Just returned to the thread to ask what the physio has been doing to help. I was using a Tenscare pelvic exerciser but I recently started seeing a pelvic physio and was told that my pelvic floor is overactive and to stop using it.
I've now stopped using it but my urge incontinence hasn't totally gone away. A few years ago and after a lifetime of UTIs I was told to double-void urinate which has been life-changing especially as I'd developed an allergy to trimethoprim.
That's helped the urge incontinence a bit but the physio told me it's important to not ignore my bladder (which I had been doing). Now I go for a pee when I know I've been drinking yet haven't had that full bladder signal. Ask your physio about bladder training.
"Latchkey" urge incontinence was a big one for me (that was either getting to the front door or if I'm at home actually seeing the toilet). I don't go out very often but when I do I now try to use the toilet before I leave so I'm not desperate when I get home. That's helped loads as I hate using pads.
You asked one PP about pants. I use the incredibly lightweight microfibre no VPL high legs from M&S (pack of 5 for £12). I've used cotton for decades as they're supposed to be breathable and the better choice but the microfibres ones are better IMO. They dry quickly (on the line and on me if I'm sweaty), are incredibly comfortable and pads still stick if you need to use them. They come in different styles and are true to size but I sized up when I ordered last (as they were out of my normal size) and found them even more comfortable.
Back to powder. I find Femfresh quite hard to find sometimes so started using Johnson's baby as it's now cornstarch. It's a softer, lighter, less gritty powder that's quite nice to use - and much cheaper and easier to find. Vagisil is very similar but so overpriced it's a joke.
Talking of Femfresh, their Active shower gel is lovely. I'm NOT active but still use it. I do feel fresher for longer after using this or the Superdrug knockoff. They have to be the "Active" versions, though. The ingredients are different to the others.
Do you use wipes when you're out? They're handy but the winner for me is Nilaqua anti-bacterial rinse-free wash. They used this on dementia patients on the EMI ward I worked in so I know it's skin-safe. This stuff is great if you feel you need to freshen up or have had a small accident as it eradicates/prevents odour. I usually buy the larger bottle then decant to a small foam pump bottle.
Lastly, can you get a referral either from your GP or physio to get your veins sorted? My BIL had treatment on the NHS just before Covid for his as it was "mildly aggravating" him enough that he was bothered to visit the GP. It annoys the hell out of me that a man gets bumped to the top of the list for symptoms that are nowhere near as bad as yours sound.
He had this procedure: https://www.uhs.nhs.uk/Media/UHS-website-2019/Patientinformation/Scansandx-rays/Pelvic-vein-embolisation-3610-PIL.pdf