To think that child-free people shouldn’t be expected to babysit or help with kids?

[TwinklyCyanPoet]

I’ve noticed that some friends and family assume that those of us who are child-free should be available for babysitting or childcare. Isn’t it unfair to expect this? Or is it part of being a good friend?

I’d imagine those asking you to babysit are doing so because they like and trust you rather than because you’re child free. Most of us willingly do things to help family and friends so there’s an assumption you’ll be someone those people in your life can ask. Doesn’t mean you have to say yes.

Depends what rate they're offering!

Of course it’s unfair to expect it - of anyone, not just someone who is child free.

I don’t want kids of my own but love being able to help out when I can. I’m probably the first person they call because it’s likely I’ll have the freedom to move things around to help out. Luckily I don’t feel taken advantage of by anyone, but would speak up if I did.

It shouldn't be expected but my brother and sister have had my kids since they were born. I feel very lucky. They don't have them often now they are older but would if I asked and they weren't busy or tired.

I mean no one should expect anyone to babysit, but people can ask their friends and family to babysit and they might want to spend time with the kids whether they have their own children or not. Or they might want to do a favour for their friend/family member.or they might not.

DH and I both babysat a lot before DS was born. I think all our friends would have been happy if we’d said yes or no! Never bothered me, but was never expected.

Nobody should be expected to babysit.

If you’re asked because you are child free then that’s unacceptable but being childfree doesn’t mean that you should be asked.

It shouldn't be expected of anyone, regardless of whether they have children or not.

Do you mean they expect it more from you, in a "well you don't have children so you've probably got more time" kind of way? That's obviously unreasonable.

I think it's unfair to expect it especially if you aren't close to their DC or experienced with children.
However if you were a child free sibling (DCs aunt/uncle) or close friend it would be nice to offer.

I am child free by choice and as much as I love my DNs, I don’t enjoy kids company so my siblings know I am not the one to ask to babysit, much like I wouldn’t ask my sibling who is a total cat person to look after my dog.

I was happy to be asked and would have said no if it was inconvenient or too frequent. I looked after the kids of a couple of friends (not in the baby stage) and enjoyed it. It generally was initiated by the kids themselves wanting me (they weren't overindulged if you're wondering!). It's nice now when they say remember when you were looking after us and....

It shouldn’t be expected of anyone.

that doesn’t mean a close friend or family member can’t ask for a favor. Just like you are allowed to ask for favors as well. If people decline, be gracious about the inability to meet the request.

Yes, exactly! It feels like there’s an assumption that because I don’t have kids, I must have more time or be more available, which isn’t necessarily true. I just don’t think it’s fair to assume that being child-free means I should automatically be the go-to for babysitting or helping with kids.

It's wrong and unfair to expect it. And its ok to say no. However I also think it's wrong to not try to develop a relationship with your nieces or nephews, but that's up to you. But if you choose not to be a part of their lives or help out a bit, don't expect family to run and support you when you are in need. I guess it just depends on the family dynamic and what you want from a family relationship. I think if a family don't help out a new parent at all, they risk a poor long term relationship with that sibling / adult child that will persist long after the babies grow up.

I'll be honest, I'd assume that you are child free through choice and because you DON'T want to spend your time looking after kids.

I think a child free person would be my last ask for childcare, simply because I appreciate that they are enjoying their freedom. Unless they offered I wouldn't ask.

Child free no. If it's the child's auntie or uncle etc you hope they might like to babysit once is a while

I doubt it is because they don't value your time. It may be because they value you as a person, a good influence on their child.

Or they may think that by being around their child, you will become overwhelmed with maternal desire and have babies and then you can all have playdates together!

I'd appreciate an offer from my sister-in-law, given that we "had" to have her as DD's godmother, to occasionally do something with her niece, but to no avail. It's not even that it would be nice if she could babysit (although that would be great), but to spend some time at all with her would be a good start.

I don’t think either way on the BU front.
As an Aunt, pre my own DC, I loved spending time with my nieces and nephews, and would be asked to and I’d offer to babysit. I’d take them out for treats too. I now have lovely relationships with them.

In contrast, my own childless SIL has never once babysat, or taken my DC for a treat in 20 years, and wonders why my now older DC have zero interest in a relationship with her.

This. I would occasionally babysit if needed, but there was no specific expectation because I was childfree. I did go on to have a child at 40, and it has never occurred to me to ‘expect’ any form of babysitting from my three childfree siblings or my many childfree friends.

This. I'm childfree for a reason.

I don't think there's anything wrong with closer friends or family asking, but of course they should not assume and should also respect a 'no'.

Surely it's up to you. I've been asked to babysit for friends at church because they knew I would not be attending the event they were going to with their friends. I was happy to oblige. Another couple at church are child free by choice but love being surrogate 'grand parents' for another couple at church whose own parents live some distance away. All parties benefit from the experience. No one feels used. If you don't want to do it just say No.

It feels like there’s an assumption that because I don’t have kids, I must have more time or be more available, which isn’t necessarily true.

No one should expect you to give up your free time, but people who don’t have DC do have loads more free time. I didn’t have my DC until late 30’s, before this I had a F/T job where I travelled loads. I had evenings and weekends free. I had child free holidays. I wasn’t on parent duty 24/7.

Thinking you have more time and should be more available just because you don't have kids is just weird. It's also bad form to 'expect' anyone to look after your kids really.

That said, in my group of friends we all looked after each other's children when they were younger, including our friend who doesn't have children, and do lots of other things to help each other out.