What would be a fair split?

[Ivesaidenough]

DP and I are buying a house together. I already own a flat and I'm using equity from it for the deposit, this will keep the house mortgage to 60% of the value of the house. So the deposit is worth around 40% of the value.
My flat is going onto a buy to let mortgage, and the plan is to rent it out.
DP has been given £30k by his parents towards the house.
We earn the same.
Tonight I asked to discuss what proportions we would each hold in the house. He was clearly annoyed, sulked for an hour or so without speaking to me, then left (we don't live together currently although we have done in the past) saying "he didn't want to have an argument."
I initiated the discussion because this hasn't yet been mentioned at all.
While I'm not entirely against 50-50, mainly because of the increased risk from my flat and my liability for the mortgage payment there during any void periods, it feels a bit unfair since he's not putting any of his own money into it. However we will both be paying the mortgage on the new house. Hence wanting to talk it through so that we're both happy. From experience he just will not manage to talk through this without getting angry.
I don't know what to do. How do we resolve this? I've already asked our solicitor for advice, but he has just sent us the forms without comment.

I wouldn’t buy a home together unless you are also getting married and joining together financially.

Really? I thought as the one with more capital it would be a bad idea for me? If we hold the house as tenants in common I thought it would protect the children from one of us dying first and re-marrying.

How much in £ equity are you putting from the flat into the house?

And do you consider the £30k partially a gift to you, or is it to DP?

Oh god, don’t move in with a sulker. It’ll make your life a misery.

Definitely just to DP, I didn't know it came from them until recently. The equity is... a lot (London)

I would not buy a property with a man who you cannot have a frank conversation like this with!!

What happens when you split? Is he able to take half the money you are putting in when he's not put equal amount in himself? It's a bit different if you are married as then all assets are shared equally but if not married I would not make yourself financially vulnerable like this

And I am a bit concerned about the sulking too! I've been away from it for a while now so I'd forgotten.

@BestEffort that's exactly my worry. Hence wanting to hold the house is less equal shares I'm putting in 70% basically, he's putting in 30%.

Agree with the above. Don't move and definitely reconsider your choice in partner.

Another one saying don’t do it if he refuses to communicate like a grown up. Is he living with his parents at the moment?

We own the house 50/50 but ringfenced DPs much bigger deposit contribution. And have paid 50/50 for repairs and upgrades with mortgage roughly 50/50 though in different periods one or other of us have earned a lot more so contributed more to the joint account and therefore mortgage payment.

Yes, he lives with his parents, my flat just isn't big enough for everyone. How did you ringfence the deposit, @Mandylovescandy ?

Also we had no issues discussing the above including what would happen if we split up so I think that is the more concerning part of you can't discuss finances

What a man child..

Save yourself further fees and wasted years op
Dump him,p

Do NOT buy a house with a man who can't have a conversation about buying a house without sulking.

In terms of the house, you each own the percentage of the house that you pay for.

50/50 is fine but he needs to pay 50% of the cost of the house.

I voted YABU because if he’s like this when you try to have a sensible conversation, what will he be like to live with? This would be a red flag for me. You’re entirely justified in protecting your assets; if you go ahead, I would arrange to get a will drawn up to protect your kids, as well as a legal document setting out the proportions of the property that you both own (whatever you decide that to be- but on the evidence of this behaviour I would probably lean towards proportional ownership for each of you based on what you’re putting in).

Then you own 70 and he owns 30.

Solicitor drew up an agreement for us which we signed stating if the house was sold he would get back his deposit before equally splitting the rest

If I was putting more in, I wouldn’t do it unless it was ring fenced. Not a chance! Nor would I expect a claim on it if it was the other way round.

More importantly, why can’t he communicate like an adult instead of sulking. This would drive me nuts!

Don't buy property with a sulky man child would be the best advice! What a twat!

I'm assuming he thinks he should be getting 50%. But I'm guessing. What I can't work out is why he thinks that?

Because he's a big old baby who always gets his own way? Too much time spent living with Mummy and Daddy perhaps.

Having bought a flat with my ex and stupidly splitting it 50:50 on the legal docs despite me paying the entire deposit I was very happy to do things differently with my husband. He had a lot of money which he used as a deposit. The solicitor worked out percentages and protected his deposit should we ever split: he’d get that back in its entirety before we’d begin to split the rest. I can’t imagine we ever will but I felt it was the right thing to do, to reassure him that I absolutely would never take anything like that from him. I had it done to me!

I reckon he wants 50:50 but he knows he’s unreasonable to want that. Which is why he can’t have the discussion with you- he doesn’t have any defence for that position, and it makes him cross.

That's my thinking too, @AlertCat Since we agreed to buy it he's been nicer than usual too. I suspect in anticipation of the "gift" of half a house he was expecting from me.
pfff