What would be a fair split?

[Ivesaidenough]

DP and I are buying a house together. I already own a flat and I'm using equity from it for the deposit, this will keep the house mortgage to 60% of the value of the house. So the deposit is worth around 40% of the value.
My flat is going onto a buy to let mortgage, and the plan is to rent it out.
DP has been given £30k by his parents towards the house.
We earn the same.
Tonight I asked to discuss what proportions we would each hold in the house. He was clearly annoyed, sulked for an hour or so without speaking to me, then left (we don't live together currently although we have done in the past) saying "he didn't want to have an argument."
I initiated the discussion because this hasn't yet been mentioned at all.
While I'm not entirely against 50-50, mainly because of the increased risk from my flat and my liability for the mortgage payment there during any void periods, it feels a bit unfair since he's not putting any of his own money into it. However we will both be paying the mortgage on the new house. Hence wanting to talk it through so that we're both happy. From experience he just will not manage to talk through this without getting angry.
I don't know what to do. How do we resolve this? I've already asked our solicitor for advice, but he has just sent us the forms without comment.

I wouldn’t be moving in with him.

Just keep things as they are.

So for ease of numbers

You put in 200k , he puts in 20k , house bought for 500k, mortgage 280k.

10 years time sell for 750k. Mortgage now 250k . Equity 500k after fees
You get
200+ (280/2) = 340
He gets
20+(280/2)=160

You should have 70% (40% deposit plus half of the mortgaged amount), he should have 30%. Anything less for you and he’s massively taking advantage of you.

Sorry, what?

You have two children with someone who still lives with his parents?

How did that happen?

Protect your money. Also reconsider if you want to buy with a man who can’t have an adult conversation and feels entitled to half of your money. I’d also be concerned about where his money has been going whilst he’s been living with his parents, how has he not saved anything towards a deposit? Or is he just keeping his money all to himself whilst feeling entitled to yours?

Meant to add, you should also have a deed of trust so you get your 40% first, and any outstanding mortgage comes off the joint bit. Don’t let him argue for a fixed amount, to be fair it needs to be a % so the value doesn’t get eroded over time

I don't know if it really should be in his name given his contribution is just the £30k from his parents. However if the only way you can buy is using his income as well as yours to get the mortgage then that changes things - I don't know if that is so or not.

"I've got the figures a bit wrong upthread - my deposit is 40% of the total cost. So mortgage covers the other 60% of the total cost. So we then both pay 30% each of the total cost via the mortgage.
But I'm not sure that's the correct calculation? He's putting in 3% with his £30k..."
On the above my gut feeling is that you want to protect your 40% deposit whatever that number is in pounds plus what it might inflate to if house prices rise. If you will both pay half the mortgage may be say a third to him and two thirds to you as a rough figure. In addition I would ask the solicitor if they family law to draw up a cohabitation agreement on which you each take legal advice before you move in with him as that will cover other issues, not just the property. It sounds like he has chronic illness and you both work from home a lot and have 2 children and he has masses of possessions which would come into the house. you may well have to reach agreement with him about how much of his stuff can clutter the new home or make sure there is a big attic or cellar or shed where lots of it can go.

If you don't need his £30k or his income for the mortgage buy in your name and rent to him. If you do, then you get two thirds and he a third and get the trust and the cohabitation agreement drawn up by a solicitor. Make sure the property is held as tenants in common (not joint tenants) - I am assuming England not Scotland here. Also make sure you each have a will and that your life insurance from work (if you have any) is in trust for your heirs and your work pension if you have one.

I suspect he's disappointed that you don't see it as an equal endeavour/adventure

If you're not married, there's no way I would be splitting the house 50/50 when you're puting in so much more money than he is. You should each own the relevant percentage of the house, otherwise you're essentially gifting this man a significant sum of money and why would you?!

What health issues are exacerbated by having small children?

Don’t do this because then it becomes messier with bills and other house maintenance stuff. Should he pay the larger proportion or back to 50:50 say if you need a new bathroom or roof etc. especially if you roughly earn the same. Ring fence the deposit split then everything else 50:50. Seems crazy that he’d sulk at a simple discussion tho. If he does it again you just need to get the solicitor to bring it up so it isn’t coming from you perhaps. Doesn’t bode well for a long term relationship though.

also shocked slightly that (if I’ve read correctly) you’ve been together for 16 years, have kids together and he’s remained living with his parents for the entire duration. And you still respect him and class him as a partner. And he hasn’t got any savings he’s putting in despite living with his parents. Crazy?!?!

the below means his return on
investment is significantly higher and he benefits from most of the house value going up.. Basically no investment on your £200k so it is essentially losing value due to inflation. It depends if you are ok with that.

So for ease of numbers
You put in 200k , he puts in 20k , house bought for 500k, mortgage 280k.
10 years time sell for 750k. Mortgage now 250k . Equity 500k after fees
You get
200+ (280/2) = 340
He gets
20+(280/2)=160

If 30k of mortgage paid off equally then essentially you’ve both put £15k extra in. So you’ve put £215k and he has put £45k in.

so you have put 215/260(82%) in and he has put 45/260 (18%) in.

so that would mean you get £410k and he’d get £90k.

The longer you have the house, the higher his proportion would be as more mortgage paid off equally.

agree with other posters that his reaction is extremely concerning and I’d also be concerned he can pay 50%. Good luck!

Ask the former child who had sulking boyfriends of my mother inflicted on my home, do not move in with this man.
Actively signing your kids up for walking on eggshells and appeasing a sulking male is so, so miserable and damaging. Choose a peaceful, happy life, free of this boyfriend.

The terrible chronic condition of lazygititis.

His parents are probably desperate to get rid, hence paying him off to leave

16 years of living apart and doing all the heavy lifting with the kids while he stays at home with his parents.

I cannot understand this at all.

In cases like this, it's best to use the cake method
I.e. one slices, one chooses
So one of you defines the split, the other chooses which 'side' of the split they want

Much like he doesn't see raising their DC as an equal endeavour/adventure.

Also, are you a higher rate tax payer, OP? If so, then I think the finances on BTL (of your existing flat) are unlikely to be sustainable. You have to pay tax on all of the taxable rental income, you can’t offset mortgage payment against tax any more, you just get a discount of 20 per cent of what the mortgage payment is, off your tax bill. So you will need to look at the figures really carefully, but I will be surprised if it makes financial sense for you to do this. Also you pay an extra 3 per cent on stamp duty when buying the new property, and your exiting flat becomes liable for capital gains tax when you sell.

I also feel that an assumption that people are going to be able to leave their house to their children may not always be possible, as it is increasingly likely that property will need to be sold to pay care home fees when older.

The dynamic / set-up of the family (relationship) is also very odd. It does seem to be questionable what he actually brings / contributes to the partnership any more? At least there will be virtually no difference to your dcs’ lives when you do split up, if you don’t buy a house together.

You are taking all of the risk and he is getting all of the benefit.

Have you factored in the cost of rental, the new tax on buy to lets, fallow periods, shit tenants who damage your property, mortgage rate increases, repairs and renewals, capital gains tax, your time and effort and hassle - just to secure a property that is big enough for a man-child to be able to live with his own kids? That you are in majority paying for.

Why?!!!

I think this is crucial to understand before advising OP.

You may have your reasons. Personally, my way forward would be to dump him, continue to raise my children in the flat I own, and claim child maintenance.

When you say you’re using the equity in your flat for the deposit, do you mean you are borrowing the 40% deposit with the flat as security? Can you afford to pay the higher mortgage on the original mortgage plus the 40% from the flat, as well as (at least) half the mortgage on the 57% from the house? What if you have a gap between tenants or a plumbing disaster? What if chummy finds he still can’t cope with the kids, moves back with his parents and declines to pay the mortgage?

Also, more importantly, don’t move in with a sulker and don’t buy property with someone who doesn’t take a pragmatic approach to basic finances.

Have a think about Soufer's points but take advice from a solicitor - sometimes if you have a buy to let but are just changing marital home there is no extra stamp duty to pay - the rules are complex and you need advice from your solicitor.