AIBU to expect 4 cats to stay in utility room/study?

[notaurewhatusername]

We have 4 cats that are causing major issues. They're constantly pooing and weeing all over the house, including in the bath. I'm 14 weeks pregnant and worried about having a baby crawling around cat mess.

The utility room and study combined are the size of 2 bedrooms and have a cat flap, so they'd still have plenty of space and outdoor access. They've had their jabs to go outside.

DH lets them roam freely 24/7, even when we're not home. I want them confined to that room, maybe let out for a couple hours in the evening under supervision.

DH loves them but they're completely uncontrollable. The mess is disgusting and I'm at my wit's end. AIBU to insist on this compromise? I'm not a cat person but I think it's reasonable. DH won't budge and it's really getting me down.

How would you handle this? Am I being unfair to the cats?

I've never had to 'litter train' a cat, they've been naturally inclined to use a litter tray - in fact I don't really think you can train a cat to do anything!

Pooing and weeing around the home is usually a sign of stress/marking their territory (assuming any physical health issues that could cause incontinence have been ruled out)

Cats are mainly solitary creatures, they'll often accept a second cat if introduced early enough, but it sounds like that's not what has happened here. Cats arent group animals, and they definitely wouldn't be happy in a smaller space than they have now.

@notaurewhatusername tell him if they aren’t house trained by the time the baby arrives it will be a case of you or the cats . Frankly I think your mad having a baby with someone who can’t even care for his animals properly , doesn’t augur well for him helping with nappies etc .

This can't be for real!
Sorry, but nobody is this stupid.

More trays, a good clumping litter and scooped daily - it takes minutes!
Plug in feliway

You could try pointing out to him it's like you going for a poo and then not flushing and expecting him to go on top of it
Cats are naturally clean so they must be really stressed

The cats are stressed.

That's why they're crapping everywhere. They need a litter tray each, which is cleaned as soon as it's dirty, a mealtime routine, reliable access to the outside.

I was the one that took them to vets to get their snips and vaccines - he's always 'too busy' and I just can't take anymore

That's outrageous.

Not being funny, but he's setting the example of exactly what sort of father he is going to be........ 😐😐

We have four cats and one large litter tray. They all have access to the outside world but they come in to use the tray. Anything in it gets removed daily without fail. They neither pee nor crap anywhere else in the house.
The fact that your DH only cleans the trays every three days or so is I suspect a large part of the problem. First thing is to ensure he cleans the trays out daily and I suspect your cats may start using them again.

Cleaning 4 litter trays every three days? I am gagging at the thought. Surely the smell would be overpowering by then?

We had two cats and two litter trays and the poo was removed as soon as we spotted it and flushed down the loo.

If they are pooing and weeing round the house, I would hazard a guess that they are doing it because firstly their trays are not clean enough and secondly because they are trying to mark out their own territory and are stressed.

I would seriously suggest rehoming all four, have your baby and then revisit cat ownership again, but you DH needs to step up and look after them properly.

Cats pretty much hate toddlers I'm sorry to say.

Are the cats neutered now? If not you are looking at a lot more future cats. A cat getting out once accidentally and coming back pregnant but letting them out on purpose to come back with litters is the height of irresponsible cat ownership.

Even if you have unneutered toms, they are going to be aggressive and scent marking everything in sight.

All of them need neutering as a matter of urgency.

Change litter trays daily. I have 2 cats and one of them mostly goes outside but the second will start pooing outside the litter tray if hers is dirty.

It is concerning that your husband is so blasé about this situation. These are animals he supposedly "loves" but can't look after properly - not neutering them, then not bothering to clean out their litter trays. Is he going to be able to competently look after a newborn? I'd be worried he'd leave the baby in a dirty nappy all day.

He sounds feral as do the cats.
Cat urine is horrific and the whole house must stink. As for their poop. It is rank. I love cats but I wouldn't have this.
I find cats very easy to housetrain so I really think yours must be stressed. It's not typical for cats with access to the outside and litter trays to soil and piss in the house.

They are neutered and it was OP who brought them in, despite not being the cat person.
Her DP "was too busy".

Your husband is an absolute fool.

I sincerely hope he will be a better husband and parent than he is pet owner. He should be ashamed of his stubborn stupidity. Letting unneutered cats out to get pregnant is just unbelievably idiotic and selfish.

We have 5 cats and sort the litter at least twice a day absolute minimum. DH really needs to keep on top of it as he’s definitely not doing it enough.

we have 1 cat who will sometimes poo in weird places but it’s always linked to her suffering with an inflamed bowel. is it definitely all of them doing it? Maybe 1 is unwell?

God those poor animals

So is perhaps daily cleaning of trays step one and if he can't do it would it be unreasonable of me to rehome without his permission? I've had enough and he's really stubborn
op your relationship will die a very quick death if you do something this huge without talking to him, even outside of the fact they’re his pets, it’s a huge lie/ omission

Gosh aren’t you lucky having such a wonderful man as your baby daddy….🤔

Sorry I missed your post saying you had got them neutered because the 'catlover' was 'too busy'

From what you say, your DH unfortunately doesn't know what love is.

He 'loves' his cats but is too busy to take care of them.
He 'loves' you but doesn't listen to your opinion or care for you when you are carrying his baby.

Honestly if you can, I'd leave and go to your mum's.

Do you mean he leaves all poo and wee for days at a time, or does he scoop that out every day and then change the entire litter every 3 days?

Either rehome or become responsible cat owners. And if you're not a cat person and your dh is, then he needs to look after them properly which he isn't. They're obviously unhappy, and not going to get happier with owners that don't clean their litter box and add a new tiny screaming human to the mix.

Your cats are trying to tell you something!
Cats are clean animals. They won’t use a dirty litter tray. Each tray should be cleaned out as soon as they use it. Every 3 days is totally unacceptable.
The best way is to use a newspaper liner then only a handful of litter. Each time it’s soiled it gets cleaned washed and disinfected.
It’s really not difficult.

As others have said, this is highly unusual behaviour from cats. I grew up with cats, and the only time they had toileting accidents was when they were unwell and in one case when he got really old. We recently got 2 new kittens and there has not been a single accident in 2 weeks. They are very clean animals and toileting in random places is a sign of distress.

For reference, it was me who was keen to get the kittens, my DH went along with it but is not really a cat person and so I do not expect him to deal with litter tray cleaning or any toileting accidents - I wanted the cats and for that reason they are my responsibility.

Your DH needs to step up and sort out the litter trays every day. It is not fair on the cats and is causing them stress. No one loves scooping up poo but it is a basic requirement of being a decent pet owner and it really isn’t that bad and doesn’t take long. My 9 year old can do it competently - heck, even my 5 year old has done it (at her request and under supervision) without making any mess. Ask him how he’d feel about using a filthy bathroom with other people’s shit everywhere.

Also, how is your DH going to be about nappies (which are a lot more messy than litter trays!)

Am seriously concerned about your DH - he 'loves' his cats but can't do basic cat care. He 'loves' his forthcoming baby but can't create a safe environment for his wife to live in or the baby to grow up in. He needs to get his act together and fast.

This, in spades!

OP, if your husband doesn’t step up and start cleaning the litter trays
properly on a daily basis (scoop out the clumps daily, full litter change at a minimum of once a week, maybe more depending on your cats), then, unfortunately, you will have to do it until they are rehomed.

I understand your concern about toxoplasmosis. I also understand you just don’t want to do it. But the risks to you and your child are greater if the cats are using the house instead of a litter tray. Wear gloves and a mask when cleaning the litter tray and wash your hands thoroughly. Take comfort in the fact that if you have had the cats for a while before getting pregnant, you may already be immune to toxoplasmosis.

This is a useful website with more info specifically relating to pregnancy. https://www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/pregnancy-complications/infections/toxoplasmosis-pregnancy
I note they recommend a full litter change more frequently than I do.

Changing the litter tray every 3 days when you have four cats is utterly vile. We have one cat and if her one litter box isn't scooped daily it's gross. I can't imagine the stench of your house with three manky litter boxes and the cats not even using them half the time 🤮

Your husband needs to get a grip and stop neglecting the cats. Anyone who knows anything about cats knows that their litter box's cleanliness is sacred to them. And no, of course you can't confine four cats to two rooms of a house and not expect the territorial and anti-social behaviour to get even worse.

I would 100% refuse to clean up the mess since your DH doesn't want to change anything. He's now in charge of all cat mess. I would make sure you leave nothing you value (clothes, shoes, etc) out anywhere, and tell him to crack on cleaning up after the cats then.

He won't. It will be awful. And I would then leave over something like this.