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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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24
Jukeboxjive · 11/12/2024 14:26

@YourAmplePlumPoster definitely.

They need to answer for their descion and on what evidence

YourAmplePlumPoster · 11/12/2024 15:38

Signed.

PumpkinSpicePie · 11/12/2024 15:44

It's so shocking what people are allowed to do and still get custody of children

11 January 2013
Sara Sharif is made the subject to a child protection plan at birth due to her father, Urfan Sharif, being accused of attacking three women including her biological mother, Olga Domin, as well as hitting and biting children. Sara is allowed to remain with her father.

22 February 2013
Social services and police are told that Sharif has slapped a child around the face.

7 May 2013
A social worker spots a burn mark on a child’s leg and Sharif claims it was a barbecue accident. Sharif failed to report the incident, contrary to a social services agreement. Five months later, a child is seen with a burn mark sustained from a domestic iron. Sharif tells social services the child had knocked into the iron.

2014
A child tells a social worker Sharif smashed up a TV and punched Domin.

November 2014
Sara is taken into foster care for a short stint after a child tells a social worker about a bite mark. A note from a social worker reads that Sara flinches when Sharif tells her off during a supervised contact session and appears surprised when he picks her up and cuddles her. Sara is later returned to her father.

December 2014
A child tells a social worker they do not like Sharif because he punches them all over their body and gives them lots of bruises.

29 January 2015
A social worker is told that Sharif waved a knife around at home in what he claimed was a “zombie” game. Social worker records from 2015 note allegations that Sharif hit and kicked Domin and the pair threatened to kill each other.

February 2015
A child tells their foster carer that Sharif used to hit them on the bottom with a belt.

2015
Olga Domin tells social services that Urfan Sharif tightened a belt around her neck. Sara is returned to Domin’s care later that year. A social worker who worked with the family around this time said female colleagues found Sharif “coercive”. One reported that Sharif told her she must have a mental illness. A social worker notes Sharif would get easily irritated during supervised meetings with Sara and she would shout at him to go away when he went over to her. In September 2015, a child is heard to say that Sharif hit and kicked them every day.

October 2019
Sharif applies to Guildford family court for custody of Sara. Sara has accused Domin of abuse, it is alleged during the trial, and it is understood that Surrey county council supports her return to her father because that is Sara’s preference.

6 June 2022
A teacher spots a bruise under Sara’s left eye, which is recorded in the school’s child protection online monitoring system (CPOMS). Sara initially does not reveal what happened, before saying another child hit her. The teacher raises concerns with Sara’s stepmother, Beinash Batool. A week later, Sharif informs staff he wants to homeschool Sara. She does not return to school until the start of the next academic year.

10 March 2023
A teacher spots Sara with bruises to her chin and right eye. Sara says she fell on roller skates and tries to cover her face with her headscarf. When she gives a different story to a safeguarding lead, the school contacts Surrey council’s children’s single point of access (CSPA) safeguarding line and makes a referral to social services. Sara is known to authorities but there has been no contact with her family for four years. Social services categorises the case as the second-highest priority and makes requests for information from wider agencies, before closing the case after six days.

17 March 2023
Batool is overheard referring to children as “bastards, motherfuckers and whores” in the playground. A report is logged on CPOMS and the school contacts CSPA on 20 March but a written referral is not made.

28 March 2023
Batool claims a mark on Sara’s cheek, which appears to be a bruise, has been caused by a pen. The teacher tells the school safeguarding lead. It is recorded on CPOMS.

17 April 2023
Sharif informs the headteacher that he will be homeschooling Sara with immediate effect. It is recorded on CPOMS. The school contacts the CSPA line for advice and is told to make a referral if there are concerns. Staff see Sara later that day at school pickup and she seems fine, even though Sharif has beaten her earlier that day, according to evidence heard in court. A referral is not made. She is never seen outside the home again.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/dec/11/sara-sharif-death-what-were-the-missed-chances

What were the missed chances to prevent Sara Sharif’s death?

Trial revealed 15 occasions when authorities were made aware that the schoolgirl was potentially in danger

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/dec/11/sara-sharif-death-what-were-the-missed-chances

Butteredtoast55 · 11/12/2024 16:03

After many years working with children and being involved in safeguarding, I am sorry to say that there is little that shocks me about all of this. Horrifies and appalls me, yes, but it doesn't surprise me. I just don't know when the powers that be are ever going to learn.
I truly appreciate that it is important for families to be supported through difficulties and I know from personal experience the impact it can have for some children who are taken away from their parents. But there are some cases where, time and time again, opportunities are missed to protect and rescue children. Parents who are clearly incapable of doing the very basic things necessary to bring their children up in a safe and loving environment are allowed chance after chance when it is as plain as day that they are never going to be anything other than abusive, selfish, feckless and dangerous idiots whose actions do irreparable damage. I really have wept for this little girl and the horrifying circumstances of her life (and death), especially when she was so badly let down by people with the responsibility and power to prevent what happened to her.

bombastix · 11/12/2024 16:07

There are many cases like this. Multiple referrals, social workers who close cases because statutory criteria aren’t met, police investigations where allegations are made, goes to the family court, child living with an abusive man who tells her to say she should stay with him.

The previous allegations should have been the clearest sign that her wishes were being influenced. Where was the care displayed? Nowhere

Vinvertebrate · 11/12/2024 16:15

Fuck me, what does it take for the police to charge someone, when a clearly violent man perpetuates violence and intimidation on women and children so prolifically?

That poor young girl. Absolutely failed at every turn.

Allofthelightsss · 11/12/2024 16:17

Signed x

bombastix · 11/12/2024 16:19

It’s cases like this that expose in some ways the UK is not much better in witness terms than those places where a man has to confirm what a woman saw or else it is dismissed. I’m sure we think we are a progressive country, but this built in misogyny is clear or otherwise it wouldn’t keep happening.

All my life I have seen government wring their hands about this kind of incident. Nothing happens. The family court needs to be reformed away from contact at any cost. The cost is an abusers delight.

bombastix · 11/12/2024 16:23

And perhaps it’s time to look critically at the sex of offending and the risk presented by men in the family court as opposed their status as a father? Because we seem to suspend that aspect of risk there.

We see a man who violent to women. Whose daughter flinches from his touch at a young age. Who pushes him away. And yet his perceived status as her father overrides all of that. Whereas it should have read “violent man”.

MyPithyPoster · 11/12/2024 16:27

I went to family court with not one but three restraining orders against my ex who was seeking 50-50 custody to avoid paying child-support
They were given nothing more than a cursory glance. Social services weren’t interested.
I absolutely do blame them for Sara ‘s death individually and collectively

bombastix · 11/12/2024 16:32

Other countries do not engage in this farce but we do. What is wrong with the UK that we have ended up in a situation like this? Is just those we don’t care?

This killing and her beating has a strong sadistic element. Very strong. What is it about our family court system that cannot identify that as a risk to a child? This disgusting man ritualized his beatings. He enjoyed it. So let’s stop pretending our courts are good. They bloody aren’t.

YourAmplePlumPoster · 11/12/2024 16:39

Having been on the receiving end of a violent man decades ago, I thought things might have improved but they obviously haven't. The problem is these people are manipulative and cunning in ways that normal people can't comprehend and they can fool even experienced professionals.

Superhansrantowindsor · 11/12/2024 16:41

There should be no second chances. This poor child has been let down by so many people. How on earth did anyone think it was remotely appropriate for her to live with these monsters?

YourAmplePlumPoster · 11/12/2024 16:41

What about the neighbours who heard the screams? What is wrong with these people?

NovemberMorn · 11/12/2024 16:50

YourAmplePlumPoster · 11/12/2024 16:41

What about the neighbours who heard the screams? What is wrong with these people?

They are pathetic, that's what's wrong with them.
As were the social workers, who decided no action was needed after the school reported injuries on Sara.
As are everyone who turns the other way if they even suspect a child is being mistreated.

Signed.

fashionqueen0123 · 11/12/2024 17:42

YourAmplePlumPoster · 11/12/2024 14:08

What judge awarded him custody? There needs to be an investigation from top to bottom.

Yup the bbc article mentions how it was the same judge who knew all of the prior investigations was the one who handed him custody. WTH

roxyro · 11/12/2024 17:47

When I read the previous of this monster it makes my blood boil. How in the name of God could anyone with two brain cells allow him to have custody of any child?

Why when the stepmother is heard calling children mfrs, sisterf*rs, whores in a playground, is something not done?

it’s about time we stop making excuses and finally accept social services aren’t fit for purpose? I know there’s underfunding but there’s also political correctness, naive young social workers and just sheer incompetence illustrated time and time again. There’s also unwillingness by them, the police and education depts to interfere in certain communities and their culture.

i could cry with frustration.

fashionqueen0123 · 11/12/2024 17:51

Quite frankly what is the point of social services at this stage. How many areas have now had to admit they have massive failings? And we are all paying their wages.
And the judges.

And why were none of these adults hauled over the coals for blatant abuse for years?

greenday16B · 11/12/2024 17:51

bombastix · 11/12/2024 16:32

Other countries do not engage in this farce but we do. What is wrong with the UK that we have ended up in a situation like this? Is just those we don’t care?

This killing and her beating has a strong sadistic element. Very strong. What is it about our family court system that cannot identify that as a risk to a child? This disgusting man ritualized his beatings. He enjoyed it. So let’s stop pretending our courts are good. They bloody aren’t.

I don't know about " other countries" but we do seem spectacularly bad at this.

greenday16B · 11/12/2024 17:53

Why when the stepmother is heard calling children mfrs, sisterfrs, whores in a playground, is something not done?*

Don't get involved, keep your head down, it's nothing to do with you.

Lalgarh · 11/12/2024 18:06

fashionqueen0123 · 11/12/2024 17:42

Yup the bbc article mentions how it was the same judge who knew all of the prior investigations was the one who handed him custody. WTH

There really is no quality control on judges is there

fashionqueen0123 · 11/12/2024 18:08

Lalgarh · 11/12/2024 18:06

There really is no quality control on judges is there

They could have got the average person off the street to make a better decision!

Alltheyearround · 11/12/2024 18:19

Thetrickcyclist · 11/12/2024 14:15

Thank you for that link, I've signed the petition. Such a shocking case, the details of what Sara suffered were unbearable to read at times

Signed. Shocking.

Lalgarh · 11/12/2024 18:29

I thought I heard the step mother was allowed to refuse permission to have her dental records taken. The bite marks on that little girl were ruled out as being from her father, although he had been reported as biting children before (and again, JFC), so it was thought to be her or the uncle

Lalgarh · 11/12/2024 18:32

Correction. It is likely to have been her

Dental impressions taken of Sharif and his younger brother Malik, 29, had ruled them out of causing the bite marks on her arm and thigh, while Batool had refused to take part in the process.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/sara-sharif-father-stepmother-guilty-murder-abuse-b2649019.html

Can someone refuse to give fingerprints?

Sara Sharif’s father and stepmother guilty of murdering schoolgirl

Family carried out horrific campaign of abuse against 10-year-old before fleeing to Pakistan after her death

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/sara-sharif-father-stepmother-guilty-murder-abuse-b2649019.html