WWYD - Ex writing emails signing off jointly...WITHOUT ASKING!

[CFStrikesAgain]

Acrimonious divorce - ex complaining he's not getting school emails.

First asked me to forward any emails that might interest him. Nope.

Secondly asked DC to do it for him. Again, Nope.

Thirdly, wrote to the school asking for remedy and signed it from BOTH OF US!

I only learned of this when the school wrote to me using my email, addressing us jointly, using first names, ie, Dear John and Jane, your email and phone is correct and please check your junk folder, etc.

WWYD?

I can't have my ex writing to the school on my behalf! God knows what he wrote in the email, using my good name!

AIBU for this mattering to me or do all exes do this?

Yea, he says it suddenly stopped working and I tried to help him remedy this WITHOUT ME, but his response was to ask the kids and then write to the school using my name.

I hate to think!

I think it’s massively inappropriate for a man who’s clearly been controlling judging by the OPs posts to continue to try and control her from afar by telling her to forward emails to him. And I’m amazed at the number of people on here that thinks it’s even remotely ok!
OP, ignore those stupid comments - I’d feel exactly as you in the same situation. Fortunately my ex wasn’t such a knob that he couldn’t manage to contact school himself to arrange proper communication for 14 years of our DDs education.

Thank you. I do feel
Desperately wrong sometimes!

FFS she's NOT his secretary. How hard is it for him to get the school to.include him on the email list?

School admin is notoriously haphazard. My husband had to ask multiple times to get communication from SD's school. Her Mum wouldn't forward anything either and he ended up missing out on stuff.

I am
Not sure what some posts have been deleted so I don't know how I can reply, but I do wonder @collegeK whether your own experience taints your view of mine. I’ve been obstructed him, that would be an awful thing to do. But I also don't want to be his Secretary like we used to be when married. We've been apart for years (thankfully) and the emails came through fine. All of a sudden he says they don't and wants
Me to now sent the important ones only, but I’ve told him he can more easily sort it with schoo to get emails back on track, and he's written to school using my name which caused school to email me and try to troubleshoot my email (mine still works fine!)

That’s not the problem with SDs mum though, that’s the school causing problems.

100% agree with this. I'm late to the thread, have only read the first few responses and am amazed so many people are telling the OP she should be prepared to take on this responsibility.

@Rhaidimiddim

This is what k also thought - I'd seen a couple of other parents find they aren't getting email and they only had to contact school to get it sorted same day. I helpfully told him this but he still used my name in his email!

Really, I'm thankful those of you who came to say the opposite gave your thoughts or I'd have felt so defeated!

Sometimes I don't know how to hold boundaries and don't want to hold unreasonable ones

I think it's awful that he has done this. I would contact the school and ask for emails NOT to be addressed jointly to you and are sent separately.

He's entitled to ask the school to send him emails and texts regarding your child or school events but it is really out of order for him to make out that any messages from him are also from you.

He sounds like a difficult man. I can understand not wanting to forward multiple emails/texts a day. It's not your issue to solve and the school should have hopefully sorted it out now. I'm just saying there are so many battles with co-parenting that sometimes it's easier to just make a few allowances. I only get maybe 2 emails a week max from my daughter's school so it really would be nbd for me to forward them.

Has he done this before?

i’m not sticking up for him

but if all has been ticking along ok with him receiving emails for last few years and suddenly this… it just sounds like he really wanted to get back on the email list asap

The wife work vibe is STRONG on this thread and @CFStrikesAgain isn’t even his wife anymore!

you are not being unreasonable and, presuming there’s no drip feed where he has no eyes to read emails a) this is not your responsibility b) he’s being hugely cheeky to send joint emails. Personally I’d email the school clarifying the request did not come from you and you’re not sure why he included your name on his email…

She's not his PA. He should contact the school and set it up himself.

HE has a problem with school email. It is HIS responsibilty to sort it, not yours. You have your boundary in exactly the right place.

In addition, he should NOT have used your name on his email. He should have CC'd you. I'd let the school know that you do not ever send joint emails with him, and that he was dishonest in this instance.

Fat finger edits

I get it OP, my ex tried the same. It's not your responsibility to organise him/fwd him emails and he certainly shouldn't be signing your name on emails.

That said, we did have the issue that our primary school was unable to add a second email address, common issue with school software. as I understand it.

I wasn't going to be his PA and forward everything on, I said I'd do all the admin and he could check the school website if he wanted updates on things. But I'd end up doing things like booking parents eve etc. or getting school play tickets where they only allowed 2 per family.

Fortunately senior school are able to have us both on record, but he still expected me to get (and pay for ) tickets, was mighty surprised when I just..... didn't!

School should have both your emails on record and all emails should then be sent to both of you. He can choose to disregard what he’s not interested in, but he doesn’t get to ask you to prescreen them and forward them. You can also arrange that they have to obtain permissions for trips etc from both of you - individually so that one of you cannot circumnavigate the other.

All schools routinely cc both parents where there are separated parents. It shouldn’t be a big deal for either of you.

Why should she? She's not his PA.

he has been on the list for the last few years but a problem has arisen in the last week

i think

To be fair, you wouldn't know this as I didn't give this information at the start (wasn't relevant to the OP), but he's already tried to block a school trip DS desperately wanted to attend and so I am mightily glad they don't require 2 signatures or I'd spend my whole life begging him to sign, and DS missing out.

But emails... I was always glad he got his own and tried to help him get that back on track.