If my son attends an ASD school….

[Redwineandcheeseplease01]

I am probably going to need to send my son to a mainstream primary with an ASD unit (autism/ADHD). Currently struggling on a heavily reduced timetable in mainstream reception class despite having an EHCP and 1:1.
I am digesting this realisation and I just want to know, do children and young people who attend specialist ASD schools go on to live full, happy, “typical” lives? Sorry if my question is moronic, my heads absolutely all over the place at the moment.

DS is at an ASD unit within a mainstream secondary school. This is following mainstream primarily (which didn't work out) and then a period of home education.
It's brilliant for him.
They do very similar stuff to the mainstream kids. Just with smaller classes and much more support. And the opportunity to do a bit more social/emotional learning.
I definitely expect him to go onto sit exams, attend college and get a job.

If is is in a special school and thriving, you can always try to move them to a mainstream setting. Although I know of many cases where that happened and the child was not better off at all.

You need to reshift your idea of a 'happy fulfilling life'- because it is not what it is to you or other people, it's about your child and what it means to be happy for them.
I can tell you horrific stories of SEN children whose parents put them in mainstream settings and they ended up school refusers, with horrible mental health problems as a result, because the parents thought the child would cope somehow and didnt want them to be different from neurotypical children.

You are extremely lucky to get an ASD setting at all, many children missed out because of lack of places and so many parents would kill (figuratively speaking) for their child to be able to be placed in one.

An excellent post. Totally agree with all you say.

op - you have a local service to help with school placement? Ours is amazing and go through all her options with us. I guarantee there will be something to fit your son’s profile.

My son has just moved to a specialist school. It was the usual fight everyone describes and it takes so much more out of you than you think and you have mixed emotions about it. My son's needs are complex as he is non verbal, in nappies still at 5 and doesn't have any cognitive ability to learn, so level 3 autism and SLD. He is a lovely boy who is quite joyful most of the time, but I very much doubt he will have a job or even be able to live without a high amount of support. I feel even getting him toilet trained and able to communicate through some medium would be a massive achievement. He would have eventually been kicked out of mainstream this year I'm sure, although they were brilliant trying to meet his needs,so specialist was our only option.

The teenage years with ASD are really tough if it turns out they are in the wrong school, so I think being is specialist already would be an advantage. The school my son goes to does cover being able to do GCSEs, so maybe it is just a case of finding a school that is able to diversify their curriculum. There are three curriculum pathways - one for academically able, one centred around a skills/vocational based education and my son's which is around obtaining very basic life skills. It is worth looking on the school sites to see what they offer. It sounds like an ASD unit on a school would be ideal if your son has good social ability and is academically able.

So many people come to the conclusion that their child needs specialist provision when it's too late. An environment tailored to their needs is likely to have better outcomes and you have to bear in mind you child will get bigger, and asking for a mainstream to manage his safety issues might be a big ask for staff not recruited to deal with that. You can always go back to mainstream (I don't know how easy this is, but it could be more financially appealing to LAs and that is what they care about the most).

My son is in the main state specialist in the area and there hasn't been much change so far but it is early days (although he said eight and grandad the other day and he hasn't said anything for months), but he needs to settle still. I'm just glad he is happy to go and is settling. Time will tell if it improves his development, but I have given up hope as it hasn't helped me so far. I'm just happy he is happy to be there and is enjoying it. He brings a lot of joy to people and I have took that to be his role in life!

Yes it's frustrating I know. They tend to only show you around once the LA have sent the EHCP and consulted with them. Have the school named the MS on the EHCP? Are they actively looking for a SS place?

Is your child on a reduced timetable OP? You don't have to accept that as the school are legally obliged to provide this. If this is what you think is best for your child that is fine, but just want you to know this.

When my son was in mainstream we made it very clear we would not stand for him being sent home as we both worked,

@Soukmyfalafel, our local special schools do GCSEs, but only the bare minimum and not necessarily up to the level 9 standard. The whole point of an EHCP is to allow the child to meet their full potential with support. For DS, that means the local special schools aren't suitable, as they'd actually limit him rather than allow him to meet his full potential. It's a bloody nightmare.

Yes he is in a mainstream primary, diagnosed and EHCP and a full time 1:1 although on a heavily reduced timetable that I’ve had to leave work to facilitate 🫣 Reasoning behind the reduced timetable is that although happy enough in school now they are mindful of not wanting to push him too far and he starts to have meltdowns and view school negatively/not want to go in. School have been very kind and supportive and have offered to look at other places with me, I do trust what they are telling me as hard as it is to hear obviously. I hope very much he will settle and do well at the school he’s in but I’m also pretty resigned to the fact as school starts to become less play based in year 1/2 that he will need to be in an ASD unit attached to a mainstream. That’s fine with me if that’s what is best for him. My issue is actually getting him a place but also will they take him if he has a 1:1/classed as having behavioural issues due to the climbing etc? Or are these units attached to mainstreams for children who don’t exhibit any kind of hyperactivity etc?

I think you can contact your council and get a list of specialist schools in your area and then you can look at their sites and what curriculum they offer. My son is very complex, but has the danger issues yours has, plus he has PICA. He was 1 to 1 in mainstream, but not in SS as the environment is adapted for safety issues (he still manages to eat things he shouldn't though).

I think the best thing to do is look at your options and to call or email a few schools and ask for some information on what they offer. You should have had an EP assessment for the EHCP, did it say your child was high functioning in certain areas? It might indicate his strengths and what sort of education he'll need, although he is still young and like you say, ADHD meds might make a difference if he is academically able.

It may still be a tribunal to get a specialist named in the EHCP. I'm not sure where things are at with that in your situation, but it took us over nine months and a tribunal to get him in and we had to do a SEND 7 form to get the date moved forwards.

DS went to a mainstream primary (pre diagnosis), he ended up unable to cope and with EBSA pretty much didn't attend school for a year. He was moved to a small unit in a different primary for children with additional needs, did much better there, we got his attendance up to 70%, and he's just gone up to a specialist autism base in a mainstream secondary school and so far is doing really well (early days, I know), engaging with lessons and making friends.

I don't know what will happen as he gets older, but an appropriate school setting that can meet his needs has been so good for him, as has meeting other children with similar needs so he doesn't feel so different and 'wrong'. They also do a lot of independent living skills which is great.

Long term, who knows, but he's happy now and learning which must mean a better chance for his future.

@Soukmyfalafel yes his EHCP details he is academically very able, needs access to a mainstream curriculum with adult support. He’s toilet trained, friendly, shows empathy towards others/recognises if someone is upset and will show concern such as telling a teacher “Ben is crying does he need help?” etc etc, my goodness he is a handful in terms of the impulsivity etc but he’s so bloody sweet. I hope the ADHD meds will be a game changer for him when he’s old enough to have them but I know I can’t pin my hopes on that as some sort of magic wand and I have to start planning and researching next steps now in case the day comes he can’t stay in mainstream any more.
From what I can see all the specialist schools or schools with units are miles away ☹️

@Myas I'm so glad you posted. The night and day you mentioned is what we think too, but as parents we only have so much insight.

@Detchi no problem! I know there’s not many people posting about having gone to one. I feel really sad that so many are being shut down now or made into seperate units on a mainstream site. I didn’t come out with heaps of GCSEs but I have my basics. I think if I’d continued in main stream I would have had more academics to show for it, maybe? But also maybe not as I was refusing school a lot prior.
But I wouldn’t change it as they really build you up in those schools and if I ever want to pursue more academic side of things, there is so much available online these days after it’s all done, I play around in khan academy to try and improve my maths etc. it’s much easier to pick up academic type things as an adult than to try and pick up the skills you learn in a asd focused school.

I’ve explained that horribly, but hopefully you get my gist. 😅

I'm glad you think it was worthwhile for you, @Myas. If there's suitable provision with an appropriate peer group, I'm sure it works really well. Sadly there's no such provision round here. We very much feel stuck between a rock and a hard place due to this. It's not fair on him to essentially have to choose between unsuitable schools, but that's where we are (as acknowledged by the LEA).

ETA: the special schools have no places anyway!

@Myas I have met several impressive people who have been through autism units. Our decision to try to get our son into one was as a direct result of meeting them.

@NoWordForFluffy you're right, provision is ever so limited, but it sounds like special school is a genuine option for OP.

OP it's overly simplistic but I think it comes down to whether MS can meet his needs. If they can't, then long term it's going to fail and you'd be far better getting ahead of the curve and getting him into a more therapeutic environment when he is younger. Children can and do move from specialist to mainstream, and it's so much harder to go the other way with an already distressed child.

Counselling helped me to realise this is what I needed too. I'm glad you're enjoying your life, whatever that looks like for you.

There is some great advice and sharing on this thread.
I'm no expert in ASD but I have worked for years in mainstream secondary schools and they really don't suit every child. 1:1 support doesn't work very well because of the age group and their social relationships. I've seem quite a few ASD students out right refuse support in class because they don't want other students to think they are different.
By the time children are in secondary too much support, that is 1:1, starts to inhibit social and emotional growth. This is just what I have observed in my classes, like I said I'm no expert.
I was heartened to see that one poster here had firm advice from an ed pysch not to place their child in mainstream, parents really need guidance and support in this area.

My eldest was diagnosed with Aspergers. They are very intelligent but had a lot of social and sensory difficulties at school. They were in mainstream with some TA help
Primary was difficult. Secondary was better. Lots of additional social teaching was needed, lots of fights, miscommunication and difficulties both by me and school. I won't pretend it was easy.

They now have a masters degree from Cambridge and live with partner and other friends in a houseshare with a good job And are doing really well.
It very much depends on your child, the help they get both from you and school in navigating the world and how much their dx's affect them.
This is my positive story for you though.
You can only do your best. And I'm sure you will. You are showing how important this is by questioning yourself here. You will make the right decisions for your family x

It depends what his primary need is. Most sen schools are used to a degree of behaviour issues, and a lot of the problems will disappear or lessen in an appropriate environment.

If autism is his primary need he will be able to go to an asd unit but if his primary need is behaviour he will have to go to a semh (social, emotional and mental health) unit and tbh you want to avoid that if possible.

Thanks for your honesty. His primary diagnosis is ASD but right now I would say his impulsivity and hyperactivity is his biggest barrier to learning. Hoping desperately meds will take the edge off this. He’s not violent, he’s not rude, he’s really bright and well able to follow what’s being taught when he’s there, is impulsivity and hyperactivity classed as severe enough behaviour to mean he can’t go to an ASD unit?
I think I’d rather attempt to home school him than send him to a SEMH unit.

SEMH schools can vary a lot from what you're imagining. I know you can't get round to visit at this stage but if you dismiss them all en masse you could be missing some good options. Some are much more geared towards super sensitive, anxious profile students. Whether they'd fit for your son I'm not sure, but they do exist.

It makes me so cross though that there is absolutely no one to help you find the right school. I used to think an LA caseworker or SENDIASS would do this. Hollow laugh. Obviously the local offer is a pale imitation of anything useful. At every stage it feels like more barriers put up to make it harder to secure the right support for your child.

This is very anecdotal,but my friend's son went to mainstream primary and secondary but stopped attending school at 14/15 (I it was a steady decline). He is now going on 17 and stays at home 100% of the time, no qualifications, struggles with basic day to day stuff such as washing, eating. I think that being in mainstream education was the worst thing for him, despite being academically gifted, and caused so much stress to him. There was a huge lack of understanding of his specific needs, that over the long term caused damage and led to where he is now (Covid didn't help). At 5 you could not have predicted this. He was quirky/ a bit different but not extreme like now. I think in specialist provision with specialist knowledge he could have achieved much more independence. Hindsight can be crushing.

My DS (6, equivalent of year 2). He has just started at an independent specialist SEMH school funded through his EHCp. He has a diagnosis of ASD/ADHD and has PDA. He’s been to mainstream pre school, primary and an SRP attached to a mainstream primary, all of which were an utter disaster. In fact the unit was the worst, they had taken too many children (like my son) whose need they couldn’t meet and then those whose needs they could meet were secondary to the children like my son. They now have the added issue this year, that due to the LA SEN schools being full, the LA are naming the SRP regardless of whether they can meet need.

He is now attending school full time, which he has never done before, he spent his entirety of reception and year 1 on a reduced timetable. At times it was as little as 15 minutes a day, maximum 3 hours and from April of this year I refused to send him at all. It cost my career, my mental health, my son’s mental health and thousands (and thousands) of pounds.

It has been transformational in terms of our family and our son and I can see a future for him. I’m not getting into an argument about behavioural issues or SEMH schools but they’re not all made equal. My son does have behavioural needs so goes to a school which represents that.

The LA SEMH schools, were thankfully full, as they’re very challenging places to be. My sons has 15 children across 3 classes. His class has 4 children to 4 adults and absolutely everything they do is about de-escalation. It is incredible to watch. They go hands on at absolutely the last resort and it is quickly resolved, dealt with and calm throughout with immediate comfort offered to the child. His school day is full of interactive learning, frequent brain breaks, lots of playtimes but academic work as well. It just looks different.

We also saw another SEMH independent school which was for highly anxious children who couldn’t cope with a typical mainstream environment whose behavioural needs manifested in hyperactivity and high anxiety. It wouldn’t be appropriate for my son but is for plenty of other children.

In this garbled post, what I’m trying to say, is do your research, don’t rule out anything and there will be a fit for your son. Independent specialist is probably a great place to start looking but you will need to fight. Good luck, it will be ok, you just can’t see it yet, you’re not there yet. But it will be.

I teach in a special school, primarily our children have ASD but there are children with down syndrome, sociocommunication needs and other conditions which require specialist support.

My class are very different from your little boy: they are sensory learners, the majority are in pads (key stage 3 learners) and are mainly non-verbal. However, we have classes were everyone is verbal, play imaginative games, write and learn at key stage level.

However, we are all trained in de-escalation, risk reduction is at the heart of everything we do. Opportunities for life skills, sensory regulation and time and space to play are in place for longer than mainstream settings.

DH taught in a special school purely for pupils with ASD, the expectation was 7-9 GCSES (number dependent on other needs, some took only one science etc). All were taught food tech, maths and English to GCSE and could makes some choices (ie history/ geog/ PE) for ks4. Again sensory regulation, additional language support and space as needed were key features of the school.

Our lessons in yr7 would be poles apart, but our pupils have the same primary diagnosis.

Go and look. Ask how the offer is different. Where do the pupils go next? How are they prepared for this? Wishing you both luck for his next step.

My child is at a specialist school. I have also taught in mainstream and specialist. No one can give you any guarantees but I can say categorically in my experience there was no young person who could have lived independently and achieved but didn’t due to being in a special school. Whereas there were children that was the case for in mainstream. A good specialist usually gives your child the best chance of success.