To have a rule not to lend money?

[Autumnbum]

Long story short, I’m due to come into a lot of money I plan on paying off my mortgage but still should leave a considerable sum. I no longer work (early 40s) and this money is to last me the rest of my life. I won’t get a good pension because I only worked part time.
My best friends know about the fight we have been through and I haven’t disclosed the actual amount I will receive.
One of my friends is going through a nasty divorce, has stated that money is tight and she needs a new bathroom and kitchen, but then she’s dropped little comments here and there about how I could lend her money so she can sort her house out, this has all been said in jest and she hasn’t out right said can you lend me £££.
I have always believed that when you lend money it comes between you and ruins friendships, but then would she resent me for not even considering it? How do I say no without her resenting me?

You say you've been through a fight to get this money, and you also say you can no longer work. So I'm deducing this is not an inheritance and solicitors have been involved in getting you this money.

So you say that it's a condition of settlement that the solicitors stay involved and ensure you make the money last the rest of your life - it's not just up to you. This usually shuts em up. Talking from experience.

Don't lend-unless you are happy to see the loan as a gift.

Loaning (giving) money can really mess up a friendship anyway.

Tell her the money is now in your pension/investments and not available.

I used to get a bonus of between 10-15k I soon learnt to keep quiet about it, some people are so entitled

I do lend money to a few friends and they have lent me money when money is really tight but this is to help with day to day living

OP you can't actually afford to lend her the money.
If I understand correctly this money will be instead of a pension. You need it properly invested so you can ensure you're not living in hardship in old age.

I bet she wouldn't withdraw from her pension to renovate your house.

Has the OP said it was inheritance?

Don't tell people you have substantial funds and do not tell anyone you have been able to quit work. Being able to stop working in your 40's means it's a huge amount of money and no good will come of others knowing

I wouldn't even discuss finances with my own siblings. My dh had an inheritance and l never mentioned it to my sisters even though we are close. Wouldn't dream of mentioning it to friends. I know this isn't an inheritance but say absolutely nothing. Just pretend you don't hear her when she says anything. She is utterly out of line.
I loaned a friend 500..was happy to do so. She made a few excuses about paying back. I realised it was going to come between us so l said never mind l don't need it back..l didn't. But l learnt a lesson: never again as it was so awkward and it's difficult for people to pay back as they can't afford to so it's just messy.

Shut it down tell her no.

So cheeky of her to think that your money should be used to fund her new bathroom and kitchen! It’s actually quite greedy as well because she’s not even family - she’s just jumping on an opportunity. I would never lend that sort of money informally - what if something occurred which meant you didn’t get it back? She needs to save or get a loan, not mentally start spending your money. CF. Don’t tell her the amount you’re getting and don’t be specific about where it’s going. Tell her: she’s mentioned funding these home improvements a few times and you’re not sure if she’s waiting for you to offer to lend her £xxxxxx but it’s not ‘spare’ money and it’s not an option.

As it was said “in jest”, I would have laughed uproariously at the very idea of giving away 12k for someone else’s house improvements, as if the very idea was ridiculous, which it is.

YANBU, you are her friend, not a bank.
Personally, if it was spare, I would loan money if a friend was in dire straits.... but fancying a new bathroom and kitchen is not. She is a CF.

Yep, I agree with the majority. Don't give her a cent. Can just say it's gone straight into your mortgage and pension. She's a CF.

You know this now, but never tell a friend about money like this.

We inherited £15k. The following week, a family member needed to “borrow £15k”. Luckily, we had already sent the whole lot to our mortgage provider to pay down the mortgage.

I would tell this friend that you have sunk the whole lot into mortgage. Does she actually know you’d still have some left over? If so, tell her you have put it into pension (not actually sure how that works, so fact check it first), or some other type of non access fund.

she isn’t your friend anyway. Hinting that you should pay for her kitchen/bathroom is appalling. Regardless of whether it’s going to be paid back. My kitchen is quite scruffy - over 30 years old. It’s functional, so it’s fine.

And yes, meant to add, don’t give her anything at all. It won’t be enough for her and she won’t be grateful for anything short of a 50 grand gift. Even then she’d probably say there’d been an overspend.

I have had a few people wanting to borrow money and I always say "Ahhh no, it's all tied up in my own projects, good luck with yours" and leave it. If they mention it again they get a withering look.

Thats really cheeky, I can’t imagine scrubbing for money for a bathroom. Ignore her.

Also she’s not a friend.

Absolutely DO NOT lend her the money. I'm currently fighting to get money back from a so called friend, now ex friend due to being used for money. It never ends well and I even drew up a signed loan agreement.

I lent my single mum friend money for an expensive baby item. Because I did that, I didn't have a leg to stand on legally, when she then took thousands from the same card without my consent.

I'd just ignore her comments and change the subject if she keeps asking just say it's gone all on your mortgage or onto your pension funds and now your skint.

Well if you've told people you're coming into some money, for whatever reason, some people will try to borrow some off you.
I'd just casually say that it's all gone towards paying off the mortgage and leave at that, given you've already shared that detail but they don't know the amount. If she then asks outright to lend some, just say "no, it's all gone to the mortgage and I don't have anything spare". Assuming you want to explain. If you don't then just say no!

No, No, No

Do not give it to her. You’ll never see it again. If she can’t afford it, she can’t afford it. (Point her in the direction of a low interest bank loan. )

Can I have a Porsche please? I promise to pay it back (with fingers crossed behind my back).

My advice is, never tell anyone about your savings and inheritance. It's not their business. And people get so weird and entitled about money!

Learn one simple phrase "Neither a borrower nor a lender be" and say that, and only that, to anyone who asks. They are the ones making it awkward so why go into further detail? You don't have to.

Just say all her talk of kitchens and bathrooms has reminded you that yours could really do with a refresh, so you have earmarked your money for that.
Say you are happy to put her in touch with debt charities or budgeting help if she's finding it hard to budget effectively.

Do not lend money they then take you for granted currently have a bf who keeps borrowing money and last night said to me I should lend him money as he's my bf erm.no. I've done lending money it doesn't help anything. I've gave my neighbour money when she's gambled it all and all it does is enable

I wouldn't lend money to anyone ever again from previous experiences with friends-1 didn't repay for years and it became very awkward. If they keep hinting offer to help them research a bank loan online!