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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to expect 4 cats to stay in utility room/study?

436 replies

notaurewhatusername · 17/10/2024 22:00

We have 4 cats that are causing major issues. They're constantly pooing and weeing all over the house, including in the bath. I'm 14 weeks pregnant and worried about having a baby crawling around cat mess.

The utility room and study combined are the size of 2 bedrooms and have a cat flap, so they'd still have plenty of space and outdoor access. They've had their jabs to go outside.

DH lets them roam freely 24/7, even when we're not home. I want them confined to that room, maybe let out for a couple hours in the evening under supervision.

DH loves them but they're completely uncontrollable. The mess is disgusting and I'm at my wit's end. AIBU to insist on this compromise? I'm not a cat person but I think it's reasonable. DH won't budge and it's really getting me down.

How would you handle this? Am I being unfair to the cats?

OP posts:
schtompy · 18/10/2024 22:36

The cats are stressed, whether or not you change the cat trays daily or every other day, they will continue to do this messing in the house.

BooBooDoodle · 18/10/2024 22:44

Sounds like you have too many cats and they are competing for territory and stressed - dropping their arses all over the place. Litter trays should be changed every day with that number of cats, not every 3 days, this could be why they are going elsewhere in the house, again they are competing with each other. Cats are clean animals and like clean. This is far too much if you’re pregnant. Cat pee and poop bloody stinks.

MellersSmellers · 18/10/2024 22:49

You have a cat flap so why are they pooing in the house?sounds like they have some behavioural problems, possible because there are 4 of them sharing the house!
I think you need to rehome at least 2 of them, then work on full house training the remaining one or two before the baby is born foe the sake of the baby's health and your sanity.

cocoloco23 · 18/10/2024 23:05

AnotherEmma · 17/10/2024 23:23

he's VERY stubborn and will not listen to me
He always acts like I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill
He will not listen and just thinks he is right all the time
He's now got angry and said I'm exaggerating it

OP, do the two of you disagree about other things, and if so, is he stubborn and angry about those too?
Putting the cat issue aside for a moment (and it is a big issue), if this is his general attitude towards your opinion, wants and needs, it is very worrying.
It's going to be even worse when the baby comes. What if the two of you disagree about something to do with the baby? Such as what name to choose, your preferences for the birth, whether you breastfeed or bottle feed or both, whether your/his family visit and if so how soon and for how long, decisions about whether to cosleep, sleep train... the list goes on.

The cats are already a big problem but I think they could also be part of a bigger one, sadly.

THIS

Those poor cats aren’t the problem. Your husband is lazy, “stubborn” and “angry”. He won’t listen when you’re telling him about something that could harm you and the baby. Instead, he gets angry. You know that’s not ok, right? You know this man will be a terrible father?

cocoloco23 · 18/10/2024 23:07

notaurewhatusername · 17/10/2024 23:47

@Charlize43 so you think he's lying and not scooping daily!

Yes, he’s lying. Your cats are stressed and peeing / pooping outside their tray because their tray isn’t clean. He’s lying.

Dogsbreath7 · 18/10/2024 23:26

The cats are probably stressed. They are really solitary animals. I would recommend rehoming two and see if it settles keep the two who may seem friendly with each other. I think 2 rooms and access to outside is fine.

health problems can also cause them to pee/poo elsewhere.

AngryBookworm · 19/10/2024 00:34

Four is a high number of cats to have if even you like them - it's not great that your husband has put four cats in the house that you didn't want. They're almost certainly stressed, if the trays are close together it's probably a territory issue too. Rehoming at least two would be a good start and probably better for them.

More concerning is how you ended up in this situation - is this lack of consideration for your wants and needs something your husband might carry on through your pregnancy and when the baby is here?

Lexilexci · 19/10/2024 03:58

when my children bought home a kitten I thought it was normal for her poo to be smelly and soft and to poop every time she ate food (I never had a pet before or been around anyone with pets so was extremely unknowledgeable).
She would also occasionally poop outside her litter box in corners of the room and there were poo smears.

I was not cool with this so researched on how to stop this behaviour repeating and why it could’ve been happening.

I purchased a pet carpet washer and special odour destroyer spray to remove the smell of the cat urine and poop and once dry sprayed a cat deterrent in the hope it would stop her thinking this was an alternative litter tray.
I discovered that some cats like more than one litter tray so I purchased another one and placed it somewhere different. I also tried an alternative cat litter (wood pellets).

This worked a treat and the unwanted behaviour stopped. distress is another reason why cats display this behaviour so it could as you suggested be because you have a new cat.

I have been through a few litter trays and found my cat to prefer the ones that have a roof, which is more aesthetically pleasing also. I found one that can double as a plant holder which looks lovely.

When I took her to the vet for the first time they explained she was bloated and it could’ve been worms or her diet that caused this and the soft stools.

she took the worming medicine but no worms and still had soft frequent stools so changed her diet.

Her stools were no longer smelly, soft and every time she ate. No more smears of poop!
As my cat seems to get bored of her meals quickly I introduce new wet food gradually every few months. This sometimes causes a slight stomach upset and her poos become runny again and sometimes I find bits of poo and smears outside the litter box which I now understand to be caused by a stomach upset (not reaching the tray quick enough) and not behaviour.

cleaning the litter as soon as it is used is ideal and I change all of my cat litter once a week by not only removing the old litter but washing the litter tray also.

try a cat forum or a vets for advice as I’m not sure if what I am doing is suitable for your situation but it works for me.

congratulations on the baby!

trinitytron · 19/10/2024 05:08

Hi OP. Cat person here with 4 cats. So your husband doesn’t sound like a responsible pet owner.

Re litter trays, they should be scooped everyday and cleaned (thoroughly cleaned as in scrubbed clean with soap) every 2-3 days. You can get cheap cat litter but I’d recommend getting the more expensive stuff so the house doesn’t smell, you can also get litter tray liners and self cleaning litter trays that are enclosed, this may be an investment worth having if planning to have 2 of them as indoor cats. Can I just ask how that works? How do 2 get out but not the other 2? Our cat flap is a chip reading cat flap but only scans on the way in not on the way out so how do the other 2 not get out?

I’ve read through as much of the post as I can but not all. Can I ask how old the cats are? I don’t think you’ve answered that, it’s normal when they are kittens to have a couple of accidents but it shouldn’t take long for them to litter train.
This is my general list of how to be a responsible cat owner, maybe you should show it to him or get him to google it.

When first getting a kitten they should be adopted as there are millions of cats and not enough shelters to look after all the strays 😞

Once home they should be kept in a room with hard floor until litter trained so you can clean up their accidents hygienically.

Get them registered with a vet and vaccinated/fealed/wormed along with a general check up as soon as possible. Also get them insured.

Once 4/6 months old they should have their ops and microchips (they should not be allowed out before this!)

For me personally once a year old I let them out (hate litter trays so only have them
in the house when they are kittens) I have my garden cat proofed (google this as if he’s worried they will get lost then this may be a solution and mean you won’t need litter trays anymore)

What is also key is constant cleaning when you have animals (he needs to be willing to do this as they are his pets and you told him at the start they are his responsibility). I hoover every single day just because we have 4 and I mop every 2/3 days. We only have carpet in the bedrooms and most of the time the bedroom doors are closed.

I personally wouldn’t want the cats to be in a couple of rooms and not allowed to roam freely (within reason ie some doors closed) once older but if they were not litter trained I would absolutely keep them away from the rest of the house.

In regard to holidays for me the whole point of cats and not dogs is it’s so much easier. So when we go away we leave the cats at home, they have a water fountain and an electric feeder, the cat flap to come and go as they please & a little cat cam so we can check on them, I also get my mum or a neighbour to pop in once a day to check on them and give them some wet food. We close doors to living room, bathroom & bedrooms so they have access to kitchen/diner and the hallway landing and stairs.

It sounds like your husband has had 1 or 2 cats, not done the above and let them out to get pregnant and then kept some of the kittens and again hasn’t done the above to train them and now you and your house are suffering. If he cared about them as much as he says he does he wouldn’t have let his cat get pregnant once let alone twice.

Going forward it definitely wouldn’t be unreasonable for you to demand things change, especially since you are now pregnant, I have 4 kids too so I know what it’s like with cats around. Remember when your child is young never leave them unsupervised with the cats. He needs to litter train if keeping as indoor cats and until then they should be confined to a hard floor room or rooms. He needs to clean litter trays properly and regularly. Once they are trained he needs to have all the carpets cleaned. Once you’ve got past all of that life should be so much better and in future he needs to know it needs to be a joint decision to get any more pets.

I hope this helps and doesn’t come across as rude. This is just my opinions and what works for us so not everyone will agree with all of it. I hope it gets better for you.

JuniperKeats · 19/10/2024 05:44

Are you real?
it’s really dangerous for you while pregnant.
cats naturally want to be clean. There is a problem.
Firstly check with the vet that there are no health issues and ask for suggestions.
Find a pet trainer who will assist with training.
Employ someone to clean the litter trays every day.
You won’t be able to re home the new baby easily, you need to find solutions to these problems quickly. Move out if you can until the situation is resolved. He might take it more seriously.

FluffyBenji23 · 19/10/2024 08:12

I've had cats all my life. I've also also had a cat flap wherever I've lived and so after the tiny kitten stage I don't have litter trays in the house. The only time there are accidents is when a cat has been really poorly or very elderly - coming to end of life. I don't understand why they are doing this in your home? Can you ask your vet for some advice/see a pet psychologist?

CatMummyOf3 · 19/10/2024 09:03

AgileGreenSeal · 17/10/2024 23:07

Yes, you cannot have cats around newborns. Especially cats that poo and wee everywhere. Get them out of your home now.

I'm guessing you don't like cats. Which is your prerogative, but means you've no idea what you're talking about.

@notaurewhatusername You absolutely can have cats with a newborn, as long as the cats are looked after correctly - which unfortunately is not the case here. Cats need space, clean trays (1 per cat +1) which are spaced around and not near their food or water. Impossible to achieve when 4 cats are cooped up in two rooms. Especially when they don't all get on.

The trays need to be scooped as soon as they are pooped, and cleaned regularly - trays washed and fresh litter put in. Cats can be fussy about the type of litter used; try different types to see what works.

You say 2 (?) of the cats are indoor only, but you have a cat flap for those that go outside - how does that work? Is the flap locked to contain the indoor cats, or do they not want to go out?

Cats need to play to reduce boredom and stress, do they have any toys, does DH interact with them at all? You don't need expensive tatt; a stick with a long piece of string to wave around, scrunched up paper, crisp packet tied into a knot, or a cable tie they can chase.

Cats love to climb, a cat tree (with scratching posts) is a good investment, and shelves they can jump onto.

A pp mentioned UTI being a possibility. Get the cat(s) to a vet for a checkup. If you've ever had a UTI you will know how unpleasant they are! It can be managed, but first it needs to diagnosed.

Your DH needs to step up, now. These are his pets and he is not looking after them correctly. But no, you absolutely cannot rehome them without his knowledge.

coffeesaveslives · 19/10/2024 09:43

I think people are wasting their time posting with advice about litter trays, diet, medication and plug-ins.

I'm sure OP has posted about these cats before and the situation was just as bad then as it is now. Neither of them care about the cats and they deserve to be re-homed to owners who actually give a shit about their wellbeing.

AgileGreenSeal · 19/10/2024 09:54

CatMummyOf3 · 19/10/2024 09:03

I'm guessing you don't like cats. Which is your prerogative, but means you've no idea what you're talking about.

@notaurewhatusername You absolutely can have cats with a newborn, as long as the cats are looked after correctly - which unfortunately is not the case here. Cats need space, clean trays (1 per cat +1) which are spaced around and not near their food or water. Impossible to achieve when 4 cats are cooped up in two rooms. Especially when they don't all get on.

The trays need to be scooped as soon as they are pooped, and cleaned regularly - trays washed and fresh litter put in. Cats can be fussy about the type of litter used; try different types to see what works.

You say 2 (?) of the cats are indoor only, but you have a cat flap for those that go outside - how does that work? Is the flap locked to contain the indoor cats, or do they not want to go out?

Cats need to play to reduce boredom and stress, do they have any toys, does DH interact with them at all? You don't need expensive tatt; a stick with a long piece of string to wave around, scrunched up paper, crisp packet tied into a knot, or a cable tie they can chase.

Cats love to climb, a cat tree (with scratching posts) is a good investment, and shelves they can jump onto.

A pp mentioned UTI being a possibility. Get the cat(s) to a vet for a checkup. If you've ever had a UTI you will know how unpleasant they are! It can be managed, but first it needs to diagnosed.

Your DH needs to step up, now. These are his pets and he is not looking after them correctly. But no, you absolutely cannot rehome them without his knowledge.

I'm guessing you don't like cats.”

You guessed wrong. I do like cats, and had cats for years but I like humans more and would never advocate for a newborn human baby to be brought into a home with four cats peeing and pooing everywhere. 🙄

MissingOutOnLife · 19/10/2024 10:43

Sounds like you need to get rid of the cats and the husband!

He's not taken responsibility for them after you said you weren't getting involved and if he can't clean up after HIS pet cats, do you really think he's going to take responsibility for a baby?

Kick them all out and deep clean the house ready for your new arrival.

Gonk123 · 19/10/2024 10:45

Ultimatum - look after the cats or they go. Simple!

CatMummyOf3 · 19/10/2024 10:49

AgileGreenSeal · 19/10/2024 09:54

I'm guessing you don't like cats.”

You guessed wrong. I do like cats, and had cats for years but I like humans more and would never advocate for a newborn human baby to be brought into a home with four cats peeing and pooing everywhere. 🙄

So your solution is to just get rid of the cats, instead of fixing the problem by making their home suitable. No wonder pet shelters are overwhelmed 🙄

AgileGreenSeal · 19/10/2024 11:00

CatMummyOf3 · 19/10/2024 10:49

So your solution is to just get rid of the cats, instead of fixing the problem by making their home suitable. No wonder pet shelters are overwhelmed 🙄

The OP can’t get involved with the litter tray/ poop situation due to her pregnancy. Her husband is in denial and uncooperative.

In her case, yes, I think rehoming is the only feasible option.

K0OLA1D · 19/10/2024 11:10

AgileGreenSeal · 19/10/2024 11:00

The OP can’t get involved with the litter tray/ poop situation due to her pregnancy. Her husband is in denial and uncooperative.

In her case, yes, I think rehoming is the only feasible option.

I had cats and have 2 dc. As long as hands are washed and the litter trays are cleaned there is little to no risk. Gloves can be worn as well. 30% of humans in the UK have already had the virus without even knowing.

BizzyLizzyandLittleMo · 19/10/2024 11:59

Put all the cats out in the garden during the day and let them back in in the evening. Allow them closely supervised access to the lounge when you're in it during the evening so they can get some attention then put them in the utility area at night with open cat flap in case they need to go to the toilet during the night. Leave clean litter trays available just in case. I think the cats are feeling too restricted. Cats like to roam freely but will return home when hungry. I have never kept mine locked up but have restricted them to downstairs only in the past. Always free access to out doors and prior to cat flaps they were out during the day and in at night,
Hope you get it sorted

AlertCat · 19/10/2024 12:07

K0OLA1D · 19/10/2024 11:10

I had cats and have 2 dc. As long as hands are washed and the litter trays are cleaned there is little to no risk. Gloves can be worn as well. 30% of humans in the UK have already had the virus without even knowing.

The virus can be fatal to foetuses. I know a woman who lost her baby at 35 weeks because she had toxoplasmosis. She herself hadn’t had any symptoms but her baby died. I don’t think anyone should be so blasé about telling a pregnant woman that there is “little to no risk”. It’s not true and it’s not fair.

AgileGreenSeal · 19/10/2024 12:23

K0OLA1D · 19/10/2024 11:10

I had cats and have 2 dc. As long as hands are washed and the litter trays are cleaned there is little to no risk. Gloves can be worn as well. 30% of humans in the UK have already had the virus without even knowing.

If you’re a cat lover and want to take the risk nobody will stop you.

The OP isn’t a cat lover and made it clear before her husband got the first one that she wouldn’t be doing any of their care. She has particularly said she finds dealing with the poop objectionable.

Are you seriously suggesting she should get on her Marigolds and roll her sleeves up now?

AgileGreenSeal · 19/10/2024 12:24

AlertCat · 19/10/2024 12:07

The virus can be fatal to foetuses. I know a woman who lost her baby at 35 weeks because she had toxoplasmosis. She herself hadn’t had any symptoms but her baby died. I don’t think anyone should be so blasé about telling a pregnant woman that there is “little to no risk”. It’s not true and it’s not fair.

This

K0OLA1D · 19/10/2024 12:33

AlertCat · 19/10/2024 12:07

The virus can be fatal to foetuses. I know a woman who lost her baby at 35 weeks because she had toxoplasmosis. She herself hadn’t had any symptoms but her baby died. I don’t think anyone should be so blasé about telling a pregnant woman that there is “little to no risk”. It’s not true and it’s not fair.

Well aware. Which is why, when I was pregnant I spoke to my midwife. Who stated that as long as precautions were taken then there was little risk. I aren't making it up.

BettyBardMacDonald · 19/10/2024 12:40

coffeesaveslives · 19/10/2024 09:43

I think people are wasting their time posting with advice about litter trays, diet, medication and plug-ins.

I'm sure OP has posted about these cats before and the situation was just as bad then as it is now. Neither of them care about the cats and they deserve to be re-homed to owners who actually give a shit about their wellbeing.

This. Those poor animals.

And good luck to the new baby. I doubt he'll transform into father of the year.

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