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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bringing your whole fucking family to A&E

354 replies

changedlife · 14/10/2024 19:52

Waiting to be seen at A&E. sent here by GP because DH has had an adverse blood result that needs to be dealt with.

A&E packed as usual. To be expected. However one family is here with one woman. There are 5 grown adults with the patient who is in her 30s... I don't know her issue but laughing a joking with the family. Just to add to the joy their phones go off constantly whereupon they give a blow by blow run down of her current medical state (she's hurt her foot it seems - from the latest phone update. )

DH is disabled. There is nowhere to sit In A&E. Foot-family are settled in and have actually just had a KFC delivery. I swear it's like an evening out for them.

DH can't stand. So have sent him back to wait in the car - which as he has a blue badge - is quite close. I'll call him when his turn comes. As I can stand.. However .. AIBU to think you don't need FIVE adults accompanying you to A&E. ? Especially with some really poorly older people have had to resort to sitting on the floor ? (And no one has volunteered their seat for them. )

OP posts:
PermanentlyTired03 · 15/10/2024 14:16

You always get it at the children’s hospital. I was there with DD, and a teenage boy (hurt arm- fine to hit his siblings though) was with his mum and siblings- all old enough to not be there. Each of them calling anyone and everyone complaining. Eventually started playing DnB music! No member of staff said anything to them. I wasn’t going to as she looked so rough and angry she might’ve knocked me out with her heavily ringed fingers. Certainly a deterrent to stop you going to a&e for minor problems.

Ponoka7 · 15/10/2024 14:21

CoffeeCantata · 15/10/2024 08:02

Ugh. I've experienced this kind of thing too.

I get why over-worked NHS staff may not be able to exert the same authority over these nasty people as they once did (when society was more respectful in general) but surely they could bring in an official policy and a publicity campaign - with posters and notices, so at least people could point to these in support of requests to be more considerate?

Something like: just one other person in A & E, and only, say, a max of 3 visitors in wards, no food to be brought in (surely a horrible infection risk, apart from the smells etc?) and no devices - just quiet talking.

I understand why it may be difficult to enforce these rules with feral people, but I don't get why there can't be some clear rules in place.

Show quote history

When were people more respectful? I used to attend hospital in the 70's as a child and people would smoke. When I had my first baby in 1985, the nurses had to police smoking only in the lounge off the ward. I had pregnancies from 1985 to 1997 and seats were always taken by relatives/men. If there was a no food rule, then then patient care would suffer and the catering section wouldn't manage. They need the input from family to take the strain. Things would be ten times more tense if people couldn't go on devices.

BabyCloud · 15/10/2024 14:47

Slightly different but I’ll never forget when I was being seen in the breast clinic.

I was alone, shaking like a leaf and terrified about a prominent lump I had when a woman loudly and excitedly said ‘It’s like a nice day out isn’t it?’ She rambled on a little more and seemed to be thrilled to be sat in a hospital waiting room. Thankfully I got good news but I know there was other women who didn’t get a great outcome that day.

I don’t tend to judge people if they don’t look unwell though unless they are the hyper ones that are back and forward the whole time. I’ve been sent for heart problems many times and looked perfectly fine but ended up in resus and admitted.

LetsSeeHowFarWeveCome · 15/10/2024 16:42

crowsfeet57 · 15/10/2024 00:41

I was in A and E a while ago when a couple turned up with three children, all primary school ages, one of whom had a suspected broken arm. It was really busy so it would have made more sense for one parent to take the other children home. After a few minutes a pair of grandparents turned up but instead of taking the uninjured children home they sat down and started passing out snacks. Then the other grandparents arrived, switly followed by two sets of Aunts and Uncles with two more children each. It was like a party and all seven of the children were running around shrieking, including the one with the suspected broken arm.

It was totally surreal.

Edited

I'd have been raging if I'd seen this. Especially when I wasn't allowed to accompany my husband into A&E because it was too full not too long ago when he physically couldn't walk and had lost feeling in his legs and was wheeled in from the car. I was refused at the door. He sat in A&E alone for over 24 hours before being admitted ... unable to walk without support ... ended up having surgery on his spine for a cyst which was causing the issues. Shocking.

Feelingathomenow · 15/10/2024 17:43

I previously lived in Birmingham- I’m sure the local hospitals were a rainy day out for some families, each patient seems to be accompanied by at least 10 members of their extended family. And yes they do bring picnics which aren’t a pleasant smell for anyone with nausea..

There needs to be a strictly enforced limited of 1 person per patient. They managed to curtail numbers in covid

Sharptonguedwoman · 15/10/2024 17:44

JollyJolene · 14/10/2024 22:48

We had a very similar experience a few months back. I accompanied my mum to A&E and there was a 20 something lady with about 4 friends and family members with her. My mum was taken through and I stayed with her whilst she was admitted and taken to a ward. This took maybe 2 hours. By this time, when I walked through A&E to go home, the person was still having the time of her life but now with about 8 other people. Also on the phone/facetiming. It was genuinely like a night out. I’m surprised they didn’t crack open a can of Stella.

I thought it was just me. I spent hours waiting for mum to come in by ambulance, 2 or 3 people with each patient in the waiting room, lots of phones. Some of the people came through the clinic when I was waiting in triage but when I left at 11pm after mum was admitted, there were a group of the same people smoking just outside the doors and having a fine time. Utterly bizarre.

Singlemomofthree · 15/10/2024 17:45

this is common at my local children a&e with a particular ethnicity, i was in last weekend with my son who’d broken his wrist, only it wasn’t just one family they were several family groups. I asked to be moved as not only the smell of various family picnic but the noise from them was unbearable. Lucky the staff moved us to a quieter area and were very apologetic

Jack80 · 15/10/2024 17:50

In our A and E it's one relative to a patient, speak to the staff.

Chumbawomble · 15/10/2024 17:52

Have had very similar in Gloucester Royal. DH had quinsy and felt v unwell. Had a chair (lucky!) but a large family were having the best time ever with takeaways, banter and phonecalls. Morons.

CommonAsMucklowe · 15/10/2024 18:00

Some people are so sad and love a drama. It's like a trip out for them isn't it? YANBU, these sort of people really have nothing better to do.

LG123 · 15/10/2024 18:01

Motherland2624 · 14/10/2024 22:42

You can’t order kfc to hospitals

Yes, yes you can.

bryceQ · 15/10/2024 18:02

That is ridiculous.

Can't you just ask the staff is there is a seat for your husband as he is unable to stand? And the staff will move some of them on?

IlooklikeNigella · 15/10/2024 18:14

Oldnproud · 15/10/2024 11:19

I was in A&E overnight with OH four weeks ago (weekday, not weekend). It was quite an experience.

We arrived - by ambulance - at about 8.30. At that point there were still seats available in our smallish waiting area, but they were filling up, and each time a patient went off for a test we would shuffle around to let them sit with their partner when they returned.

Later on, there were clearly not enough chairs for both patients and whoever was with them, but luckily most of us were more than happy to stand so that those in need could sit.

There was one family that was so jolly that it was hard to work out who was actually the patient. They didn't send out for a takeaway though - a couple of them popped out instead and came back with fish and chips. They were coming and going non-stop for one reason or another. Fortunately they had left before things got really busy.

OH was later moved to a cubicle for the night, and at his request, I stayed with him. We could still hear some of the more troubled would-be patients (who appeared to have either mental health or drug-related issues, possibly both) shouting and causing problems all night long, and I had to request help for one of them on two separate occasions when I visited the toilets and found them lying on the floor in there.

The poor staff were under constant pressure from all sides.
I think they all, both medical and non-medical, deserve a bloody medal for what they have to put up with while trying to dotheir job.

I don't.

I've been in a&e more times than your average person and not because I get into drunken brawla or indulge in extreme sports. I've found a large proportion of a&e staff to be downright rude, unhelpful and at times entirely negligent.

I'm not saying they are not overworked. It's a piss poor excuse. They chose that career. I didn't choose to be ill and I've never been rude to any of them.

It takes the same amount of time to say in a kind tone "hang in there, as soon as we can bring you through we will." as a disdainful tone saying something dismissive. I've heard a&e staff claiming people are using them for inadequate reasons, moan about their shifts, openly laughing at patients, the list goes on.

If you're going to do a job then do it well. That security guard and the rest of the staff should have been prioritising the patients that needed seats and support.

Sakuem · 15/10/2024 18:17

When midwife sent me in to A&E heavily pregnant, for suspected DVT, it was so crowded 80 or 90 people waiting to be seen. Not enough chairs, so when I got tired, I phoned midwife to ask if I could go home and come back next day, but she said it was important that I stay there and wait to be seen.
Sat on floor at one point, until a kind teenage boy with his Dad, offered me his chair.
A few hours in, a member of staff came out and announced loudly to make sure everyone could hear him, that that evening was especially busy and that they'd be sending people away. I thought at first that he meant that patients would be sent away because not enough staff/time to see everyone, but then he followed with, "so anyone who is NOT sick, but accompanying a patient, please could you all leave, so that the actual patients who need the chairs, can sit".

hope your husband has been seen now and hopefully feeling better.
and security guard should kick out the ones who don't need to be there. Fair enough, have a designated person for support, but not more that one chaperone per patient, and especially not eating certain foods that are likely to stink out the waiting room and affect others, who could be already naseous, etc.

xx

Pottedpalm · 15/10/2024 18:18

itwasnevermine · 15/10/2024 11:51

Unpopular opinion but I'm in urgent care right now and the only ones laughing and joking are the elderly who are all loving it, the rest of us are all sat here in pain/unwell.

Nice.

Skodacool · 15/10/2024 18:20

You could complain to PALS, they're usually quite effective.

itwasnevermine · 15/10/2024 18:22

@Pottedpalm so it's okay for all the "it's the chavs!!!" Comments or comments with a racial undertone asking the ethnicity of the people there, but when I point out the same can be true of the elderly (who all say there laughing, joking, eating from the hospital cafe) it's wrong?

Sayithowiseeit · 15/10/2024 18:23

Ahh this reminds me of being on the ward very poorly when this woman had, I shit you not, a pretty much full on family gathering at her hospital bed, music playing, food, kids screaming and running around. It was fucking horrendous.

A&E is the same, it's a day out 🙄

Boomer55 · 15/10/2024 18:26

These people that clutter up A&E for a family day trip out are completely nuts.🤷‍♀️

Brieandcamembert · 15/10/2024 18:30

It shows what is wring with the NHS. You should only be in A& E if you might die otherwise or have such a serious illness or injury that you will not recover without immediate medical intervention.

People nip off there for the jolly because its "free" Tonsillitis, a bit of a sore foot etc

wwjalme · 15/10/2024 18:44

Actually I think there should be rules about this sort of thing and they should be enforced. So maximum one or two people with a patient in the waiting area. Any other hangers on can go to the cafe or canteen or somewhere.

Having said that, when I was 18 (a long time ago now) and at university, a lad on our corridor tripped down the stairs and injured his ankle (was actually broken) so 5 of us, including him squashed into someone's car and went to A&E basically for a bit of evening jolly off campus. Yeah, looking back it was bad, one or two people should have gone, but we were young and daft and it was a bit exciting and dramatic really - first time away from home, I'd never been in A&E etc.
We all hung around there for most of the night. No one kicked us out but it wasn't actually full either.

Still, 30 year olds should know better than stupid university students.

helpplease01 · 15/10/2024 19:00

Disgusting, astonishingly in self aware!! Staggering actually

croydon15 · 15/10/2024 19:14

Hatty65 · 14/10/2024 19:57

I'd have told them my DH was disabled and waiting to see a doctor and politely asked if one of them could give up a seat please (assuming they are taking them up).

If they'd refused I'd have spoken to whoever was on the desk and asked if they could either get some of these people to leave - or bring some extra chairs for the disabled person who WAS waiting to be seen.

This

ilovepixie · 15/10/2024 19:15

I was in A@E last week. It was packed. I've never seen it so bad. People sitting everywhere. There was a 13 hour wait. And there was people there with their whole families, shouting, laughing watching things on phones, eating pizza! It was awful. I understand take someone with you, but not your whole family!

Madrigal12 · 15/10/2024 19:23

You shouldn't need to make such choices or worry what might kick-off if you had the audacity to point out their shitty behaviour !

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