Getting married in a church as a non-Christian

[Sapnah]

I am British-Indian, fiancé is Welsh and English. We plan to get married next year or early 2026

My side of the family are culturally Hindu but not practicing. I think the last time my brother stepped inside a temple was 5 or so years ago. It’s been a year for me but only due to attending a friend’s wedding. It may sound weird but my family lead a very a areligious lifestyle. We might put candles out for Diwali but we’ve even stopped doing fireworks because of pets.

Fiance on the other hand is very religious and goes to church every Sunday without fail. He is really insisting on a church wedding as it matters to him. We will be doing a blessing at the Hindu temple the day before the main wedding day.

I’m fine with the plans as I don’t care. Don’t really believe in God and neither do my siblings. I was chatting to my SIL (half Indian but more religious than me) and she said “come on, you have to admit it [having a church wedding] is a bit odd. You’re an Indian girl”. My sister piped in as I asked her for back up and she basically agreed but said “you do you”. This was said with alcohol on a hen do.

It’s just got me thinking. Am I being pushed into something by fiancé as he is SO insistent.

Have you had any experience with similar scenarios? I have a Sikh cousin who married a Christian (Sikhs and Hindus intermarry regularly in the part of India we are from). And this cousin wasn’t allowed a Sikh wedding as it was banned due to a non-Christian performing wedding rites being viewed as ritualistic and empty. She said having a church wedding was not an option either for them as it felt equally fake. They did have a Sikh blessing and a civil ceremony.

Am I the weird one?

You are having a Hindi blessing and a church wedding, seems perfect to me. Added benefit is that unlike Hindu weddings that still need to go to the registry office or arrange for a registrar at a venue, c if e churches can do the legal marriage.

If you are an atheist, follow a different religion, or if you are not a Christian, then I think it's very wrong and very hypocritical to make vows in a church to a Christian god. I appreciate your finance is a practising Christian, but surely he would find it strange for you to make promises to a god you don't believe in? I thought register offices were there for people who don't have any religious beliefs or couples who have different beliefs.

I'm just interested to know if it's because it's convention or a pretty venue or some latent spirituality.

Probably a bit of each in some cases.

Plenty of people are culturally Christian — probably christened, grew up singing hymns at school, might have gone to church for a harvest festival, a carol or crib service at Christmas, Easter.

I know more than one couple who didn't want a fully secular wedding. They might not attend each week, but they wanted to be able to have a bible reading and sing hymns.

And having been to weddings in churches as you grow up, it's quite natural to think of the church marriage service as the one you'll have.

I'm not sure you know what I think.

I'm not at all affronted that a Church would welcome non believers. I'm just not sure what a non believer would get out of it, that's all. I'm a child of an atheist and raised as a Christian and stopped going to Church as a adult so have always found that contradiction interesting. I would never judge anyone or have a view on anyone else's beliefs; I'm just interested that's all why people do certain things in the name of religion. A humanist perhaps.

My current view is religion is one of the main causes of conflict in the World so am not a practising Christian although raise money for the Church and am told by older people that it could be of great comfort when I'm older and I'm open to that.

I appreciate that religion can be very emotive and so, looking at the tone of your post I apologise if I've upset you so much. Not my intention.

I agree with PP. Whilst there's nothing intrinsically wrong with marrying someone of another (or no) religion a serious discussion needs to be had about the future. Will he expect you to attend church, even 'just' high days and holy days and are you OK with doing that? Will he expect your children to be raised CoE exclusively and attend church with him regularly? Christianity doesn't really 'allow' for children to be raised in two faiths so will you be happy with your 'traditional' religion's teachings and traditions being taught to your children as 'wrong' or 'misguided'?

I ask because my exH was of a different religion than me (in this case I was/am the Christian). I was not allowed to have any religious symbols in the house nor was I allowed to have any of the 'trappings' of Easter or Xmas. If I wore the lovely small gold cross necklace given by my mother he walked around with a face like thunder. He didn't start out that way, but it soon started happening. We had no children, thank God, and there were other issues in the marriage as well. But his religious intolerance was one of the straws being loaded on my camel's back. It wasn't the final one, but it was still part of the load of straws.

If it matters to your fiancé and reflects his beliefs and culture then absolutely you should be very welcome to be married in a church. As long as you get to do something that reflects your culture as well, or you can work that in to the day.

I guess it's true that anyone can go to church, but there are still some expectations for eg CofE is open communion now ( you don't have to be confirmed) but you can only receive communion if you are a regular attender and believer. In cathoilc churches you have to be Catholic or converted to receive. So everyone is welcome but for some services and sacraments you should be a believer. Other churches have regs around weddings such as evangelical allow everyone into church but don't remarry someone who has divorced as a Christian.

Christianity doesn't really 'allow' for children to be raised in two faiths

We have friends raising children in two faiths. One Muslim-Christian couple and one Jewish-Christian couple. In both cases they are doing it very thoughtfully.

It won't just be the wedding, it'll be baptisms, christenings and funerals. You need to make sure you understand how to work together as different religions in big family events. My friend's dad just buried their mum in a Christian ceremony, he is Muslim, he found that really hard when he was grieving. Really worth working out the basics now. The vicar might do a pre marriage guidance course

You seem to be concentrating on the less important detail of the ceremony.

How will you two get on in the challenges of life if your fundamental outlook is so different.
Have you considered how you will feel about every weekend being restricted by your spouse going to church.
What about children. Will they be brought up in the faith.
Will there be nightly prayers at bedtime.
All this and more is usual for practising Christians.
Have you really got enough in common, shared values, to make this work, for the long haul.

Because, in this case, you're marrying someone who does believe, and to whom a church wedding is important.

But your comparison does not to work as a Muslim man can marry a Christian or a Jewish woman.

I also am pretty sure the C of E will marry two full non religious / other religious people. They need to have been baptised or had some religious instruction of have had one of the couple be Christian is my understanding.

Ok.

@FrostFlowers2025 if the couple were interested then I’d happily chat with them and see whether there was a compromise- maybe they were open, but hadn’t prioritised thinking about it.

Many people are actively dismissive and just want the nice building, and expect a service where they call the shots as a customer. That can lead to discomfort- photographers standing on the altar rail to get a good shot, guests who sneer at the ‘staff’ (congregation) who prepare the space etc.

It’s a big ask to facilitate the ceremony of someone who doesn’t believe the words they are saying and doesn’t have any respect for people who do. Obviously if one person is a Christian, the other respects that, hence marrying in church.

We never say no to a baptism, and end up with people there browsing their phone, laughing and talking through the service, rolling their eyes at the songs etc.

There are some really peculiar responses here. My parents were married in a Methodist church nearly 60 years ago, Mum was Methodist, Dad was Hindu. The minister was happy to marry them, and they went on to spend the rest of their lives going to both Hindu and Christian religious events. It didn't seem to bother either of them unduly.

Good luck with your wedding OP, I hope it all goes beautifully.

EDITED- I clearly didn’t read the OP fully.
she did mention fireworks.
im sorry, without that it sounds like some uncomfortable othering .
apologies.

I reread the OP message. She didn’t mention fireworks.
so what is this “you” you are speaking of?
what a shitty comment to make, it didn’t have any relation to her post.

@MumonabikeE5

From the OP:
We might put candles out for Diwali but we’ve even stopped doing fireworks because of pets.

Your devout husband to be wishes to be married in the eyes of his god.
he presumably wants to marry in his church .
its important to him .
and you are ok respecting and facilitating this, so what’s the issue?
someone else has an opinion .
oh wait until you have a kid,
people will have endless opinions on how you raise your child.
but I’d say do now what I’d advise then- you do you.
do what’s right for you as a couple.
and let the opinionated have their opinions, but tell them to leave them at the door.

Don't they do comprehension in English language classes anymore.
I often notice people misread text on here.

https://www.churchofengland.org/life-events/your-church-wedding/weddings-faqs#na

This answers the question of entitlement to marry in parish church regardless of attendance or faith.

PonyPatter44,
The difference there is that both your parents were religious.
I think that situation has a much better chance of working.

Op wouldn’t be making any vows to a christian god, just as she wouldn’t be making them to the flying spaghetti monster, because she doesn’t believe in either

We’ve agreed the kids will be educated on all religions with a specific focus on Hinduism and Protestantism. Future kids will not be forced to go to church but if they want to that is on them.

It's absolutely fine. DH and I married in church. Neither of us believe although we are baptized CofE and Catholic. We were actually married by a bishop, DH's godparent, in a local church, where the vicar was a family friend. It's very relaxed these days, if the vicar agrees to marry you, then that's fine.

We did it mostly for our families, who do have traditional views. It was a great day 😊

She would be making vows as part of a Christian wedding ceremony, in a church, involving prayers and hymns being sung to a god she doesn’t believe in? The wedding service is very clearly based around the Christain faith, even from the opening words. How can that not be hypocritical?