WWYD - Ex writing emails signing off jointly...WITHOUT ASKING!

[CFStrikesAgain]

Acrimonious divorce - ex complaining he's not getting school emails.

First asked me to forward any emails that might interest him. Nope.

Secondly asked DC to do it for him. Again, Nope.

Thirdly, wrote to the school asking for remedy and signed it from BOTH OF US!

I only learned of this when the school wrote to me using my email, addressing us jointly, using first names, ie, Dear John and Jane, your email and phone is correct and please check your junk folder, etc.

WWYD?

I can't have my ex writing to the school on my behalf! God knows what he wrote in the email, using my good name!

AIBU for this mattering to me or do all exes do this?

I am with you on this one OP, and sorry for the school being caught up in this. A bit like the teacher and the unreasonable requests some mentioned about two parent evening consultations.

so what was he asking the school to remedy? you saw the email?

Yes it would be. An abusive and controlling relationship. He's literally trying to continue to do that. They are divorced. OP is not his sodding secretary and her wife work days are over. Why can't he set up his own correspondence with the school? Why is it her responsibility?

how much did he see the children?

There’s no proof that he actually signed your name though is there, so I would be careful of accusing him/the school.

I would reply back and say that there must be a bit of confusion, as you are getting the emails fine and so perhaps it is your ex DH who is having issues but as you’re separated you wouldn’t know.

Basically make the school aware that you did not sign/jointly email anything.

They’ll keep a note of this and should know for next time.

Make sure the reply is sent to him too.

You should absolutely not pass anything of interest on to him!!

If he’s interested then he can check the emails like you do!
If he’s not getting them then he can contact the school.

And yet you say the marriage wasn't a success?

He sounds like a total arsehole. I reckon whoever at school sent that email to both of you has got his measure too. Neither of you are his PA, but I guess you are both women and that's the same thing in his eyes.

did you actually see the email where he signs off from you both

or is it that the school emailing you both and addressing email to you both?

Then he needs to contact the school and ask them to sort, not OP.

He did as far as i can tell

Now you’ve added more context, then he’s even more unreasonable. A five minute phone call to the school would have fixed it straight away.
can you have a word with the office manager or head? I’m sure they are no stranger to difficult men.

@ThePinkBiscuit eventually, before that he tried to instruct OP as his personal secretary.

You are being just a tiny bit spiky about this, but I completely understand why. I was the same after my son’s dad and I broke up.

just email the school, explain that you and ex are divorcing so that while you’re glad he’s finally got round to sorting out the school emails, for them to please not address you collectively, or to assume your agreement or support of anything he’s sent as you don’t have direct contact and he had no business signing anything with your name

I don't agree that OP has been spiky. It's depressing that so many women don't see what's wrong with a controlling ex demanding she filters his mail for him and when that doesn't work contacts the school as if from the both of them.
Nothing stopped him from contacting the school in the first place. Except for his determination to keep OP and the children running round doing his admin for him.

This

I wouldn't forward stuff to my ex either. As I said in an earlier email to another poster, we aren't their PAs. Your DH could keep on at the school to add him to the mailing list if he's that bothered.

Please ignore posts like that from DoYouReally and pinkyredrose amplifying it. It's worth reiterating over and over that the OP is not responsible for ex and his ability to communicate with the school. She's not his partner nor his PA, the reason they are divorced was because he was controlling and this is part of that. Expecting her to jump to his demands.

The only reason I know he did this time is because school emailed me to respond, using dear John and Jane, giving me the answers to a problem. I don't have!

Did you see his email that he signed off as you both?
or have you assumed he did on basis of school emailing you both?

I can’t believe how much of a hard time you are getting from some people. Of course you shouldn’t be forwarding emails onto him when schools have a legal duty to contact both parents. And it is clear from your OP that the school are aware of this duty and are happy to email you both. Plus I imagine if you start forwarding emails onto him then accidentally miss one he’ll make a big fuss.

My ex H had a very similar attitude to yours l. Despite the divorce he still asssumed that I’d carry on acting as his PA. He completely seemed to miss the point that one of the reasons for divorcing his was that I was fed up of carrying 99.9% of the load.

I would reply to the school email, thanking them for including you in the reply, but to confirm that you were unaware of the initial email sent by manbaby DCs dad, that you are still receiving emails as normal and that you are therefore you are happy if they communicate with him directly on this matter.

All the more reason to apprise the school of the situ, so that he doesn't at some future date send a John-and-Jane email (un) subscribing DC to something in both your names, without your consent.

If he has been receiving the emails perfectly well for 3 years and then suddenly he isn't, coupled with the fact he is a controlling abusive man, makes me wonder if he is lying about it all and he is actually still receiving them but wants to exert a new control over you. It's just a new game to him.

But it's not your problem to fix. It is between him and the school. But I would clarify with the school that you are not together and that anything from you will only be from that one email, and absolutely nothing will be a joint email. Do not cc him in as he will continue to cc you in everything to wind you up.

It doesn’t look like the OP has actually seen any email signed off from her and her ex

The OP appears to have assumed he signed off from them both because the school addressed their email to both of them