Getting married in a church as a non-Christian

[Sapnah]

I am British-Indian, fiancé is Welsh and English. We plan to get married next year or early 2026

My side of the family are culturally Hindu but not practicing. I think the last time my brother stepped inside a temple was 5 or so years ago. It’s been a year for me but only due to attending a friend’s wedding. It may sound weird but my family lead a very a areligious lifestyle. We might put candles out for Diwali but we’ve even stopped doing fireworks because of pets.

Fiance on the other hand is very religious and goes to church every Sunday without fail. He is really insisting on a church wedding as it matters to him. We will be doing a blessing at the Hindu temple the day before the main wedding day.

I’m fine with the plans as I don’t care. Don’t really believe in God and neither do my siblings. I was chatting to my SIL (half Indian but more religious than me) and she said “come on, you have to admit it [having a church wedding] is a bit odd. You’re an Indian girl”. My sister piped in as I asked her for back up and she basically agreed but said “you do you”. This was said with alcohol on a hen do.

It’s just got me thinking. Am I being pushed into something by fiancé as he is SO insistent.

Have you had any experience with similar scenarios? I have a Sikh cousin who married a Christian (Sikhs and Hindus intermarry regularly in the part of India we are from). And this cousin wasn’t allowed a Sikh wedding as it was banned due to a non-Christian performing wedding rites being viewed as ritualistic and empty. She said having a church wedding was not an option either for them as it felt equally fake. They did have a Sikh blessing and a civil ceremony.

Am I the weird one?

In a mixed relationship there needs to be compromise and recognition of both cultures. I know plenty of people that have ceremonies to reflect both sides.

The weird one is your SIL and you if you listen to her. I have a friend where they had both a Shahada (sp?) the Islamic ceremony (for her) and a Christian Orthodox ceremony (for him), I have seen Christian and Hindu ceremonies and also traditional white weddings plus a separate Igbo and one and similar for other African cultures. If you cannot acknowledge both cultures now it won’t last.

If you and your fiancé are happy then that is all that matters. No one else is required to have an opinion and if they have one it doesn't matter.

From the Church's point of view, providing marriage ceremonies as a ministry to anyone who lives in the parish is a key part of their mission and even if neither of the couple are Christians they are still welcome (it's different if you want to choose a church where neither of you live). As your fiancé is a committed Christian of course it's important to him to celebrate the marriage in church, and as you don't mind either way then this is the right thing to do - of course it would be different if you were unhappy with it.

This relative of yours just needs to wind her neck in. You are fine.

I presume he has a Welsh and an English parent. That would make him “Welsh and English”.

If neither couple are Christian it would be fairly meaningless to have a marriage ceremony in a Church unless it's just because it's a pretty venue. I thought the marriage vows were a bit more meaningful than that. I got married a while ago now. Maybe things have changed.

There are Indian Christians, so the 'you are an Indian girl' comment is a little odd, unless she just means Hindu.
I'm an Indian Christian. I married an Englsh atheist in a church. DH just said as the religious bit didn't mean anything to him it didn't matter. Our actual wedding was a civil ceremony though and the church was a blessing without the need for the legalities.

Did the same.
Married in church because that was really important to dh. Couldn’t care less about it (if anything im closer to Buddhism that any other religion)

I concentrated on the meaning of the ceremony.
And it helped that the reverent wasn’t very ‘churchy’ either.

I think one big difference though is that dh is Church of England. And my family background is Catholic so churches were seen ok by everyone.
Whereas for you, they look much further away from your cultural background. I’m wondering if this isn’t the reason why some people find it ‘weird’.

As an aside, you might to have a chat with your partner about children, baptism and whether they will be raised religiously or not.

And that's why no one's opinion other than the couple getting married is important.

I do find it weird when non Christians want to marry in a church but as one of the couple, in your case, is a committed Christian, marrying in Church makes sense.

It's absolutely fine. Your partner is Christian, the vicar is fine with it, you're fine with it. It is no weirder than your plan to have a blessing at the Hindu temple, and I assume no one sees an issue with that!

If your fiancé is a practising christian then it is obviously important for him to be married in a church. You obviously aren't bothered one way or another so it doesn't seem like there is any forcing being done.

Regarding all the talk about ‘it’s weird if you’re not <insert church>’, the one who married me and dh didn’t seem to have any issue about me clearly not caring.

I’m baptised Catholic but he never asked.
I dint believe in God and he never asked either 😁😁

As a Christian and church goer I think its fine. Unlike a baptism where Godparents make vows concerning faith, with a marriage the vows are to each other, you need to look at those vows and as long as you are happy with the richer/poorer, better or worse etc then I think its fine for you to marry in church. There will be parts where God's blessing on the marriage is mentioned, this bit may be more important to your fiancé but I see no reason why it should stop you marrying in church. I think the God I believe in is there for everyone, believers and non-believers alike.

But I don't fancy my chances if, in my opinion, I should get married in a mosque. I don't think the imam would go for it if I wasn't a Muslim or didn't believe in Islam.

I think lot's of White British people who aren't religious get married in Churches for lots of reasons and don't give it a second thought. The vicar is happy to marry you and your DP is religious, it makes sense to get married in a Church.

I don't think it's weird for an Indian to get married in church, there are loads of Indian Christians.

I know many people who married in church where it was important to one of the couple but noticed the other. I don't find that weird either.

If NEITHER person is Christian I'd find that weird.

As a Christian I wouldn't have felt comfortable with a Hindu blessing. Are you 100% sure about marrying a committed Christian? Have you both discussed other ways it might impact your lives - children? Tithing? Etc?

There is more that unites different faiths than seperates them. Most of the separation is ritual based rather than value based. If you can say the vows of the ceremony with integrity, that's fine. Many people of faith don't get too bogged down in full on literal meanings on every detail.

I've had the pleasure of visiting Christian churches in Kerala. The only weird part was taking shoes off and the stone floor not being icy cold. It otherwise felt very familiar.

Society needs less pigeon-holing and segregation.

Neither me nor DH are practicing Christians, but we got married in a church. Our reason was that we believe in the ethos of the community that the church is, even if we don't believe in God.

I don't think it's strange. It's a good idea to discuss how you're going to bring up children if you're planning on them though (personal experience!)

You would have to cite the Shahada although I don’t know what Islam has to do with this.

My friend’s husband is Orthodox Christian. She is Muslim. They had both Islamic and Christian ceremonies. Neither of them formally changed faith (although her husband cited the Shahada which means on paper he is Muslim to have the Muslim ceremony. But there was nothing more involved than that.) I am not sure what would be required had he been Muslim and her Christian though.

I don’t think you could marry in a Synagogue either (maybe Reform) but Islam is always the go to.

My understanding is as long as the couple is happy to have a Christian ceremony the church will not object (and at least one is a practicing Christian.)

If neither of you was a Christian, I'd say you shouldn't marry in a church. But it's obviously important to him, and he IS a Christian, so go for it. And ignore your sister/ any other relatives making disparaging prejudiced remarks. They don't have to attend the religious ceremony if they think it's wierd; they could just come along to the reception!

It definitely is a thing.

I was going to ask if this was the Church of England and you have confirmed it is. The CofE has a particular status as the official denomination of England and it's policy (which overreaches the views of any individual vicar or parishioner) is that if one or both members of the couple live in the parish and request to married in the church, and are legally free to marry, the church cannot refuse them. Even if they are not regular attendees or not Christian at all. (There is some discretion regarding divorcees and same sex marriage but that is all. )

So getting married in CofE is in fact procedurally correct and the fact that you are of another religion is irrelevant.

Whether it is ethically correct is a separate issue and this is probably what your friend is getting at. You would have a harder time trying to get married in the Catholic church I presume. The thing about a church wedding ceremony is that you don't just make vows to each other, they are made in the context that the vows are also made to God.

A church wedding is clearly important to your fiance which is a good reason as he is clearly connected both physically and spiritually to the church. The vicar is presumably aware that you are of another religion and that if you are making vows to God it will be in a much broader sense.

When I got married it was very important to me to marry in church. Faith and churchgoing had always been a huge part of my life. My husband was an aetheist and was frank with the minister about that, who appreciated his candour. The minister said that the notion of God can be extremely broad and to some people it just means the power of good within us all, so if was coming to the church to be married with good intentions, then that was good enough! (We are still married after 29 years together.)

I've also been to two different church weddings where either the bride or groom was Hindu and there was also a Hindu celebration as well. Both were absolutely lovely with a real sense of combining two people, two families, two cultures and two sets of traditions.

I hope you have a fantastic day.

Yes.
Personally.

Who are you to define how he identifies?

Or he's from one of the two countries, but lived a long time in the other and feels adopted by it. Loads of people identify like this.