WWYD - Ex writing emails signing off jointly...WITHOUT ASKING!

[CFStrikesAgain]

Acrimonious divorce - ex complaining he's not getting school emails.

First asked me to forward any emails that might interest him. Nope.

Secondly asked DC to do it for him. Again, Nope.

Thirdly, wrote to the school asking for remedy and signed it from BOTH OF US!

I only learned of this when the school wrote to me using my email, addressing us jointly, using first names, ie, Dear John and Jane, your email and phone is correct and please check your junk folder, etc.

WWYD?

I can't have my ex writing to the school on my behalf! God knows what he wrote in the email, using my good name!

AIBU for this mattering to me or do all exes do this?

Is this the first time he’s done this op?

I can understand it's different if your school only emails one parent but this one has emailed both parents for 3 years now!

how often does he see the children? how old are they?

i suppose this is my point

it’s all been fine for 3 years

surely all he’s trying to do is remedy an error whereby he’s been taken off the list a week ago for whatever reason?

Signed an email in my name?

I have no idea. The only reason I know he did this time is because school emailed me to respond, using dear John and Jane, giving me the answers to a problem. I don't have!

Sorry realise now that that was an error - I think permission for trips/vaccinations given by main custodial or nominated parent, isn’t it, unless a court ordered custody agreement requires both parents to agree? In shared custody, if one parent is blocking, you might need to go back to court to have a judge agree/decide who should have priority over school related decisions? At least, I think that’s what a friend of mine had to do.

Am really sorry he’s being a difficult arse. :(

This I think many of us exes can sympathise with men who treat us as an unpaid PA- mine tried for 5 years. He got exactly the same emails yet couldn’t do sports day as I had t reminded him etc - back to the us and copy him in - use words like ‘to avoid misinformation and to clarify I will send my own emails from my own email address. I would not want someone to be fraudulently representing my views and purporting to be me - when they are not - so in the interests of charity ….’ Copy him in

@ThePinkBiscuit
"i suppose this is my point
*
it’s all been fine for 3 years

surely all he’s trying to do is remedy an error whereby he’s been taken off the list a week ago for whatever reason?*"

He wanted the remedy to be children selecting emails that would suit him and me the same, separately,

When I gave him the remedy (contact school, they'll sort it for you) he wrote an email using MY name.

Stunned anyone thinks the op should do this for him. What’s wrong with people. He’s a grown ass man, he can go to thr school and sort it himself without involving her. Having a penis doesn’t mean he needs to be served.

and what was he asking the school to do?

so for 3 years all fine and then suddenly he says can you start sorting through them for me?

Wow wtf, how anyone thinks you should filter and forward emails on to a grown adult is beyond me.

That’s totally missing the point would you like your name out to an email you hadn’t seen from a person you don’t like?

it’s just so odd that all fine for 3 years
then suddenly he’s off the list
and rather than just ask to get back on it, he asks you, his children and then the school to send him… relevant ones?

Yes, she's not his secretary, he can give the school his email address and look after himself.

I get it too OP. My abusive ex thought I was his secretary too. Let school know about the abuse, that he doesn't have your permission to sign your name and then ignore him as much as you can. He's just trying to extend his control over you. Well done on getting out

I would hazard a guess he didn't ask school to filter them - that would have been a special for the ex and kids

I would assume it is up to him to figure it out with the school without his ex wife 🤦‍♀️

Yes I think I'll have to let them know we don't ever send joint emails

Can't believe the first people to post. He is perfectly capable of emailing the school to ensure he is on the circulation list and reading emails himself. I have no idea why he would email in your name as well. As if you want to spend time forwarding things to him and of course what that means is that if he misses something- it will be your fault. Ignore the people calling you petty. Anyone who has been in a relationship with a man like this knows exactly what he is up to.

It's not up to me, I don't have that power. He had emails for years and now suddenly doesn't, but nothing has changed. Same child - Same school. Even if I didn't have that power I wouldn't abuse it.

Yes, that's what I reminded him as a remedy

I totally agree with you OP. My ex tried this in court, that I was to send him emails and keep him informed of school activities and reports etc. The magistrate said "you've got access to the school website, it's up to you to organise correspondence". I'm not his bloody PA. Be a parent and do it yourself. It's not difficult. So many want all the rights and none of the responsibilities.

My solicitor said have as little as possible to do with him for your own safety

Yeah, I feel like I'm his unpaid worker and have to give him mindspace. I counted 20 school communications in October already. I don't need that. It's also very unnecessary as school offer to email both parents

I like your magistrate very much!