What would be a fair split?

[Ivesaidenough]

DP and I are buying a house together. I already own a flat and I'm using equity from it for the deposit, this will keep the house mortgage to 60% of the value of the house. So the deposit is worth around 40% of the value.
My flat is going onto a buy to let mortgage, and the plan is to rent it out.
DP has been given £30k by his parents towards the house.
We earn the same.
Tonight I asked to discuss what proportions we would each hold in the house. He was clearly annoyed, sulked for an hour or so without speaking to me, then left (we don't live together currently although we have done in the past) saying "he didn't want to have an argument."
I initiated the discussion because this hasn't yet been mentioned at all.
While I'm not entirely against 50-50, mainly because of the increased risk from my flat and my liability for the mortgage payment there during any void periods, it feels a bit unfair since he's not putting any of his own money into it. However we will both be paying the mortgage on the new house. Hence wanting to talk it through so that we're both happy. From experience he just will not manage to talk through this without getting angry.
I don't know what to do. How do we resolve this? I've already asked our solicitor for advice, but he has just sent us the forms without comment.

@Ivesaidenough blimey. Will you go ahead with this plan? Presumably the relationship is otherwise good??

Good enough to be thinking of buying a house I guess
It's kind of now or never, I'm soon going to be too old to get a mortgage. Hence the dilemma.
Is there any way to see it from his side? I'm wondering if I'm just not seeing his point of view in some way.

We got a deed of trust which stated that we both got back our deposits then split the rest 50% for one of the documents we had to state the split so we worked out what share if the property deposit A plus 1/2 mortgage was of the sale price.
We are on our second property now and have since been 50:50 on new deposits with the original uneven deposit so it's getting closer to 50:50. I can't remember exactly figures but something like 40:60 for house 1. 45:55 for house 2.

\So if he's putting in 30k and that's 30% of.. the deposit? Does that mean you're putting 70k in, as that's 70%? And the mortgage is 50/50.

So:

Mortage is 60% of the cost.
30% you, 30% him.

Cash in is 40% of the cost.
Of which, 28% of total house cost is put in by you (70% of the 40% cash)
12% by him (30% of the 40% cash)

So total cost goes:

You 58%
Him 42%

I don't think you should judge his 30k as 'not from him' because his family is gifting it to him - that's unfair imo. It's money from his side, not yours. It's his investment.

So you could suggest the split is 58/42.

Or you could say that it is 50/50 ownership (as that's how the mortgage will work anyhow in terms of responsibility) but that if it is sold, you get your deposit back plus 58% of any profit, and he gets his back plus 42% of any profit, should you want to operate separately.

It doesn't sound to me great that you can't talk about it, and that you don't feel like just saying ok 50/50 all round. Because if you are buying a house together, that's a huge commitment and if this is because you're in a relationship together, I'd a bit expect each of you to put in what you can and share the property equally. It isn't a business relationship, or if it is, that's going to clash with the way a love relationship should work.

Hence him walking off and not wanting to argue. Because he thinks you are feeling superior because you personally have a flat to take equity out of, your flat cost will be covered by rent so it won't actually cost you anything, you will presumably make something out of the rental (which you aren't proposing sharing) and you are denegrading his contribution by saying it's not from him.

I know why he feels bad.
I know why you want to protect your interests.

But at some point in a relationship, you share everything.

I think it feels like you may not be at this point.

I would lose respect for a man acting like your DP. The house should be 70% yours. He sounds like a huge man baby living with his parents, getting a 30k gift from them and expecting your contribution of 70k which I'm assuming you worked for to be shared. And he has the audacity to sulk when you bring it up (red flag). Why are you with him?

Because he’s hopeful that he can sulk his way into owning half a property despite not being married anc despite not contributing to an enormous chunk of the deposit. Yeah, fuck that.

If he thinks this is unfair, tell him that when the government had the Key Worker Scheme, it lent people 15% of the property value as a deposit: if you sold up, you repaid 15% of the selling price. The remaining 85% was for the mortgage payers to divide between them as they pleased.

Solicitor can register the house as tenants in common with unequal shares to protect your initial investment , we have this as I had equity built prior to marriage - husband has never huffed about this and if he did then it would make me really question staying together

That's really helpful @valentinka31 and @WigglyVonWaggly , thank you. I hadn't thought of it as him seeing me as being superior. I suppose I am judging him a bit for not saving at all over the 16 years we've been together, especially since he's been living at home.
Actually - I suspect he HAS saved but isn't putting it into the house. Which is maybe worse?

Wait until he tells you he’s furious that you’re not still contributing 50% of the bills when you’re on maternity leave.

house ownership should reflect % of deposit put in - and for that it’s irrelevant that he got the deposit from his parents.

your bigger problem is his whole approach. I’d be seeing this as. GINORMOUS red flag

@CoastalCalm that's exactly what I wanted to do.

You work out what your deposit contribution is as a percentage of the value of the house….that’s yours….you do the same with his contribution which is his…..the outstanding percentage of the house value which the mortgage is covering is split 50/50 if you’re both paying equally…..remember he is benefiting greatly from reduced mortgage payments because of your hefty contribution….so you do not simply ring fence the amount you are contributing….but the actual percentage of the house value it equates to, to protect your assets just in case you split in the future….though he sounds like a child so might be best to leave him with his parents

Wait he’s been living at his parents for 16 years while you’ve been together? How old is he?

have you had a chat about house chore division yet?

What's stopped you living together before OP? 16 years and he's still living at his parents, huge red flag even before the no savings and sulking. Then you say your flat isn't big enough for 2... suggests all round it may not be the right time to be buying together.

I've got the figures a bit wrong upthread - my deposit is 40% of the total cost. So mortgage covers the other 60% of the total cost. So we then both pay 30% each of the total cost via the mortgage.
But I'm not sure that's the correct calculation? He's putting in 3% with his £30k...

You need to work out your deposit % each then get an agreement drawn up to protect that. Then as you are both paying the mortgage (50/50 I assume) you would have an equal share of anything else. So if the house your buying is £100k and your putting in £30k then 30% is yours. If he puts in £20k then 20% is his. Your then equally own the other 50% thats remaining. If the house goes up in value and sells for £200k then you would spilt as follows
55% you
45% him

I'm not sure why he thought you would be doing anything else

So you are in an abusive relationship where he sulks to get his way and now you want to buy with him?

Are you out of your mind?
Don't do it.

Can you not do a deed of trust, in the event of a split you get your 70% deposit back, he gets his 30% back and then remaining profit/equity is spilt 50/50. This working in the basis you are splitting mortgage payments 50/50.

So he wants 50% of a one million pound house for a £30 k deposit? Yes I get the mortgage thing. But still.

basically if it’s 50% and you split in a year he walks away with £200k of your money.

We have 2 DC, and only one bathroom, he also has a lot of "stuff" which wouldn't all fit. Plus he has a few chronic illnesses which were exacerbated by living with young children. We also both work from home so being on top of each other in a tiny flat all day wasn't great. Hence looking for a bigger place.

and yes, @2024onwardsandup I think that's exactly what he wants. There's no other way he'd get a property and I'm wondering if I'm being naïve, or actually too cynical.

oh so you live together now? Who pays for your current mortgage if there is one?

Have his chronic illnesses improved? Have you ever lived together?

Is he putting in 3% or 30% with the 30k? Either way you need to protect your deposit (plus any growth). If he's lived with his parents whilst you have children together it interesting why he hasn't saved more in order for you both to buy a bigger place, I'm guessing he has an alright salary to be named on the mortgage

@Ivesaidenough I am saying this as nicely as possible - but are you fucking insane???? This is your money! And for the love of god - if you don’t see fit to dump him for this cynical attempt to steal your money and the giant man sulk, then at least please don’t marry him! He’ll take even more!

I am presuming he’s in his 40s? Why the fuck doesn’t he have his own savings? Why is he only contributing 30k gifted from his parents?

No, we don't live together now but during Covid we did.