AIBU to expect 4 cats to stay in utility room/study?

[notaurewhatusername]

We have 4 cats that are causing major issues. They're constantly pooing and weeing all over the house, including in the bath. I'm 14 weeks pregnant and worried about having a baby crawling around cat mess.

The utility room and study combined are the size of 2 bedrooms and have a cat flap, so they'd still have plenty of space and outdoor access. They've had their jabs to go outside.

DH lets them roam freely 24/7, even when we're not home. I want them confined to that room, maybe let out for a couple hours in the evening under supervision.

DH loves them but they're completely uncontrollable. The mess is disgusting and I'm at my wit's end. AIBU to insist on this compromise? I'm not a cat person but I think it's reasonable. DH won't budge and it's really getting me down.

How would you handle this? Am I being unfair to the cats?

You should clean poops as soon as you see them, wees scooping once daily is fine, emptying/washing/replacing litter every 3 days is fine. Cats going anywhere other than the tray or outside is very much not fine or normal in a young healthy cat, even if it's 'only' once a week. Once they have gone somewhere outside the box you (well, your husband) need to clean it properly with an enzymatic cleaner, otherwise the cats will be able to smell it and think it's an ok place to go.

Maybe try different types of litter until you find one they will use reliably. You are absolutely not being unreasonable to want to keep them in just a couple of rooms unless supervised.

Because my children are absolutely besotted with them, and I think that's great for both the cats and the children. They come in the door from school and run straight to them. Don't get me wrong, I care for them. My point was more that there are those people whose love for their pets is so intense, that it is far greater than any annoyance at the odd vomit or toilet accident, whereas my fear/squeamishness of toilet accidents or rats/mice being brought in is all-consuming (not claiming there is any logic to it, it is what it is), and means the only way we can have the cats is if they don't have access to all areas of the house.

We have 5 cats, we have adequate litter trays, clean them daily, and pay for quality litter that is recommended for multi cat households. We have had one who took to weeing in random places, had a vet visit to check he didn't have a uti. Vet said it was behavioural and recommended we spray feliway directly on his collar. We did, and he's never done it again, we re spray his collar once a week. No idea if it works for poos as well but in a multi cat household, it's likely to be a stress reaction. He's the one of ours you'd think was the least stressed, he gets on with all the others, asserts himself at feeding time etc but the feliway definitely makes a big difference to him.

Just change the litter tray you can’t leave it for three days. They won’t use it if it smells or is dirty.

Hi op I’d move out - if this is how he cares for the cats then god help your child. He’s neglecting them AND you.

With 4 cats you need 5 seperate litter trays around the house. Poo needs to removed immediatly.

These cats are clearly unhappy. He is neglecting them. Cats toileting in the wrong place is a sign of illness and distress. They all need to be checkes out by the vet.

Ideally you need 2 trays per cat, some like to pee/poop in different trays.

Trays need cleaned out each day and poop removed straight away.

(As an experiment, don't flush your toilet for 3 days and see how you like shitting in it.....).

I'd suggest moving out. This is no set-up to bring a child into.

All the cats need to have full time 24/7 access to the big outdoors. As a minimum they should have access all daytime. They are cats, they need the stimulation.

Litter tray needs scooping once a day or twice if the cats are sharing. Fresh litter every other day.

How often should we and poo be scooped?

As often as possible, our routine is twice a day (morning and evening) and our cat loves when we do it. If you smell or see poo then scoop it up then.

How often should the whole tray be emptied and new litter bought and put in?

How often new litter is bought will depend on how big the bags are and how much you use. How often the whole tray emptied and new litter put in, depends on what type of litter you are using, and how effective your husband is at cleaning it. In theory every 2-3 days or even once a week (or longer) could be absolutely fine BUT it depends on how effective his scooping is. From experience some people just scoop poo and are awful at getting the wee bits out but think it is fine as it isn't so obvious to the human eye. Most cats won't use a tray if they can detect urine in the tray.

I don't think he has ever disinfected the actual tray I will ask him but I'm confident he just changes the litter - is this also not acceptable!

This is a nice to have but no I wouldn't say this would be the main problem for your cats and other factors need to be resolved.

Other points:

You haven't mentioned what kind of litter you use although appreciate you might not know if you don't get involved in it. As others have mentioned you need to be using clumping and it could be worth trying different types which your husband might find easier to clean more effectively. Wood vs clay is opposite in how you clean the wee for example so he might find one easier than the other.

I am unclear from your posts on what their access to the outside is like as you refer to them having access but also asking about letting them outside as your husband doesn't like to all the time?

My Cat From Hell is a very American show but does have good points on dealing with cat toileting issues which are either health or stress related. Themes are litter trays not clean enough, not large enough, not enough of them, some cats may prefer open or enclosed ones. Stress can be linked to not enough space/belongings they feel is their own, not enough exercise/play, or difficult relationships with other cats/humans in the household.

Scooping at least daily or more often eg when there's a new poo. It takes seconds so absolutely nobody 'doesn't have time'.

Changing the litter depends on the type, how often they actually use the tray and also what their poos are like, it will need doing more often if any have soft stools.

We've always had multiple cats and fostered for a rescue charity and I've done a lot of research into what litter is 'best' in terms of ease of use, cost/value for money and how long it stays clean and have concluded this is best.

https://www.zooplus.co.uk/shop/cats/cat_litter/greenwoods_cat_litter/greenwoods_clumping_wood_litter/475317?origin=hopps&q=litter&i=1&ro=20&activeVariant=475317.3

It might seem expensive but it lasts forever. Scoop it daily and it can go weeks without a full change. If you need to clean trays, you can combine the depleted litter in one tray, clean the empty tray and refill, then alternate which trays get a proper clean.

I see a lot of people talk about disinfecting trays, but be aware that many disinfectants are poisonous to cats so I always just use hot soapy water, it's easiest to do it in the bath, and a pet safe disinfectant cleaning spray for any stubborn stains.

But like a lot of PPs have said, your cats are behaving like this because they are stressed due to not having their own space and being neglected. He needs to up his game massively with their care and also seriously consider rehousing the one that doesn't get on with the other 3.

Some cats are companionable and like other cats, some will happily coexist if they have their own space and some will not want to share their environment with any other cats and in this case its much kinder to rehome to somewhere where they are the only cat in the household.

We've been fortunate in that we've rarely had issues but they've always had free reign of a medium sized house with lots of hidey holes and accessible high spaces and the outside which is semi rural so woods, fields and stables but there has been a couple of times where we've had a cat who's clearly not been happy in our environment so we've rehomed them.

https://www.dr-beckmann.co.uk/products/pet-stain-and-odour-remover/

This is also really good for cleaning carpets and soft furnishings where necessary, you can get it in supermarkets, Home Bargains type places etc.

This is nuts. I would be telling my DH it’s the cats or me and the baby. Either way, someone would be moving out of that house before the baby is born. (Personally, I would’ve been gone at the second cat or the first sign of shit around the house, but each to their own…)

Yes, he is most likely lying because you are now trying to hold him accountable and he doesn’t like it.

If you had the proper amount of litter trays for 4 cats, which would be 5-6 trays, and he was scooping them morning and evening they would use them.

It is not likely to be a medical problem since there are multiple cats displaying this behaviour. Either they don’t have clean trays (most likely), or they simply won’t be litter trained. If it’s the latter then they will need to be rehomed to outdoor-only homes, perhaps as farm cats. Maybe spell that out for him if he still tries to claim that he’s cleaning the litter.

But honestly just leave him. He sounds like a selfish, egotistical manchild.

Would you pee in a loo that 3 other people and peed and pooed in for 3 days without flushing? I'd pee and poo elsewhere.
DH needs to add more litter trays and clean them morning and evening. There are very expensive litter trays that self clean.
If that doesn't work then you'll need a rethink.

OP we had this same issue. The cats were stressed out. Resolving things fixed the pooping issue. Plus scooping after every single poop. If you can see poop it needs scooped. Not by you though!

I would call his bluff now. Lay it on the line. As parenting is teamwork and you are not a team. You stay or the cats stay. Let him choose. Brutal but you should k ow now if he is going to prioritise his wife and baby or 4 cats.
You can complain a baby cannot!

Or you take control and tell him this cat situation is not working and you need them gone. It he ignores you then he isn't taking you seriously- major parenting clashes are coming your way. Or he freaks out and again this is a major red flag that the you are not a compatible couple.

He may listen but I doubt it. I'm sorry but it's better to leave now than with a newborn.

That was completely irresponsible of him. He's not acting like he loves these cats, he's neglecting their needs and he's not caring for them. Caring includes providing what an animal needs the very basics, like clean litter trays and vaccinations. He either needs to start caring for them properly or he needs to find them homes with people who can. The fact he thinks it's okay for his cats to shit all over the house and doesn't care how stressed they are is really worrying. Who thinks it's ok bringing a baby into a house with.animals that suit everywhere.

Especially since it's a lot easier to move for family support before the child is born rather than after.

I think you definitely need to address the fact they’re going to the toilet throughout the house. That is not normal cat behaviour. Are they litter trained?

as a cat owner myself I’d actually be suggesting something a little more extreme than keeping them in two rooms and I’d be suggesting they be rehomed. 4 cats sounds really excessive. They say you should have twice as many litter trays as you do cats so there should be 8 in your home.

are they all the same age/did you get them the same time? It’s really not normal for them to be going to the toilet throughout your house. It could be stress/a health problem as to why they’re doing it. Not being unreasonable at all to address it but I do think 4 cats in two rooms all day would go slightly mad.

I don't think you have a cat problem. I think you have a DP problem.

You should be extremely concerned about how he is going to step up - or not - when the baby comes along.

He seems totally convinced that his way is the right way, when it clearly isn't. It doesn't bode well.

Reading your message made me think how much worse the situation will be when your baby arrives and you and your DH haven’t had much sleep. The cats may also be upset by the baby so their toileting habits might get worse.
I am a cat lover but I honestly think 4 is too many in your circumstances. Probably for most families, 4 is too many. Your cats seem to be unhappy which is why they are toileting around the house.
🌷to you OP.

These cats are being neglected.

One of you needs to be scooping the tray for poo as soon as they go, and for pee at least twice a day.

I have not RTFT but I am surely sad.

Cats need very little toilet training, if they go outside the litter boxes it’s 100% either a behavioural or a health problem. It can of course be both combined.

The cats are not well and/or unhappy, and neglected.

They are by nature very clean animals and small, solitary predators with many natural enemies. They don’t soil around on their territories because keeping a low profile is what cats do instinctively.

if the cat’s poo smells it means they are fed crap food. I don’t know a single cat on BARF whose poo smells, it’s normally odourless if they are given biologically appropriate food.

LITTER ROBOT.

Lots of vets and the cats protection league recommend to bring your cats in at night due to something like 80% of road traffic accidents involving cats happening a night, they also kill more wildlife at night. Our cats come in at night but are out all day and we don't have any problems like this. We have a litter tray that rarely gets used as they are out from 6/7am in the morning.

However OP in your case it sounds like your cats are incredibly stressed out and I would give them outside access 24/7 as the benefits in this case outweigh any reason for keeping them in overnight. Four cats together in one room where they can't get out overnight is to much.