in your room, or maybe a printer so you can have something nice to focus on? I imagine your children, at least the youngest ones, would appreciate something handmade. It would show how much you’re thinking of them, and perhaps help you see that you’re still doing a lot for them. I love to make cards, and my friends definitely appreciate the love that goes into them. One of my biggest frustrations is how few I can do now, but it’s too hard when you’re stuck in bed! Paper trimmers aren’t designed for it :D

Well done your daughter - she may not own it right now, but it sounds like she has inherited your lovely qualities. I’m sure they’ll enjoy doing something nice knowing that you want them to.

Thank you so much Munchyseeds2.
That truly means more than you’ll ever know .
My jacket potato was lovely.
Im keeping everything crossed to get a house soon too but if I’m not successful this week all it means is that somebody needed it more than me and that’s ok xx

Thank you TealPoet.
I think you’re quite amazing too! I need some of your courage and strength and wisdom .
It’s always a nice feeling when you can get tasks done isn’t it . When I clean I like to do a ‘to do’ list and a ‘wish list’ of what I wanted to do but had to push myself like cleaning kitchen cupboards or windows and I tried to do one wish list item at least once a week .
I havnt asked about colouring books but I will try and venture out to the craft room tomorrow , I definitely need to get out this room for abit.
I’ll see if I can make my children a card and post it to them and just say ‘I love you and miss you’.
That is so sweet and thoughtful making cards for your friends! I wish I had a friend like you I really do xx

OP - this, this is how your great attitude and empathy and strength shine through: “I’m keeping everything crossed to get a house soon too but if I’m not successful this week all it means is that somebody needed it more than me and that’s ok xx”

Just read that to yourself angain and allow yourself to believe you are not only a person but a very thoughtful and compassionate one.

Honestly you are so lovely and kind!! That's who you are - a lovely kind genuine person, and a fabulous mum!! I have all my fingers crossed that you get one of the houses you bid on! ❤

You give me too much credit, but thank you! I think many of us have been made insecure by the things we’ve been told through life, but you’ve experienced it on a massive scale. Your words to everyone here have been unfailingly unbuilding and kind. That makes you very special indeed!

I love your idea of turning some tasks into a ‘wish list’. I also find it interesting. I’ve always considered such tasks ‘stretch’ ones. Yet you - they’re things you have to push yourself to do, yet you made them your ‘wish’. You naturally seem to reframe things positively, and that gives me hope that soon you’ll be able to do the same for your own feelings and recovery. You deserve to apply the same positive view you have of others to yourself :)

I wish that tomorrow you can get into that craft room and tell us all about it, and have some nice things you can do - and show us. I love how we’re sharing positive thoughts here, and I’d love to see that grow and continue.

And I want to support you through this <3

Ruralretreating…
What you have wrote just there has made me cry but no sad tears just that somebody sees me like you and all the other lovely posts I get .
Im so used to negative things being said to me so for people to be so kind about me and my personality touches my heart .
Thank you for seeing something in me that I forgot was there xx

Thank you ChoccieCornflake.
It’s all you amazing people that are lovely and kind.
People I’ve never met are complimenting me and being so kind and encouraging and giving me strength I didn’t think I had .
Whatever happens in my life going forward I will never forget the kindness of all of you on here xx

What a brilliant update about your chat with your daughter! Strong, calm and steadfast will make you win in the long run.

It annoys me when people say to fight illnesses. How do you blimmin fight cancer? I expect your parents were anxious about you and want you not to be ill because it’s horrible for them (don’t mean that as a criticism of your parents. I’m sure they love you)

I'm finished work for the week. Got my granddaughter for a sleepover tomorrow. She’s just started school and is driving her parents a bit bonkers with her tired moodiness at home. She’s the love of my life.

I don’t think you get enough credit TealPoet.
You sound like an amazing human being!
I read an article once about things or tasks that you hate doing or put off doing instead of calling it ‘things to do’ call it a ‘wish list’ because when you look at it , it makes it seem less of a chore and it’s stuck ever since and it does work .
I will try my hardest tomorrow to push myself to go into the craft room so I can tell you about it .
Have you any plans for the weekend?
My youngest has a football game tomorrow and we used to get score updates via a watts app group chat and whilst I was in hospital this year and wasn’t able to be there I could cheer him on behind screen but yesterday I was blocked from the group chat (football mums now hate me) but I’ll wait until youngest tells me about it after game xx

Thank you Apolloneuro.
And thank you for the advice I really appreciate it.
I know it’s so annoying and frustrating when people say ‘fight it’ . I understand they was probably anxious and I get that but the lecture my dad gave me when I was laying paralysed in a hospital bed I mean talk about kicking somebody when there down . But i shouldn’t speak so negatively of them because at times they have been good to me and I do love them. I’m upset with them especially right now for not being there when I need them but it’s not all them it’s me too . Since the hospital incident I have pushed them away so I’m to blame for that although on the other hand if my daughter rang and told me what I’d told my mum I would drop everything and be by her side.
Awwww your going to have a wonderful weekend with your granddaughter, I hope you have lots of fun and make lots of memories xx

Glad they were happy tears OP! I honestly think it’s amazing, the inner strength you have, the receptiveness to advice, the fair mindedness and compassion. And it’s so easy to lose sight of all that especially as a Mum, but everything else you’ve been through too. Get the list written, read it often.

You know the truth about what has happened, hold onto that. The important people will know it too, later if not now. Ignore the football Mums nonsense. One of the best pieces of advice I’ve heard is don’t take criticism from someone whose advice you wouldn’t ask. It helps me sort the important feedback from the ignorant armchair critics. Nicer to get an update directly from your child anyway. Sleep well!

Thank you Ruralretreating.
Im writing my list as we speak , I’ve got a warm glow inside of me re-reading them. It’s only a tiny glow but it’s there and that’s because of all your lovely words .
I know re the football mums they never contacted me when I found out I had cancer so I don’t know why I’m so upset by it .
I love that piece of advice , I’ll use that in future.
There’s a Facebook page called ‘mysterious minds’ it’s basically a charity that supports families of suicides . Anyway I read a post on there that said ‘don’t let somebody tie your shoelaces when they haven’t been in your shoes’ . I quite liked that.
Hope you have a lovely sleep, sweet dreams xx

Hope you’re sleeping! This poem just came up on FB and I thought maybe it would help. You can always pull an extra chair here :)

Sadness came to tea last night
as she's often done before but I didn't let her in this time
I stopped her at the door

"I'm off to meet with friends", I said
"your timing isn't right
I can't allow your atmosphere
it's not the place tonight"

but sadness wouldn't take the hint
her manners lack finesse
her pace was slow and heavy
yet she kept up nonetheless

and even when I took my place
amongst my laughing friends
she squeezed herself right in-between
her boldness never ends

and I was sure my friends would see
this spectre at the feast
and somehow think me lesser
for inviting such a beast

but no, their warmth was undeterred
as if nothing was new
I think perhaps they know by now
I sometimes come as two

and even sadness seemed to glow
a lighter shade of grey
to know that she's accepted
seemed to lighten up her day

so let your sad accompany you
don't think her hard to bear
no need to face her all alone
just pull an extra chair.

Donna Ashworth
'Sadness comes'

What a lovely poem @TealPoet I especially like the bit about accepting all parts of ourself. No parts of us wish us harm and are all trying to help or protect us in some way, even if it seems the opposite, like ideas about hurting ourselves.

Yes, to overcome the negative thoughts we need to accept that they exist without believing them - much easier said than done! Maybe something like ‘Oh my ex’s voice is insulting me again’, or ‘that’s something he would say, but it’s a lie’? I don’t know.

Anyway I hope everyone here had a good night, and Laura, HUGE hugs! I hope you can colour today :)

Hope you’re ok! Sending hugs