Getting married in a church as a non-Christian

[Sapnah]

I am British-Indian, fiancé is Welsh and English. We plan to get married next year or early 2026

My side of the family are culturally Hindu but not practicing. I think the last time my brother stepped inside a temple was 5 or so years ago. It’s been a year for me but only due to attending a friend’s wedding. It may sound weird but my family lead a very a areligious lifestyle. We might put candles out for Diwali but we’ve even stopped doing fireworks because of pets.

Fiance on the other hand is very religious and goes to church every Sunday without fail. He is really insisting on a church wedding as it matters to him. We will be doing a blessing at the Hindu temple the day before the main wedding day.

I’m fine with the plans as I don’t care. Don’t really believe in God and neither do my siblings. I was chatting to my SIL (half Indian but more religious than me) and she said “come on, you have to admit it [having a church wedding] is a bit odd. You’re an Indian girl”. My sister piped in as I asked her for back up and she basically agreed but said “you do you”. This was said with alcohol on a hen do.

It’s just got me thinking. Am I being pushed into something by fiancé as he is SO insistent.

Have you had any experience with similar scenarios? I have a Sikh cousin who married a Christian (Sikhs and Hindus intermarry regularly in the part of India we are from). And this cousin wasn’t allowed a Sikh wedding as it was banned due to a non-Christian performing wedding rites being viewed as ritualistic and empty. She said having a church wedding was not an option either for them as it felt equally fake. They did have a Sikh blessing and a civil ceremony.

Am I the weird one?

Christians in India are not that rare, especially in Kerala I understand.

I'm glad you have stopped having fireworks incidentally.

I don't think that's weird. I went to wedding between a British Catholic and a British Sikh and they had a church wedding. I think they also did have a separate Indian one but only because they guys family were absolutely loaded.
But I'm pretty sure you can book a church for a wedding as long as you're respectful of the traditions of the religion. You don't need to be practicing regularly I don't think. Not both of you anyway!

You're happy with the situation and that's all that matters.

No I don't think it's unusual. I've loads of family members who married their atheist partners in a church. It was obviously important to the practising Christian.

Of these, some became regular attenders. Others never set foot in church again.

How is your partner Welsh and English? That is not a thing in the way that British Indian is.

His dad is Welsh and mum is English. I just added Welsh Df really hates being called just English

There are Indian Christians, so the 'you are an Indian girl' comment is a little odd, unless she just means Hindu.

In my family there was a marriage decade ago, Christian and non-Christian. They had first a civil ceremony (this was a prerequisite at the time and place this was occurring, as religious ceremonies lacked legal power) and then a Catholic wedding. This was construed as only being a sacrament for the Catholic - the non-Christian party was framed as being a 'witness' to the wedding, despite being one of the spouses. They did have to agree to raise any children Catholic (obviously this isn't binding, but might be something you're not willing to do).

I wouldn't feel comfortable with it, but it is a thing that can happen.

I personally think it's wrong to get married in a church if you don't believe in god. Why on earth would you? I wouldn't have shared my opinion however, had you not asked for it...

Sorry it should say non-Sikh where I have typed non Christian in the last paragraph

Getting married in the church may help get your child into a church school later on!

Catholic marriage requires a session with the priest. Very often only one side of the couples at these is actually Catholic.

In the UK is is common for one (or even both for CofE weddings!) not to be Christian.

Hi, my husband is a Hindu and I am a catholic. I go to church regularly but my husband doesn’t go to a temple, though his family do observe the festivals like Diwali etc.
We have been married 25 years. When I realised that our relationship was heading towards marriage, I made it clear that it was important to me and to my family to have a church wedding. My husband was happy with that.
I suggested that my husband might want to have a Hindu wedding so we had a Hindu ceremony the next day.
if you are both happy with the situation, I don’t think there is a problem. I didn’t feel weird saying Hindu prayers I really didn’t understand and my husband was comfortable in the church.
It sounds like it is important to your partner.

As long as you are happy with your wedding that’s all that matters.
I assume the church vicar is happy to marry you both? Then it’s ok.
Have a great day.

Thanks.

Df is CoE. We have found a church who have agreed to marry us. The vicar is lovely. And incidentally knows a lot about Hinduism as he spent his childhood out in India

Eh? Of course it can be.

You usually have to meet the vicar a few times for guidance re marriage etc and to chat about background / values if you are not a regular church goer. I guess that could help you to decide if it's a problem. Usually they want people to be regular attendees or have a background in the faith in some way, that's the point of a Christian church wedding so check out with your fiancée and the vicar/ Priest and take it from there.

I personally disagree with non Christians getting married in Christian churches but you do you who cares what anyone else thinks.

Oh fine apologies didn't read the rest :)

Even if they are marrying Christians?
So you think if a Christian wants to marry, say, an atheist, they should be banned from holding the celebration in their own church and faith?

The person in your relationship is a practising Christian, and it is important to him that his marriage takes place in a Christian Church. Presumably you are happy with his religious practice or you wouldn't be marrying him.

He doesn't have a problem with a blessing in the temple. Do your sisters think that is a 'bit odd'?

So what on earth is the problem? I don't see where national or racial background comes into it.

I’m in church leadership.
I’m not keen on church weddings when neither partner is Christian, but of course it’s ok if he is and you aren’t.

As long as you are comfortable with the vicar, and if she’s as nice as you say I’m sure she’ll talk through the elements of the service as she goes so guests know what’s going on, if they’re unfamiliar with it.

Well for committed Christians they marry other Christians and agree to bring children up as Christians

A Church is a house of God, being the Christian God so that's who you are doing your vows in front of and who your vows are referring to...the vicar will expect to do the marriage service in a Church using the Christian marriage ceremony. I suppose there's no point making those particular vows if you don't believe in that part of the content? Although presumably your husband will so that's one of you!

This is entirely a matter for you and your fiancé.

That said (and speaking as an atheist myself), how devout can he be if he is happy marrying an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14 says don't), and happy having you make your marriage vows "according to God’s holy law" that he knows you don't believe in.

I see nothing much wrong with it, but it's weird to me that he also doesn't.

If you live in the parish of the Anglican church you want to marry in, yes, you can get married there. It's a legal right as Anglican clergy also serve as registrars.

The bible says a lot of things though doesn't it? Many Christians ignore parts of the bible which seem outdated (e.g. stoning). Df just tries to live a Christian lifestyle and ignores the bits that don’t apply to him. Not perfect but hey ho.

It’s absolutely fine to have whatever you are both happy with, regardless of what other people think, especially if you haven’t asked for their opinion! Your fiancé wants an CoE service because of his beliefs and you can have whatever suits your beliefs/or no belief.
He is making his vows to you before God and the congregation and you are saying yours to him in front of the congregation. That’s fine. As long as you are both happy and so is/are the respective celebrant /s, then there’s no problem.
Congratulations to you both and I hope you have a long and happy life together.