To be offended by this

[Strawberries86]

Dp of 18 months has a younger female friend. They met through work and although no longer work together, remained friends. The context is at times Iv noticed some “mentionitis” but overall the friendship has little impact on me. They mainly watsapp and see each other infrequently, she has a partner also.

The mentioning of this friend has increased recently and il admit Iv been a little concerned.

To the issue!
last night she sent him a TikTok he couldn’t open (he doesn’t have the app) I said to send it to me and he can look on my phone.

It was a video of a comedian making fun of a women with my name. He then goes on to refer to a childish insult related to my name and he then links it to having a damaged vagina due to having children. I have the name and I also have children.

I swear I’m not easily offended but I hardly know this young woman I’m offended that he didn’t see an issue with it but also that she felt safe to send it him? Like a shared joke at my expense.

Give it to me - aibu?

Well.....let the test begin

How will you monitor his contact with this woman?

No, indeed, I agree. Very difficult 😕

*Making fun of you is unlikely to be a sudden and abrupt development so even if you don’t believe he’s been outright horrible about you, there’s clearly been some negative overtones somewhere.

I think you need to ask him what’s been said about you before and why she would send that video, believing it would get a warm reception*

Absolutely agree

Perhaps she'd had a drink and her judgement was impaired.

Just keep your eye on things OP.

I don't think you are deluded or weak, you want to try and give him a chance to make amends after making a mistake, there is nothing wrong in that. Sometimes you have to get angry it's too easy to let things slide, it only progresses worse, hopefully he is as good as his word and he ditches her toxic friendship. Fair play to you for spelling it out to him.

Like you I'd want to see him follow up the actions on the friendship being over and I wish you both the best for the future.

I don't buy impaired judgement on slagging off a friends partner, that was a calculated, disruptive, and cruel act not a crappy joke however drunk or sober she was.

Only read your first post. Have some self respect, get rid, he is at best having an emotional affair with this brat so they can have each other.

It always astounds me what women will allow. You allow him to be besties with some young girl on WhatsApp whilst with you? Insane

What a cop out!

Let's say you didn't see it, is he saying he wouldn't have watched it properly?

She would have wanted a reaction from him and probed for a response.

He's either a complete drip or he's now frantically covering his backside and telling you what you want to hear.

I suspect he's both.

He will find another way to communicate with this woman so you don't find out.

He will now have resentment that you have made it difficult for him.

Sorry, the relationship is doomed, you mark my words.

Wow. Stop gaslighting yourself. The guy is a grade A c**t. No bargaining with yourself will change that. Trust your instincts (because I can clearly see you have been ignoring them)

You need to take the trash out.

She woulda got a swift roundhouse kick from me. What a snakey thing to do.

Don’t bother trying to get an explanation. These men’s go to is in gaslighting you, calling you crazy and somehow making it your fault.

Change the locks and leave his shit out the door.

I think you are making a mistake.

Then, to make peace with yourself (and if you can be bothered) wreck both their lives. If you can get into his phone I’m sure there are some juicy pics you can send to her parents/work/partner.

OP, how is he doing about ending the friendship? Is he going to tell her it’s unacceptable to disrespect his wife like that? Is he going to block her on everything with no explanation?
Is he likely to run into this woman again?

Nah, he’s gaslighting you. His method of defence is to lay down and play dead (“oh, I didn’t actually pay attention to what it was”) and hope you’ll forget it quickly. As a pp said, he’ll just be more careful in his communication with this woman now.

I’d bet my life savings this man is very different with others (especially potential OW) to how he is with you. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of meeting one and being taken in myself with the sweet, naive act. I thought he was the nicest, most emotionally mature man I’d ever met but he was playing a game, acting out a character - almost as though he had multiple personalities.

His mask slipped, he made a silly mistake (or maybe it was calculated? Men like this often play games and know exactly what they’re doing).

She thought he’d find that “joke” - which insulted his partner, the woman he’s supposed to love in a most disgusting, puerile way - amusing. You have to ask yourself why?

The guy I was involved with called his wife “the soul sucker” amongst other things, even referred to her as “it”.

I believe she’s still married to him, she found out about our affair and saw a lot of our messages (so must be aware of the derogatory way he spoke about her) but apparently he’s told her a load of old bullshit and she’s decided to stay. I feel really sorry for her, she has no idea what a nasty bastard she’s married to.

I really hope your decision to bury your head in the sand doesn’t bite you on the backside in the future OP.

I think that if your DP is a nice person, he should now see that this friend isn’t a nice person. That’s what it comes down to. x x

Thanks @MarkingBad i understand why posters think I’m being daft. My ex for example was useless in so many ways and I’d live in the sea before getting back with him. But out of the relationship, he’s not a bad person. People are multi dimensional and I know with complete certainty my dp is far far far from being a bad person.

I think that’s exactly why I had to ask on here if I was being unreasonable, because for him to hurt me in anyway is so outside of his personality - it literally made me question something so flipping obvious.

This morning was brief. I’m still burning and in no mood to be generous but if I what I hear makes sense, il give the opportunity for it to be backed up by actions.

And if I fall flat on my face, il resurrect this thread, admit it, and it can be used as a warning for the rest of us.

And to add I said fuck the comedian because he humiliated that woman.

And I blame the other 2 parties in this equally. She should be a better woman and I hope one day she has children and reflects on this and he should not allow me to have been hurt in that way.

You sound like a nice woman but you had to lose your shit to get something so basic across to him....not good.

You are obviously very keen on this man, hence your desperation to excuse him.

Good, kind men do not receive stuff like that unsolicited from another woman, not a chance.

They have definitely had some sort of conversation that made that ping for her and she thought it would resonate with him and make him snicker.

You deserve better.
She is absolutely vile.

When you forgive them for betraying you it's then a green light for them to do it again because they have the power of knowing that you want them so badly you are prepared to forgive their awful behaviour.

You don't truly know him.

🍿

He’s a nice man? See you soon! 😂

The girl is nasty, but your husband is supposed to hold you up to the heavens as his wife. He is the true traitor here.

Anyway, good luck 🤞

This. Sadly you have now shown him you'll stay. You'll have another post on her within 6 months. I'm sorry for you because you deserve better. After he leaves for this girl you'll see how much better and happier you'll be. Good luck.

You already know somewhere inside that he's sleeping with this woman. Don't make excuses. Dump him. You have children to consider here.

He’s her “DP of 18 months” not her husband. It’s the first line of the OP.