To have a rule not to lend money?

[Autumnbum]

Long story short, I’m due to come into a lot of money I plan on paying off my mortgage but still should leave a considerable sum. I no longer work (early 40s) and this money is to last me the rest of my life. I won’t get a good pension because I only worked part time.
My best friends know about the fight we have been through and I haven’t disclosed the actual amount I will receive.
One of my friends is going through a nasty divorce, has stated that money is tight and she needs a new bathroom and kitchen, but then she’s dropped little comments here and there about how I could lend her money so she can sort her house out, this has all been said in jest and she hasn’t out right said can you lend me £££.
I have always believed that when you lend money it comes between you and ruins friendships, but then would she resent me for not even considering it? How do I say no without her resenting me?

I agree with this. And once you start lending her money for this she will be needing’ loads of other things.

The money I have lent, rather small amounts, I've never got back from friends in the past, I wouldn't dream of lending a large amount, I can't believe people have the cheek to ask, she needs to do the same as everyone else, save or get on credit.

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend." wise words, as true now as it was in Shakespeare’s time.

Just tell her that it's all going into your pension otherwise you'll be living on beans in your old age.

OMG that’s absolutely horrific! Have you spoken to her since?

Wth! How are people so entitled?! As if they themselves would be happy to give thousands to others.

Absolutely not! Be debt free in four months though!

Definitely don't lend money to this person. Ignore any and all hints. If necessary close this down clearly by saying this won't be possible. If it helps you navigate this tell her that any part of the money you are not using is locked down in accounts for the next 5/10 years. If this causes the end of your friendship you haven't looked at a friend, just someone who thinks your money somehow entitles her. So you won't have lost a friend, just someone who is a user and saw you as an easy target. You will get a certain satisfaction from proving her wrong even while you feel sad if you discover she is not really your friend. 💐

You mention about her resenting you if you don’t consider loaning the money. Stop overthinking this. Don’t let how you think she’ll perceive you be a factor in your decision making. You don’t even know whether she will resent you, and I know for a fact, that you’ll massively resent her when she doesn’t pay you back!

Also, Her new kitchen/bathroom are not your problems to solve. If money ‘is tight’, then they’re shouldn’t be her first priorities. If she’s desperate, she can get a bank loan. If a bank won’t loan her the money, then how is she intending to pay you back! (Also, I’m sure it’s going to cost more than £10000!).

Love st a friend not looked at 😁

She's taking the piss. Just laugh next time she mentions it and say nothing

I would ignore it as long as possible, if pushed say “I’m not a bank, and have no interest in running one thanks!” and that it’s all put away properly for the future anyway. Then change the subject.

No!!!
And also ... NO!!!
Tell her its being invested for YOUR future.
FFS. I'm seething on your behalf.

Hard no from me!
I once lent my friend money for "essentials" never seen a penny back!
guess what the next week asked again and again at 2-3 in the morning! Bye Bye "friend"

Stop sharing your financial business!!! Recipe for 'cheeky fuckers' coming out of the woodwork! Tell her to fuck off - I absolutely would say this!

"One of my friends is going through a nasty divorce, has stated that money is tight and she needs a new bathroom and kitchen"
She doesn't NEED a new bathroom and kitchen, she WANTS a new bathroom and kitch.

"she’s dropped little comments here and there about how I could lend her money so she can sort her house out, this has all been said in jest and she hasn’t out right said can you lend me £££."
In jest, and with the biggest of big smiles on my face, I'd declare "Not a fucking chance!" In jest, of course.

"How do I say no without her resenting me?"
Do you think she asked herself 'how can I ask for £10-12k without her resenting me'? I very much doubt it! So I'd not be worrying myself about her reaction.

As above, I'd do the smiling 'not a fucking chance'. Any pushback to that and I'd hit her with both barrels. 'This money has to last me until the day I die. Are you saying you having a pretty kitchen is more important than me being able to put the heating on when I'm old? Well, is it?'. Be dramatic, lay it on thick, be visibly irritated/annoyed. And - fuck her if she resents you. Seriously. I'm resenting her, and it's not even my money!

Money brings out the worst in many people.

I would not tell anyone else and definitely not give handouts. That is a rabbit hole you don't want to go down.

For the bathroom, maybe. Kitchen will be a lot more.

I would never lend money to anyone. I would give it, or not give it. I think lending creates a very awkward power dynamic between family/ friends and is more trouble than it's worth.

If I am in a position and someone I love needs money, I would make a judgement call about whether to give it to them (and in the past I have done so, more than once, when it was needed).

Lending would simply not be on my radar, it's too complicated.

Tell her to extend her mortgage/borrow against her house for the best rates for a loan that size. You don't need to tell her your finances and unless she has a gaping hole in her floor where her bath has fallen through into her kitchen, she doesn't "need" a new bathroom or kitchen!

Definitely don't lend the money,

Don't share details of how much you have.

If she asks directly you need an excuse lined up, something along the lines of after you repaid your mortgage and debts there is little left (if she knew the amounts you came into)

This response is legendary.

Your friend has no intention of repaying this money. If she did she would get a bank loan or 0% purchases credit card etc and not make things awkward with a friend. She has heard about your money and seen £ signs.

Don’t do it

Stop talking about money.

that’s how you don’t have those conversations. Stop talking about your personal business.