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AIBU?

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Original poster

What would be a fair split?

122 replies

Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 22:45

DP and I are buying a house together. I already own a flat and I'm using equity from it for the deposit, this will keep the house mortgage to 60% of the value of the house. So the deposit is worth around 40% of the value.
My flat is going onto a buy to let mortgage, and the plan is to rent it out.
DP has been given £30k by his parents towards the house.
We earn the same.
Tonight I asked to discuss what proportions we would each hold in the house. He was clearly annoyed, sulked for an hour or so without speaking to me, then left (we don't live together currently although we have done in the past) saying "he didn't want to have an argument."
I initiated the discussion because this hasn't yet been mentioned at all.
While I'm not entirely against 50-50, mainly because of the increased risk from my flat and my liability for the mortgage payment there during any void periods, it feels a bit unfair since he's not putting any of his own money into it. However we will both be paying the mortgage on the new house. Hence wanting to talk it through so that we're both happy. From experience he just will not manage to talk through this without getting angry.
I don't know what to do. How do we resolve this? I've already asked our solicitor for advice, but he has just sent us the forms without comment.

OP posts:
CharlotteSometimes1 · 15/10/2024 23:34

Have I got this right? You’ve been in a relationship for 16 years and have two children but don’t live together because the flat that you own is too small. He lives with his parents and has either saved nothing or has secretly saved but won’t add anything financially if you buy a house. His parents will however give him 30k.

run.

2024onwardsandup · 15/10/2024 23:34

how much child care does he do?

CautiousLurker · 15/10/2024 23:35

Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 22:53

@BestEffort that's exactly my worry. Hence wanting to hold the house is less equal shares I'm putting in 70% basically, he's putting in 30%.

If those are the stats, that should be the legal split on the deeds. Or you ring fence your 40% per the deposit and go 50/50 on the remaining 60% (which is still effectively 70:30).

If you are stumbling at this point of joint finances, I’d rethink co-ownership, frankly.

CautiousLurker · 15/10/2024 23:35

CharlotteSometimes1 · 15/10/2024 23:34

Have I got this right? You’ve been in a relationship for 16 years and have two children but don’t live together because the flat that you own is too small. He lives with his parents and has either saved nothing or has secretly saved but won’t add anything financially if you buy a house. His parents will however give him 30k.

run.

Yep… this.

Original poster
Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 23:35

@Nightowl1234 these are all questions I've been asking myself. My reasoning (to myself) is that together we can buy a bigger house, and then the children could potentially stay in living in it after we die. So they'll always have somewhere to live?

OP posts:
Ohnobackagain · 15/10/2024 23:35

@Ivesaidenough so if he wants 50:50 it’s not possible if you’re putting in 70%. The only way would be get a bigger mortgage and pay half each of that and each put in £30k deposit.

When partner and I bought, I had more cash so to bring his contribution up to 50% he paid most of the mortgage. But if your deposit alone is more than half it’s not possible.

However you do it, you own whatever % your contribution works out to. He needs to understand that. If he wants to increase his share later, he’ll have to pay what it’s worth (house may go up or down in value). If he can’t see he is being unfair then - dump.

Original poster
Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 23:37

That was another option I was going to suggest to him - he pays a larger part of the mortgage payment to make his contribution up... didn't have the chance !

OP posts:
OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 15/10/2024 23:38

Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 23:22

I've got the figures a bit wrong upthread - my deposit is 40% of the total cost. So mortgage covers the other 60% of the total cost. So we then both pay 30% each of the total cost via the mortgage.
But I'm not sure that's the correct calculation? He's putting in 3% with his £30k...

So you’re putting in roughly 400k cash and he is putting in 30k cash plus a 600k mortgage? You need to look at tenants in common 68/32ish?

2024onwardsandup · 15/10/2024 23:38

What contribution does he currently make to the running costs of the flat and the children?

this is such an odd set up.

category12 · 15/10/2024 23:38

I don't think you should buy property with him if you can't have honest conversations without him getting angry .

Original poster
Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 23:39

@OatFlatWhiteForMePlease that's just what I was going to suggest to him. Glad I'm not pulling figures out of the air.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 23:40

@2024onwardsandup he makes a monthly contribution towards the children but nothing towards the mortgage on the flat.

OP posts:
OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 15/10/2024 23:40

Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 23:37

That was another option I was going to suggest to him - he pays a larger part of the mortgage payment to make his contribution up... didn't have the chance !

No way… if he doesn’t pay you will and he will have a 50/50 split when you inevitably finally have enough and split up. I would honestly rather stay as I was than entangle my finances with this excuse for a man.

UpThePole · 15/10/2024 23:41

Quite a few of the responses on here are not really correct.

If you are buying as tenants in common you broadly have two choices.

  1. Hold the property in “fixed shares”, which means you agree your respective % ownership upfront and that does not change, including if one of you pays off a greater amount of the mortgage.
  1. Hold the property in “floating shares” whereby ownership fluctuates based on your contributions over time.

It sounds like option 2 would be better in your case. It would mean that, if you contribute equally to the mortgage until it is paid off, eventually you would own 70% of the property and your partner would own 30%.

If your partner has free cash, it would also mean he could contribute more than 50% of the mortgage payments (either on a regular basis or with occasional lump sum overpayments) in order to increase his share towards 50%, if his goal is to eventually hold the property with you equally.

However, definitely agree with what others above have said re: having a sensible conversation about this. It’s a really bad idea to enter into a long term, high value financial commitment with somebody who isn’t mature enough to have a reasonable conversation about finances without getting angry.

Original poster
Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 23:41

This is my worry. if we do split I won't have enough to pay the larger mortgage on my flat without having that deposit back.

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 15/10/2024 23:41

I don't know what is a fair split but I do know that I wouldn't even consider buying a house with a man who can't have a grown up conversation about finances. Think very carefully before you commit to this OP.

samedifferent · 15/10/2024 23:43

We own the house 50/50 but ringfenced DPs much bigger deposit contribution.

This is what we did before we got married had dc etc.
You should protect your deposits.

Original poster
Ivesaidenough · 15/10/2024 23:44

I have to go to bed now, but thank you all for your input, it's been really helpful to see people's opinions. And also to see that some do think I'm a bit crazy to even consider this! which I did wonder. Thank you all.

OP posts:
Garedenhelp · 15/10/2024 23:45

Can't you put 30k deposit in too and leave the rest of the equity in the buy to let, you may not get as favorable rate on your new place but you may get a better rate for the old one and that would protect you more financially.

2024onwardsandup · 15/10/2024 23:46

If he hasn’t been contributing to housing costs up to now and (says that) he hasn’t saved anything how is going to pay for half the mortgage.

OP it sounds like there are huge issues in the relationship that you seem to either be ignoring or not understanding.

Nightowl1234 · 15/10/2024 23:46

@Ivesaidenough is this a good relationship? It sounds like you’re doing fine without him - you seem financially solvent and you must look after the kids without much involvement from him if he doesn’t live with you. What exactly does he contribute other than his DNA?

Why don’t you just stay as you are? Or continue with the plan but buy a slightly cheaper property in just your name (as I’m assuming you may not be able to get the same amount of mortgage with only your salary being assessed). Either way - really consider whether you want to financially entangle yourself with this man.

Yvawn · 15/10/2024 23:48

Never Iive with a sulker.

BogusHocusPocus · 15/10/2024 23:48

Don't forget to factor in the capital gains tax, on your BtoL (rental property), which is set to increase to 39%

Sorry if others have already pointed this out.

StuffYouLike · 15/10/2024 23:50

He sounds horrible and selfish. What's he been spending his money on?

HotSource · 15/10/2024 23:51

Buy as Tenants in Common.

Own in terms of % owned:

Your deposit , his deposit, and each owning half the mortgaged amount.

If you simply ringfence the cash amount of your deposit you wouldn’t get the benefit if any increase in value of your deposit if you split and sell. Nor would you be able to leave the benefit of increase in value of your deposit to your kids.

You haven’t given us the cash value if your deposit or the total cost of the property so we can’t work it out and tell you.

But the source of his deposit isn’t really your business to be judgey about ( “it feels a bit unfair since he's not putting any of his own money into it” - yes he is, his parents are giving it to him so it’s his) , and he has no business sulking because you want it established.