What would be a fair split?

[Ivesaidenough]

DP and I are buying a house together. I already own a flat and I'm using equity from it for the deposit, this will keep the house mortgage to 60% of the value of the house. So the deposit is worth around 40% of the value.
My flat is going onto a buy to let mortgage, and the plan is to rent it out.
DP has been given £30k by his parents towards the house.
We earn the same.
Tonight I asked to discuss what proportions we would each hold in the house. He was clearly annoyed, sulked for an hour or so without speaking to me, then left (we don't live together currently although we have done in the past) saying "he didn't want to have an argument."
I initiated the discussion because this hasn't yet been mentioned at all.
While I'm not entirely against 50-50, mainly because of the increased risk from my flat and my liability for the mortgage payment there during any void periods, it feels a bit unfair since he's not putting any of his own money into it. However we will both be paying the mortgage on the new house. Hence wanting to talk it through so that we're both happy. From experience he just will not manage to talk through this without getting angry.
I don't know what to do. How do we resolve this? I've already asked our solicitor for advice, but he has just sent us the forms without comment.

How old are your children now?

Be very careful. He sounds a bit like a man who had left you to do all the hard work with kids and now he's going to move in and take half your house.

Why didn't you move in together somewhere bigger after Covid? Whats held you back until now? Or what has held him back until now?

I'm finding it hard to believe you're considering buying a house with this sulky twat who's incapable of having an adult conversation where your life savings are concerned. You seem so level headed. Just why?

I thought you were going to be late 20s and only been together for a year or something. OP wtf?!

Wow!

Ring fence your money!!
Christ, you could REALLY lose out here OP

Be very careful

@Ivesaidenough you mentioned some figures further up - your deposit and the mortgage but it didn’t clarify where his £30k came in. I think you said your deposit is 40% then the other 60% is mortgage split between you, so pay half the mortgage i.e. 30% share of house so your total is 70%. Where is his £30k in all of this?

also - what about stamp duty/other fees?

You could leave the house to your kids with a life interest for him while alive, but I don’t understand why he expects 50% when he isn’t contributing. And you can do the ‘floating’ contribution stuff with the tenants in common bit.

Will you get the income from your flat rather than he? Or is he making plans to live off that, too?

You need a legal agreement. It's nit about trust, it's about financial planning. You should own what you put in not be 50:50.

He can sulk all he wants, if the boot was on the other foot... engage separate solicitors for the purchase.

If you get married, you will need to look at it again and decide the split then.

I sincerely hope you have a fabulously long and healthy relationship and never need to refer to the agreement again!

Ringfence it. Simple arithmetical percentages, lawyer to draw up papers. Better still tell him to fuck right off. Sulky, unwilling to discuss an unbalanced major financial commitment (that benefits him not you!) - he's an immature person and will probably shaft you money-wise if you don't get the legalities nailed down.

Also, you are taking equity from your flat for the deposit i.e. borrowing it, so this £400k is not savings or existing wealth and you will be making higher mortgage payments on your flat as well as 50% of the mortgage on the new house.
If you divided the new house 50/50 he will have benefitted from the money you still owe on your btl loan!

I would leave your equity where it is and put down a deposit equal to his on the new house and buy something £400k cheaper.

From experience he just will not manage to talk through this without getting angry

I wouldn't think even for a nanosecond of moving in with him. He has shown you what he's like which is selfish, resentful and angry. Why on earth would you want to live with someone like that? You have an awful lot going for you and that will massively change if you live with him.

Are you both parents of both children? In any case I wouldn't buy somewhere with him. It's no coincidence he's been nicer recently because he thinks he's going to get an awful lot of money from you. Just like he's got from his parents!

Someone else mentioned stamp duty and it’s a second home for you, so if you owned 68% (40% deposit and half the rest after his measly contribution) Your share of the stamp duty would be £42k and his would be £3.5k

As the owner of the bigger deposit and a BTL flat I would not change super marrying a man who has not managed to save his own deposit!!!!

What possible benefit would marriage bring the OP in term of assets?

I foolishly bought a house & married a sulker who I couldn't discuss anything with.
Honestly it was the stupidest decision.

If you must go ahead you need a 'deed of trust' but please don't.

More importantly why would you want to make your kids live with a man like that.

I stupidly (there's a theme!) didn't read the rest of your posts.....

You'd be fucking insane to buy a house with that guy. Yes you are in London but you can afford to live (with your children) in a house/flat (I'm guesstimating your salary).

Don't don't don't buy even a kitten with that guy, he's been living via the bank of mum and dad and doesn't contribute to the roof over the head of his TWO children why why why do you think he's capable of being a partner? He's not.

Friend's daughter is in similar situation. Moved in with BF to rented flat. She has a flat she now lets out. You need to talk to a solicitor with the right skillset, OP about how the money might work out.

We had an agreement drawn up by a lawyer which ringfenced our deposits for ourselves and then the rest of the house was a 50/50 split

This

The answer seems fairly straightforward, you own the % you put in and split any added value along those lines.

So if you put in 70% and he puts in 30% then when you sell you get 70% of any equity and he gets 30%, assuming you are going to pay half the mortgage each? Your solicitor can draw up a deed to that effect for you.

On the flip side are you sure you want to buy a house with someone who cannot communicate?

Solicitor will draw up a declaration of trust stating your deposit is to be taken out of the house first and then the remaining equity to be split 50/50. That only works out fair if you will be paying 50/50 on mortgage, bills etc.

Maybe they won't want to live together anyway. Maybe they will have to sell to pay inheritance tax. Maybe they as adults won't want to live with their parents live your DP does because that is not normal, you do realise this?

Don't buy a house with someone who can't have a conversation about finances etc.

Don't buy a house with a punishing sulker.

Please OP, buy nothing with him, not even a kitten.
He is a sulky man child.
Don't expose your children to that full time.
You will destroy your peace, their peace, your security.
Extra space is NEVER more important than a calm, peaceful home.
It is actually unbelievable that you would consider throwing away your peace and security.
Do not be that foolish woman who lives to bitterly regret throwing her peace and security away for an abusive man child.
It will cost you everything.

The maths bit is easy - 40% to you, 3% to him and then the rest 50/50, which works out at 68.5/31.5.

But honestly you'd be mad to tie yourself any further to a man who won't live with you and raise your children together when you're supposed to be a couple.

Are you in a relationship or a business transaction?