WWYD - Ex writing emails signing off jointly...WITHOUT ASKING!

[CFStrikesAgain]

Acrimonious divorce - ex complaining he's not getting school emails.

First asked me to forward any emails that might interest him. Nope.

Secondly asked DC to do it for him. Again, Nope.

Thirdly, wrote to the school asking for remedy and signed it from BOTH OF US!

I only learned of this when the school wrote to me using my email, addressing us jointly, using first names, ie, Dear John and Jane, your email and phone is correct and please check your junk folder, etc.

WWYD?

I can't have my ex writing to the school on my behalf! God knows what he wrote in the email, using my good name!

AIBU for this mattering to me or do all exes do this?

Personally, I think you are being ridiculous.

If he's the child's father, he has as much right to school correspondence as you.

He proposed 2 options both of while you declined.

He shouldn't have used your name but I can see why he did.

Why aren't you letting him have access to school letters and things he will need to know?

Why can you not forward relevant emails to your ex? If school will only allow one email contact per child, it's either got to be your email address or your ex's.

Presumably he just needs to give them his email address and ask everything to be sent to him as well as you?

Why not set up a joint email just for this eg "[email protected]" and use that for all school correspondence? That way you both know what's going on without you being under any responsibility for forward things on.

Very petty, if he has parental rights.

No, the school email every individual parent. He used to get emails like everyone else.

I am not his Secretary and he only wanted me to forward emails of interest to him. I have enough of a job to keep track on everything myself, without the added nonsense of having to email him every time when he can simply sort it out with school himself like everyone else does.

School are very happy to email every parent, just to reiterate. All he has to do he say, his school, this is John, I'm no longer getting emails so please sort this for me.

No need to involve his ex!

Would it really have been hard for you to just forward emails to him?

Well, you reply to the school that your ex does not speak for you and to treat any correspondence that is not from your email as not from you. Copy your ex in if you want him to know you know.
The fact that the school sent the reply to your email when the "joint" letter didn't come from there, suggests they know exactly what he's up to and this is their way of alerting you.

I don't know why so many posters are missing the point. Of course he can't be signing your name to emails you didn't approve.

So you ring the school and tell them they need to send info to him as well or you forward emails on.

It annoyed the fuck out of me that I had to do the latter, but the school only allowed one contact address and it wasn’t worth the hassle of having him moaning that he hadn’t been told about something.

Yea, it was a very abusive relationship that I need to be as NC as I can with.

Perhaps it sounds like what he is doing is perfectly normal.

Unless you have holidays and xmas with your ex then I think surely it's reasonable to lead separate lives where I don't need to email him constantly? Yesterday I received 3 school emails. I don't want to be emailing him all the time when he can easily sort it directly.

Or he could just ask the school to sort it. Not the OP's problem.

I honestly don’t think you need to worry about him damaging your “good name”. I appreciate that, in the middle of an acrimonious divorce, every minor incident is going to be magnified, but what is it you think he’s sending to the school that would cause reputational damage?

Thank you for understanding. I did wonder if it might be their way of alerting me as they received all police reports etc

OK, is he not getting school emails because he’s not set up on their system to get them? In which case, now presumably he is? (Reasonable)

Or was he always set up to get them but just couldn’t be bothered to read them, and wanted you/child to filter the info for him? (Unreasonable)

This is the kind of stuff (regarding the kids) that you do need to have a useful open dialogue about so just politely ask him not to sign your name on his emails - if indeed he did. He may have just written on his own behalf and they’re addressing you both because that’s school policy.

Thank you for saying something that makes me feel less of a monster!

You don't know he did that. You assume based on the school emailing you both. They might have made a mistake or it might be policy or who knows? I think it's unreasonable you won't forward emails on but if you want to stick to your guns he's found the right solution.

We pop a note on the child’s registration (electronic so visible whenever you look him/her up/do the register) to say parents must be contacted separately. Just do that so school is aware.

They've never emailed me and addressed to both of us like that. They were asking me to also check my junk mail but I always get the emails.

Of your 2 options, I feel it's the 2nd as he used to get emails all the time and hated it.

He wanted the kids and I to filter only the ones he might like and not all of them.

I don't want to give him headspace when the school offer it to both parents in divorce situations

Because he can get access himself by sending one email the fact that he wanted the OP to do it then signed it jointly speaks volumes as to why they are divorcing

@DoYouReally the third and right option is to email the school and ask himself not include her and she certainly isn’t being ridiculous to be upset by this

Thank you for this. It was such a controlling relationship, sometimes I fear his control and a not sure if that is what's still going on.

Why does anyone think it's the OPs responsibility to do anything for an exH ? If he wants school information he can ask the school himself. He's an adult, he has parental responsibility.

And of course he shouldn't be using the OPs name in correspondence.

@CFStrikesAgain no it isn’t normal and I suspect the school are well aware which is why they have sent the email

please ignore those who are trying to say it is - this is just another form of control from him