Found out I was left out of secret family inheritance

[Teaortea]

I am married with two children. I live in the UK but grew up in a different country where my DM and DB still live.

A few years ago my aunt in my home country (DMs brother's wife) passed away. They had no children.

I found out 6 months ago that at the time my DM and DB (single, no kids) inherited £10,000 each and agreed between them not to tell me.
One one knows why my aunt left me out, possibly dementia? Or not being in the same country?

I felt sick when I found out, both at the fact that they'd conspired together to not tell me and that they didn't share any of the money, especially my DM didn't even send my DCs a little bonus or anything.

I'm not saying I am entitled to any of the money but I am feeling left out of the family and protective of my kids who seem to mean nothing to rhem.
There is a history of my DM treating me badly bordeinf on neglect and abuse when I was younger, favouring my DB but this seems so unbelievable, even for them!

My DH says it's unforgivable the way they've left me out, lied by omission and not even wanted to gift the kids.

Aibu to still feel upset and that they were the unreasonable ones? I have been LC since finding out.

How do you know your aunt didn’t leave you anything? Is it possible that she did & your DM didn’t pass it on?

💯

Totally agree but I don't understand why people are being judgemental in this post .
its horrible because we don't know the whole story
we have just been told a snippet yet people conclude OP is being grabby etc .
sometimes sharing stories need a full understanding but how in a post that needs summaries .
anyway from my experience these sort of issues can be upsetting but I for one won't be surprised at humans anymore not even from parents to be honest .

My daughter barely contacts me says I don’t love her since she found out I gave(IHT) one of my houses to her brother. How? X husband dripping poison into the well? I gave her 1K Xmas but she ‘had to lie for me’ as I don’t send cards. What did she lie about? She’s going the right way for me to change will further - it’s my hard earned. The person who suffers most is my grandson; haven’t seen since March -she has no idea what I have done with the rest of my estate.

Of course it's your money, but like it or not it's hurtful when one child is given preferential treatment. Giving one child a house is extreme preferential treatment. It's up to you what you do with your money, but how she feels about that is up to her too. It was always going to cause drama and I'm sure you knew that. The rest of your money might all go on care fees anyway. That's often what happens when people make a big song and dance of who they are leaving their money to and cause upset about it when they are still alive. My grandparents quietly went to the solicitor and divided their will equally without a word. That's what i intend to do rather favouring one of my kids.

Why would they tell you? The aunt wanted to leave them money and not you no need to discuss it or tell you. It's not your business!

Your point is moot based on ltd. posted info. I didn’t think it would cause problems because she didn’t know. Why is someone following the property register to check this & who told her. Husband’s mucky finger prints all over that. Control freak had to be made, in solicitors office, to cancel my bank ap on his phone as he monitored what I was spending after divorce. Money won’t go as fees as my son is my carer saved my life once & my health probs mean I will drop dead! She now says I don’t love her after a lifetime of skirting her priapic alcoholic father trying to make a happy childhood. Didn’t invite me to her wedding, wasn’t told when she nearly died, given an appointment time when I was allowed to see g-son after everyone else. I’ve still given her money but that seems to be her contact motivator. Can I lend her 284K sulked (entitled or what?)when I explained Xhusband has money. She’s not hurt or upset she’s stymied -tried to get me to sign new will & poa in her favour when I was in HDU on morphine. No contact, her choice but I won’t allow her to take up kicking me around where her father left off.

@Teaortea I can totally understand you feeling hurt by their keeping secrets, though, to be fair, it isn't something most people would bring up in normal conversations.

I do feel that you should stop paying for everything for your Mom to visit. She had money that she could have saved for a trip to see you all, but it all got spent. That doesn't mean that you should have to foot her bills to visit, though.
I would just tell your Mom that you cannot finance her trips to you, nor pay for meals out etc. I wouldn't even tell her you know about "the secret" and go as LC as you need to go to be happy within your own little family unit.

Sorry but May I ask why you gave a child preferential treatment than the other ? You gave birth to both of them though .
I don't know why you did it as you might have your reason but maybe you try putting yourself in her position .

In defence my son has always come second to her tantrum wishes. She cannot see past husband’s manipulation Given the whole IHT/will he isn’t getting preferential treatment but her attitude, bolstered by my husbands machinations, is blind to this so your assumptions are fallacious.

Some of the responses here are absolutely batshit - “your DM doesn’t see you as family”, “they’d be dead to me” - over 10k WTAF! OP hasn’t even spoken to the aunt for 20 years, yet the mother and brother saw her regularly. Why would she have been left anything?! And why on earth would the mother and brother feel automatically like they should share what the aunt wanted them specifically to have (or mention it at all given OP’s attitude)? Absolute madness. I can honestly say that if my aunt left my sister money and not me, I’d think that was nice as they have a close relationship and I don’t live nearby.

From what I read, it’s not about the amount of money, it’s about honesty, and trust, or lack of, between close family members. 10k also is a lot of money to a lot of people and to suggest it’s not, seems quite out of touch.

Honesty and trust about what though?

There is no need for OPs mother and brother to keep her up to date about all their financial ins and outs. This is something that doesnt affect her, isnt her business.

Exactly this!

I do think the distance was why this came into play. Out of sight, out of mind. Perhaps they were supporting the aunt in a way that you are unaware of, but even if that is not the case, people are free to give to who they wish to and for any reason.

I know I would do the same and not tell my siblings if I was receiving and they were not. This would totally be out of respect for their feelings and any instructions given to me concerning it. They wouldn't need to know, but tbh, if they found out, I believe they should understand why I didn't want to tell them. I think it would be out of order if they started to vilify me in some way for trying to consider their feelings.

How would you feel if they told you about it but gave you nothing? I think I would most likely wonder why they would do that. I might consider them to be gloating and wanting to upset my feelings, even.

Also, what if your DM did buy your children something out of it, or give you some money perhaps? It's almost like she may feel she has to explain why she is doing that, but she can't protect your feelings if she tells you. This means you are suddenly aware you were not a part of the inheritance, which she would be aware you would be upset by, as you are.

Again, I feel like it's very plausible that they just didn't want you to have knowledge of the inheritance due to your feelings.

Please try and put yourself in their shoes. However, I really understand why you do not feel good about it, but maybe start thinking about why they could have done what they decided to do, and if it could have been to protect you and not hurt you.

In short, a woman gave some money to her husband's sister and nephew, who lived in the same country and were friendly with her, but not to the niece who had not been in touch with her for over 20 years.

This isn’t the right attitude and shows entailment, no body is entitled to an inheritance. It up to person writing the will. The aunt in this case, left a reasonably modest amount of money to her sister and nephew. Two people who lived close by and we assume spend time together. The niece had moved country with her own family and was leading a different lifestyle away from her close family.
an inheritance or lack of inheritance from an aunt in your home country is not something that should split up family . Especially £10,000 is not life changing. No body needs to discuss their finances with relatives it’s personal information and no one has the right to demand a share of someone’s money. The poster thinks her children should have been given money . It not the beneficiaries fault the received an inheritance im sure they would rather have their relative with them.
I think it be really sad to cause a family feud over this.

Surely the whole point about entailment is that you really are legally entitled to the inheritance.

(Yes, yes, I know it's a typo, I just liked it),

My phones predictive text im always making typos 😂

Exactly! The fact that op classes it as 'family' inheritance shows the level of entitlement!!

Did you ever speak or have a close bound with Aunt? Dod you call and check on her did your children do video calla / write to her. If no then 100% no entitlement. And the feeling of being sick is a little melodramatic.

Ive only just noticed that, such a good point

'family inheritance'!!!

The problem is the ongoing treatment by her mother as if she isn't family. She has felt excluded/unwanted for a long time and this is just the latest straw on the camel's back.

I wouldn’t care about the money, as you can’t force someone to leave or share money with you, but I would be angry about them conspiring and keeping it a secret.

She even mentions her brother not having any kids. Like as if he deserves inheritance less because she's managed to reproduce.

Have you actually seen the will?