To think his behaviour at the zoo was OTT?

[Rizzo8]

My partner and I are on holiday and decided to go to a local zoo. I thought we'd spend some time there then have the rest of the day together to do something else. He is high functioning autistic and acts accordingly at times, so that point matters.

Turns out the zoo is huge and endless. We finally finished walking round the first side after 4 hours!! Around this time I had an Endo flare up and started feeling unwell. I was done and ready to go but partner got annoyed saying the zoo was expensive (it was) and he wanted to make sure he saw everything! He said it was important to him!

That its the same if he goes to a museum, he needs to see everything but has never acted like this. And as this can't trump me feeling ill so in the end he relented. He was nice and comforting eventually, but not before pouting about having to leave. I couldn't believe how childish this was.

AIBU? It really had me thinking twice about things.

I don't think you are unreasonable at all.
I am autistic. I can be very obsessive about my special interests. I also have chronic pain issues, and while it's bitterly disappointing when a day out doesn't go as planned because my back and hip seized up too badly, I just have to deal with that.
I'm my husbands carer, as he has schizophrenia, of which the main frequent symptom is anxiety. sometimes he gets panicky and we have to drop plans even half way through.
that's life. you can do your best, make plans ahead (if we have a big day out planned, I take Codeine when we head out, to try and stop the pain making me seize up from trying to counterbalance my discomfort) some days we go out, and everything is great, and others, one or other of our issues will make it so that we can;t finish our planned day, and we both accept that. there's no point fighting on if you can't enjoy it.
and yes, sometimes that does mean you don't get your moneys worth. but that's life.

you did your best. you struggling on in pain wouldn't have been fun for you OR him. he should have been more understanding, even if he WAS disappointed. disappointment is normal, but sometimes it happens, and you have to accept it.

She said he is autistic. They often obsess. If that’s how he is then he can’t help that. It’s not great feeling ill and having someone like that to deal with though.

@Sometimesright yeah, I get autism can be challenging. But it's a zoo. He's a grown man. It's too much for her to deal with that level of childishness.

Yeah I get what you are saying it’s not ideal but, it’s difficult for both of them. She would have been better leaving him to it and getting a taxi

what makes you think she's faking it here?

@Sometimesright yeah, I would've been getting a taxi. But then that probably would've caused him upset as well.
They need to be well suited and it doesn't sound like they are. Even if you remove his ND.

For anyone that hasn't seen an endo flare, this is a pretty typical one that I have (not me in the video)

www.instagram.com/reel/C9kn1ogsCqt/?igsh=MWttbXV4NmgzcGhjeg==

If I were you, I would pay for another trip there. If you know you get flare ups, you should have told him previously, and go to the cafe yourself and get rest while he explores.

What makes you think she wasn't ?

If it was her looking around a museum and he said he wanted only intended to visit for a short time and half way round he got a headache then MN would have been full of LTB.

It is a forum, all or none of this could be true or somewhere in-between.

But it isn't unheard of for people to say they are ill to get what they want.

This is a non issue. Sorry OP, not everyone knows how bad endo flare up feels, so you’re not going to get unwavering empathy to the level you need right away. It’s not something externally obvious like your leg just fell off. ND or no ND, a person is allowed to feel annoyed that expensive plans have to suddenly change for something they don’t fully understand. You partner is not a robot, he did get annoyed, but saw your side of things, even if he didn’t fully understand, and then you got your way. Why are you even posting about this non issue?

(It cute that he fell asleep with you, btw, he could have been an ass and go off in a huff).

I don't think that video will make people think that "Oh! That endo flare-up is terrible".
I'm afraid it might make people think "That's piss-poor acting" and "That poor dog is terrified by being clutched and slobbered over by someone who thinks going 'Ow! Ow!' shows genuine pain but is still able to set up a camera at the top of the stairs to film herself climbing back up the stairs".

I'm not clicking the link but what is there to "see"? It's gynae pain. We've all experienced it either through similar conditions, or bad periods or labour.

It's gynae pain. We've all experienced it either through similar conditions, or bad periods or labour.

I haven't watched the video so can't comment on that. But this is diminishing of true endo pain. I've experienced a typical "bad period", labour, and severe endometriosis pain. They are not similar. The worst by far for me is the endo pain. And it a very different type and intensity of pain.

What an ignorant and minimising way to refer to endometriosis. I don't have it but my friend does and it has been hugely disabling for her

@CassandraWebb
Totally agree. This is what women with endo experience all the time - their pain being diminished as "just period pain". It's nothing fucking like it. I could walk and talk through my period pain, yes it hurt, but I could function. Endo pain at its worst literally takes my breath away and I cannot stand, never mind walk. It's a very distinct pain, not "just period pain".

Another key difference for me is the inability to pass urine or a bowel movement without feeling like a knife is stabbing repeatedly through my entire bladder / bowels, causing me to cry out in pain and almost vomit, to the point I avoid using the toilet on my period and feel panicky when I need to. If that's regular period pain, I'm eat my hat.

Labour - again - hugely painful. But it came in waves and I could take medication to breathe through the pains. There was respite in between. there was also an end loin in sight, and a very clear purpose to my pains (ie, meeting my baby). Again, none of those things are true of endo.

I suppose this thread has highlighted that knowledge and understanding of the condition is still woefully poor. No wonder sufferers continue to be dismissed.

It's horrifying isn't it, you would think that on a website primarily for women there would be much better understanding

I'll just leave these screenshots here. Plenty of other resources online should people wish to educate themselves on the struggles of women with this awful condition and how it is not in the same league as "just period pain".

It all comes down to a lack of understanding from you both about each other's conditions.
You need a frank conversation re your endometriosis and what that means to you and how it affects you and also his autism and how it affects him too.
You just need to communicate and take it from there.

@LaMarschallin the camera is her phone? On the stairs above her, propped on a stair
It's no wonder doctors minimise pain if you think that's acted
I say ow ow or fuck repeatedly because funnily when I'm in that much pain I don't know what I'm saying
And I've videoed myself before because doctors just haven't believed it so I've propped up my phone during a flare to show what's happening and try and describe the pain and say what medication I've taken

Yanbu, 4 hours of walking around and I would be done too.

Unless an emergency you should have gone back home to rest alone.

It isn't though. Nearly every woman has in her life experienced excruciating pain through virtue or her biological make up. It's called empathy. I don't need to see someone filming themselves in pain for likes to go someway to understanding what severe gynaecological pain feels like, I've experienced it, it's horrible.

Yes, I know it's her phone.

It's no wonder doctors minimise pain if you think that's acted

Yes, I do think that's (badly) acted, but I'm not her doctor so it doesn't really matter what I think. Her doctor would hopefully know her and know if filming herself during a flare-up and putting it on the internet was usual behavior for her.

Maybe it would be more sensible for her to spend her time making sure she had cocodamol both up and downstairs rather than filming strips of naproxen and paracetamol that she has in her kitchen cupboards.

She's the same as any other endo account. Raising awareness

It's just funny how accounts that raise awareness about living with cancer, living with chronic illnesses, living with a stoma etc don't get this about filming themselves and told they should be more organised with pain relief, just a "period pain" account

And it takes average 7 years to be diagnosed.. funny that women are trying to raise awareness(!)
Especially when I have had to explain in a disciplinary meeting over my sickness that no it doesn't just happen on my period and no I don't get any warning or ability to predict it

You know what he is like. You are still with him. Your life is going to be miserable if you don’t learn to cope with situations like this. However much you want him to change it isn’t going to happen.