To have a rule not to lend money?

[Autumnbum]

Long story short, I’m due to come into a lot of money I plan on paying off my mortgage but still should leave a considerable sum. I no longer work (early 40s) and this money is to last me the rest of my life. I won’t get a good pension because I only worked part time.
My best friends know about the fight we have been through and I haven’t disclosed the actual amount I will receive.
One of my friends is going through a nasty divorce, has stated that money is tight and she needs a new bathroom and kitchen, but then she’s dropped little comments here and there about how I could lend her money so she can sort her house out, this has all been said in jest and she hasn’t out right said can you lend me £££.
I have always believed that when you lend money it comes between you and ruins friendships, but then would she resent me for not even considering it? How do I say no without her resenting me?

Don't say the money is tied up. It's not her business and too much information. If you want to splurge you don't then owe her an explanation.

I would be blunt if she's hinting 'sorry but I can't help you with that'. No suggestions, no more financial discussions. If she's struggling a bit she may not be the friend best placed to want to hear about your large lump sum, even if it isn't earmarked for spending on champagne and good times.

She’s living in a dream world -my bathroom was 11k and kitchen is looking like double that at least.

Anyway I’d just find very boring ways to shut these convos down and going forward don’t tell friends if you come into large sums of money… it never ends well

I have declined to offer friends money , it never ends well and leaves an elephant in the room

Does she shit in a bucket op? If so I'd buy a toilet. But if not, then massive CF.

I would tell her that I never lend money to people as it can spoil friendships that are important to you.

I never lend money. I will however give money, without expectation that it'll come back even if the recipient says it will (tbf it usually does).

But not for some cheeky cunt's kitchen refurb!

Myself and my best friend never ever spoke about money. She was always wealthier than me as her marriage was a good one and move were not, and I never properly recovered financially. No stress. No discussion. Definitely no lending or borrowing.
If I had money that I could give away, and wanted to, I would do that. But no lending.

and then block her

Never a borrower or a lender be!

Next time she mentions it treat it as a joke - 'ha ha yeah, I'd love a new kitchen and bathroom too but the money is going to my pension so I'll have to save up!'

I wouldn't want anything to do with her after that. How dare she ask you for that much money for something so frivolous?

She’s given it some proper thought then 😳

I have also come into some money recently. I have £10k mad money and the rest is to augment my pension. I have already decided that I am taking a friend away for a few days and another friend is going to move in the next year... she is the sort who has a five year plan and delivers early, she has not asked but I will lend her some money for six months to help her out, but I have mentally written it off, although she would take on another job if she thought she could not pay me back, she is that sort.

At the end of the day, you need to do whatever makes you comfortable... not sure about you but I keep looking at it in my account and thinking it is not real!

You shouldn't have told them to begin with.

I learned the hard way. Lost £10k and my best friend. Don't do it.

She doesn't 'need' a new kitchen or bathroom.
Good advice from the poster saying you've seen a financial advisor and the money is 'locked down' with just a small monthly income (might be an idea to do anyway).
With regard the wider point, never lend money. Well my view is it depends who to and what for. If she needed a new washing machine or broken boiler and couldn't get money somewhere else, I don't think I'd sit a piles of money while she struggled.

SGB your advice is iconic ✔️

Family member came into a lot of money and loved helping out his friends and family. Over the next couple of years they all fell out with him because, despite his huge generosity, it was never enough and these selfish fucks were resenting his lifestyle even though he’d paid off their mortgages and bought them cars and holidays and stuff.

Don’t share any financial information. If you want to help anyone you can then do it anonymously!

When I was left some money by my late mum I lent 3 people money. Around £200-300 each. None of them paid it all back. My fault partly for not keeping track of ut. That was 30 years ago and I'd never lend anyone money again unless it was very close family & I could afford to lose a small amount. YANBU

Don't be so open about your finances and never lend money you couldn't afford to lose 💐

Guarantee she would then decide she doesn't need to repay it because you don't need it because you're loaded now.

I'd say any friend who comes chasing after money is not your friend. Unfortunately you can't control her reaction, I always think a polite but firm "no" is best with a brief explanation that you'd rather not lend anyone money.

I wouldn't entertain it and I would distance myself from people who made an issue of it.
Keep the amout to yourself and reduce it if you can.
It's no one's business.

This is like a smaller scale version of a poster a few months back who inherited and a friend wanted her to give/loan a massive amount for his kids private school and missed mortgage payments, etc. Wonder if he even spoke to her again after she turned him down!

Stop discussing finances with people.
I wouldn’t even tell friends that I was to inherit money

You don't need to have a "rule" but YANBU to simply say no. Either ignore the comments until she outright asks or simply tell them you don't have spare money to lend.