Secret phone calls…

[EmpressTrinTrin]

Dp of 4 years was married to his ex wife for 10 years. They have children. 2 girls. I usually don’t interfere in their co-parenting business, I let them do that in peace but recently the ex-wife asked dp that when making phone calls to his children, I should not be around and so he complied and whenever he has to make phone calls to his children he leaves the house to do so. So obviously I am now thinking what is it that they will talk about that I can’t hear because she is always in the background and will sometimes find ways to involve herself in the conversations between dp and his children. AIBU by asking DP why he has to leave when he must communicate with his children and the request of his ex-wife and should instead make his phone calls where I can also hear what is being said if there are no secrets?

Why oh why are you still with him????

Another case of a weak man that puts his exs feelings and wants before that of his current partner. That lack of boundaries and bollocks is infuriating but add his infidelity it’s obvious you won’t trust him and with good reason. You said he slept with her numerous times, with respect and kindness, find the strength to know your worth and toss this one back. Maybe his ex will re home him

If this was purely about taking phone calls in private, yabu. I always leave the room to take calls ( as do dp and dc’s), Very normal in our house.
I have no idea why you are still in a relationship with this person ( after seeing your update re his cheating).

You don’t have to get over it.

You could leave the whole fucking dysfunctional disrespectful lot of them.

To those asking, I have nowhere else to go at the moment as I had to stop working while I was pregnant. Maybe why he disrespects me and maybe why I take it. If I had the means, my son and I would have left ages ago. Im just scared of being homeless with a 7 month old baby….

I have no means to start over.

Why can’t he just go into a different room? Why does he have to go outside?

It is reasonable to have to consider how a baby is going to be supported, and maybe that has to be the first thing to take into account, for now.
It's why contraception is such an important thing for us to school our daughters on, as once you have a baby depending on you, it's all a lot more complicated.
So, maybe you have to make a plan, and maybe it will take a while to create the escape you need... So you decide you're playing a long game, you research your options, work out your steps and work towards to it gradually... Maybe your options will be within reach, maybe it will take time to put the things you need in place (housing applications, qualifications etc etc)...
Maybe some more knowledgeable folk will be doing in a bit to offer more advice than I can.
But stuck now doesn't have to be trapped forever.

Many a tragic novel is based on the human condition of being trapped by circumstance... Which tells you, you aren't the first person to be in this predicament, so don't feel hopeless. Luckily we aren't living in the age where you have to sell your teeth to feed your children (Les miserables)... There are less drastic options for us these days fortunately.

The infidelity I assume was happening before you lumbered yourself with a baby? So now it’s just excuses. If you want out, there’s ways to get out and charities that can support you. I suspect you don’t want out, you just want the man you love to not be a cunt. I’m sorry to break it to you, that man will always be shit and you’ll always resent him for dipping his wick in his ex wife and now having the constant reminder via his children. You can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves.

at this point, get out or put up and shut up, you’ve already told this man you’ll accept being disrespected he is doing what you’ve shown him is ok.

He’ll still be his dad….🤷‍♀️

Thats what made me suspicious. Other calls he takes them to the bedroom shuts the door and has his privacy.

Thank you for this

Again, you are right.

Oh FFS 🤦‍♀️

yawn, so this is just another woman procreating with someone who doesn’t respect her and then moaning about the consequences

You had the means before getting pregnant though surely? Jesus wept

Wonder why people respond if they’re not going to be nice. How have I hurt you? Let people who are willing to help help. Thank you and good day!

Yes I was working

Why can't you go back to your job?

The hours I have to work there is no day care at that time (in this country). i work evenings. No family or friends I could leave him with. But Im working on it. If I get something, Ill be right back to work. Thanks for asking…

So why did you decide to bring a poor innocent baby into this mess? You had choices, you chose to make bad ones not only for you, but for your child

I’m very sorry for you and your situation

Do you have family or any friends? You’re in a difficult situation and if I were you I would go and speak to women’s aid.

this man is horrible to you and gas lighting you. You need help out if this situation

Why can't he take care of the baby at night while you work?

What would your hours be?

My hours are 4pm to 10pm. His hours are the same.

@EmpressTrinTrin you have to make it a slow plan to leave . Start detaching mentaly . Is there a spare room ?
Look for new work . He’s at home all day he can have baby .
Also get your name down for nursery places so that you have a back up when you do leave if he doesn’t step up .

There is no reason you can’t get work now that you have said he only works 6 hours at night.
I know it’s hard when you have a bay you expected to stay at home with .
Your reality is very different though . The sooner you get back to work and make money to leave the better and happier ypu and your baby will be.

Good luck .

Also you can claim UC as a single person while
living together as long as it’s just sharing a roof while getting your own place . If you are seperated not sleeping together not doing anything for him. Cooking washing cleaning . Life admin, then you are single and can make a claim . This would allow you save but would he be ok with that or would It cause a problem while you save for a place . Either that or work at day time and he does childcare .