Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want partner cooking for other women?

135 replies

Kendra43 · 15/10/2024 14:46

We are long distance but manage to see each other every two weeks usually and we have trips booked so we always have something to look forward to.

In a recent dinner out together he mentioned two women he has befriended at work (the women live together and are both friends) asked when he's coming over to cook for them. He's known at work as 'the chef' as he always brings the best baked goods

I know he brought this up because he wants to and it's his way of testing the waters with me.

Unfortunately I'm quite a jealous person and I don't feel comfortable with the thought of him doing something he usually does just for me or his parents for these women. AIBU?

OP posts:
Whatinthedoopla · 17/10/2024 07:00

SouthLondonMum22 · 17/10/2024 00:34

Is it the same with you and male friends?

Show quote history

Yup

ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood · 17/10/2024 07:03

Perhaps before you go to this works do, you can pee on him to mark your territory

unhappywskid · 17/10/2024 15:14

Rosiecidar · 16/10/2024 14:07

I feel OP would prefer to accept that the issue is hers, that she is controlling and or jealous; because she's uncomfortable that her boyfriend is cooking dinner for a woman she hasn't met and is a newly acquired work friend and her flatmate he has said he felt a connection to. It's not unreasonable to feel uncomfortable.
OP seems not to want to raise it because she basically doesn't want to rock the boat, or risk losing her bf. But saying that this is a situation she's not comfortable is setting a boundary and I can't believe the numbers on here who think she shouldn't have at least a conversation about it and instead have suggested the problem is with OP.

Exactly this. Feeling uncomfortable is your body/soul telling you that something isn't quite right. You're NBU. I do think this calls for a conversation with your partner. I'm not suggesting you point an accusatory finger at him, because the fact that he's sharing this with you shows he's got nothing to hide. It's more about being open about your feelings.

HobbyHorse30 · 19/10/2024 11:27

“Unfortunately I’m quite a jealous person”

You say this like it’s just the way things are and he has to accept it, although I can see from later posts that you recognise you should perhaps consider therapy. Your reaction to things is yours to own, accept, or work on, but you also get to decide what you’re prepared to accept in a relationship and if he’s not for you, then you can decide that and walk away. What you can’t do is expect him to change his choices or behaviours to suit you (apart from anything, you’ll only end up disappointed because changed behaviours never last unless the person wants to make the change themselves)

Moellen54 · 19/10/2024 13:03

Would you bring this up if they were male friends though

Desmodici · 19/10/2024 13:06

rarebits · 15/10/2024 15:10

I’d be very bothered if my partner said he had ‘an immediate connection’ to a woman and then went over to cook for her (and her friend, but only because she’s also there, because let’s be honest here…it’s about the one with ‘the connection’).

Listen to your gut.

Agreed.
It's odd that the responses in this thread are, for the majority, completely the opposite to another recent thread in which the male partner announced he had a connection with another woman. In that case, most people leaned towards LTB; here, it's all for the OP to work on her insecurities.

Creamteasandbumblebees · 19/10/2024 21:53

You say you don't like it because it's something special he does for you but I bet you wouldn't have a issue with it if he was cooking for two male friends.
It's not him cooking for others that's the issue, it's your jealousy.

livvymc · 19/10/2024 22:17

Whatinthedoopla · 16/10/2024 23:44

My partner has female friends, but one rule I had was that of he wants to meet them, I am always invited and if I can't make it, do it around my schedule too, otherwise he isn't meeting up with other women alone without me.

If he didn't like this rule, he could move along.

You need to decide what you are able to tolerate, and tell him

Seriously?! Do you do this with his male friends too? Or is it just women you don’t trust him around?
Good god

Rarebitten · 19/10/2024 23:37

Whatinthedoopla · 16/10/2024 23:44

My partner has female friends, but one rule I had was that of he wants to meet them, I am always invited and if I can't make it, do it around my schedule too, otherwise he isn't meeting up with other women alone without me.

If he didn't like this rule, he could move along.

You need to decide what you are able to tolerate, and tell him

Essentially you think that your partner can’t be trusted around women without you as a chaperone? Maybe you could just make him wear a chastity belt and you could keep the key in a safe? That way it would free up your social life from having to police his all the time.

Edingril · 19/10/2024 23:42

Whatinthedoopla · 16/10/2024 23:44

My partner has female friends, but one rule I had was that of he wants to meet them, I am always invited and if I can't make it, do it around my schedule too, otherwise he isn't meeting up with other women alone without me.

If he didn't like this rule, he could move along.

You need to decide what you are able to tolerate, and tell him

So you don't trust him to not sleep with them? You sound like a catch not!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page