Husband going away

[Anonymous20003000]

Okay i want to start by saying we have been married 15 years and have 2 kids. We both work full time. Mu husband is a hard worker and provides and we also go on holidays etc.
I will admit i share everything with my husband however he is the opposite he naturally doesnt really talk about his feelings.

anyway i had our son 2 years ago and we were both over joyed however because i went on maternity leave my husband had more time to go and see his friends meaning he wasnt restricted with my work schedule. This then increased to two three times a week of eating out with them. They were all in a group chat etc phone calls often and msgs etc. anyway at one point they all realised it was a bit much and they should all focus on their families. So this reduced to meeting once a week. Anyway one evening my husband said he and his friends were going to go europe for 3/4 days in half term. I assumed he was joking or they were just planning and i laughed and said er ok but yeah u do that u wont have a hone to come to jokingly as im left with 2 kids over half term. However i secretly planned a getaway for us . Anyway the next day i just mention oh yeh are u guys messaging? Trip discussion? He goes oh yeh were booked for morroco for 7 days and ive paid for the hotel and flights. I said what?!!? You didnt think to mention that to me?! I then asked did his friends do the same thing he said well one hasnt told his wife yet and might just tell her day before.

im actually very upset i wouldnt physically stop him going but surely i deserved to be told something like this?? What do you all think?

Or then i think let him come back and see if he does change and he does improve….he literally poured his heart out yesterday and said he wont expect anything from me and that he will put in effort. I just think about the night il miss him im missing him now! Maybe this will toughen me up i dont know , im just jealous he gets the sun sea and sand with his friends

@Anonymous20003000 Get a divorce. This not talking to him, especially when it will mean he can't see or talk to his kids is emotionally abusive and manipulative. If it was a man doing that to a woman, everyone would be telling her to leave him.

Use your few days where he is not around to contact a solicitor and make plans to leave him. Your mental health is not in a good place and he is going to make it worse because you resent him now.

He has been an absolute shit husband over these friends and this holiday. He's not been perfect up until booking the holiday at all. You've complained about his immature friends multiple times and the time/effort he puts into time with them. While he has now buggered off on holiday with him instead of spending time with his children.

@Anonymous20003000 can I gently suggest you unarchive your dh?

I get the run up to this hols was shit to say the least, but your 1yo was in A&E yesterday evening. You’re saying he has always been a great dad. If I was at his place, I’d want to know how my 1 yo is doing. And I’d expect an answer tbh.

He so obviously has been such a totally selfish shit husband for the past two years.
Out and about 2-3 nights a week and leaving you to do it all with your children.

It is absolutely unfathomably that you would try and describe him as perfect up to the holiday.

Lying to yourself on such a massive scale cannot be good for your mental health.

He is not a good husband and he has behaved so badly towards you and your children.

Help yourself by being honest with yourself.
Mute him on your phone.
Do not collect him.
Take time and space to focus on you.
Get counselling so that you have someone in your corner to listen to you.

Your emotions are a mess because you are trying to surpress your fury at him.

You surpressed it for two years, hardly surprising it has become unhealthy.
Acknowledge it or you won't be able to manage it.

his flight was delayed by 2 hours and he messaged look after the kids love u so much will miss u so much and the days will pass quick.
and im like youre telling me to look after the kids?! You’re going to miss me?! When you did this all yourself but then he messages me a screenshot somehow before taking off he received an email saying their hotel reservation has been cancelled …. KARMA i think the transfer from the airport to the hotel was cancelled as well……
they did this in such a rush i 100% believe it wont be the fun experience they wanted! Also i went upstairs he forgot to pack the only swimming trunks he was going to take he even bought them last week 😂

I'm sorry OP but this behaviour now is disproportionate. Either you've agreed for him to go or you haven't. Cutting him off from speaking to his kids, refusing to say goodbye and hiding his messages is beyond childish and toxic.

And I do think he's been shit and needs to be more considerate but that doesn't mean he can never go anywhere or do anything ever again. You both deserve a life outside of your immediate family. If you can't accept that then I don't hold much hope.

This is all so unhealthy, I do think it's time for you to split.

It all sounds so immature and over dramatic. This is not good for the kids to see.

I hope your baby is better.

Agree, let him enjoy his break now. It all sounds very unhealthy.

I agree its not healthy, weve never argued in front of the kids. I have planned what to do over the next few days to keep us busy. I hope i will be calmer and more at peace as my husband has apologised and we agreed with terms moving forward. Him coming back is a restart BUT its up to me to mind this anger and frustration and mayb this time apart could be a blessing. Ive arranged some meet ups with friends, going to bake with my son and go to the park this week and treat him to dessert! I also have a sofa delivery this week ( had no sofas for 8 weeks) as we renovated the room.

i think because what he did was getting worse with his phone going off or him checking things for the trip triggered me. I think him physically away now itl give us time to process and get rid of all the frustration.

You're coming across as rather childish now to be honest. Use the time when the kids are in bed to really think about what you want in this marriage. Start thinking about a weekend away with friends but don't be an arse like him and book it without discussing it with him. Take the high road.

I know i am which worries me! But i really do hope these few days will be productive. No I wouldn't do that even with evenings out i tell him a week in advance.

I actually feel really sick to my
stomach . Booking.com messed up their booking and my husband called me well he called my brother first blaming me for doing something.
i had a sick child all evening and my other one is getting unwell now. He thinks i went in to his emails somehow and deleted confirmations or something.
ive told him now its make or break. I literally just went on twitter and can see people fuming about booking.com issues but he is saying i went in to his emails and deleted things. Im not petty or a child. He has a few days to think things through and i will do the same. We will see how we feel friday on whether this is how we want to live or spare each other the hurt and look at alternatives…

So they're sleeping on the beach then? Oh noes.

Theyv rebooked again which is such a waste of money i cant believe this! But its worse he is blaming me??? Im like i didnt do anything now hes like oku have 4 days relax spend with kids im not fussed about the money

Surely he has proof of payment?

Frankly this is now getting ridiculous.

Booking.com cancelled the confirmations and he is blaming me saying his original emails were in his inbox and ive deleted them!!!?!

If he booked through booking.com he should have a record of it in his account, he doesn't need emails.

If he really thinks you would randomly delete his emails to be spiteful then your marriage is in more trouble than just this.

From your last couple posts I can understand why he might think so.

This is sounding very far fetched now. No one goes on holiday with multiple people outside their household without double checking all their booking information first and making sure everyone has it. Not even people with money to burn like @Anonymous20003000 seems to have.

ETA Why wouldn't they have also had insurance on their booking? It's not like it was an overnight booking locally.

This all sounds so ridiculous now, if they booked it then it would be on his account, if they took money it would be on bank statement and TBH its likely for a group holiday you would screenshot and send on to others.

From the last couple of posts I can understand why he might accuse you of that as you seem so happy about it, honestly he should have discussed with you but you seem over the top about him going so would you actually have been OK even if he had checked properly first, I think this is just convenient that he did it this way as you genuinely have a reason to be pissed off about it.

Do you mean they cancelled the booking in advance, emailed him and then he thinks you have deleted the emails saying its cancelled? If he thinks that then you have serious marriage problems, for me I wouldn't be fixing this, it sounds extremely toxic and more so with each post!

I would be even more furious

He is not getting it

Perhaps he should get the app on his phone then no meddling wifeys can sabotage him, what an idiot

OP, I just wanted to weigh in on my own similar experience with ex-DH (yup..).

He went out multiple times during the week when I was pregnant and when DD was a newborn. I had total trust in him but it hurt and we argued a lot. I threatened to leave multiple times, he said he would improve, then didn't. I was basically alone through my entire pregnancy.

Turns out he was out clubbing, visiting sex workers and catching all manner of STDs which I thankfully didn't catch myself because our marriage was in such dire straits we didn't touch each other.

From what you've said on this thread, it sounds seriously far fetched to me. How do you know what he's up to? For the record, my ex would text and update me all the time, he was also out with mutual friends but then when it came to it those mutual friends admitted he disappeared for most of the time and stayed out after they went home.

I agree with the other posters that he is living like a single man. And what do single men do? Sorry, I don't want to be doom and gloom but I was in denial for so long and ultimately wish I had listened to my intuition.

I use booking.com all the time, every booking and cancellation is on the app recorded.

This all sounds very strange.
OP, please try not to upset yourself.
He will sort it out.
It isn't your problem to sort.
Focus on yourself and your children and ring family for support.
This is 100% his mess.
Not yours.
I'm so sorry that it is so hard.