If my son attends an ASD school….

[Redwineandcheeseplease01]

I am probably going to need to send my son to a mainstream primary with an ASD unit (autism/ADHD). Currently struggling on a heavily reduced timetable in mainstream reception class despite having an EHCP and 1:1.
I am digesting this realisation and I just want to know, do children and young people who attend specialist ASD schools go on to live full, happy, “typical” lives? Sorry if my question is moronic, my heads absolutely all over the place at the moment.

Well I guess this is where I need to do the research and see what’s out there don’t I. Because in my evidently limited knowledge I would think of a special school as being for children who are non verbal, severe learning difficulties, maybe severe behavioural issues?

And then there are specialist units within mainstream schools for children with autism, COIN units etc?
And then kids that are supported in mainstream
Im literally all ears if anyone can tell me more info about other types of provision that I’ve yet to discover, I just want to find somewhere that’s a good fit for my son 👍🏻

You may not realise that many LEAs don't have the right specialist provision with appropriate peer groups for academically able children with SEN. Ours doesn't. If we sent DS to one of the specialist schools here, he'd hate it, as he wouldn't be able to cope with other children's difficulties / meltdowns (he masks and is selectively mute and anxious).

Our LEA admitted he was one who'd fall through the gaps here as there is no suitable specialist provision with an appropriate peer group.

ETA: the specialist schools here don't offer the full spectrum of GCSEs or teach to an appropriate level for DS. He'd be bored with the teaching and scared by the other kids! Crap combination.

Not a family member but I know a lad now mid 20s who finished school and started working at Tesco. He is a valued member of the team, loves work, has passed his driving test and is hoping to move out of home to a flat share.

also one thing I’m finding challenging is none of the SEN units will allow me to visit for a tour. I totally get that because there’s so much demand for places it would be disruptive if there were to be a constant stream of prospective parents milling about but how on earth can you say if you would like your child to go to a school if you’ve never stepped foot inside it or got any kind of idea of its vibe?

It depends on the child, I have viewed a lot of autism specialist schools and found them a lot more 'mainstream' than my son could cope with. He's now in a very small, very unique school where he is one of 5 in his class but they only offer a couple of gcses. He wants to try going to college (with the other 4!) and I'm not sure how that will go with having 2 or no gcses
I would hope in the future any job he goes for will look at qualifications if needed, experience and how he interviews rather than what school he went to.

Also just FYI, my friend has a child in grammar doing 8 gcses and my other friend has a child in an autism specialist school doing 11 gcses. So again, it likely depends more on the child than the school!

The next challenge is, even if they allow you to tour, they often don't have a space anyway!

@NoWordForFluffy I bloody know 🫣😂

Yes!
my daughter, settled down with her partner, got 2 children and is doing well in employment

Also just FYI, my friend has a child in grammar doing 8 gcses and my other friend has a child in an autism specialist school doing 11 gcses. So again, it likely depends more on the child than the school!

It depends on the school to the extent as to how many GCSEs they offer. And if they teach to grade 9 level or not.

We've just given up trying to find the right specialist school. We're at draft EHCP stage and the secondary we want him to go to are helping us re-write it to get him the help he needs alongside what they can offer, to allow them to say they can meet his needs.

My son was offered asd units with 1-2-1 that's literally what they're for. I would speak to your senco and ask for advice.

Usually you'll have an ehcp meeting (you can call an emergency one) where you all discuss what kind of school he needs and what is available. It is then up to the current school senco to consult with your chosen schools to see if there's a space and if they can meet needs.

If they have space and can meet needs you can then go and have a look around it.

What county are you if you don't mind sharing?

All children in my son’s school are verbal, are no more than 2 years behind academically. They do not take children with significant behavioural issues.

All children have an EHCP for needs commensurate with ASD but many have other comorbidities.

I would suggest contacting your borough’s SENDIAS service and talk through your son’s needs and they’ll talk through the options.

Many of the provisions that I describe are independent but owing to the particular support needs of the cohorts they are paid for by the LA. My son’s school is one such. The LA suggested it as suitable and there was issue at all.

My niece has ASD/ADHD, always struggled in mainstream and ended up in a specialist unit in yr 10. College was much better for her doing subjects she liked with more understanding and support and they helped her get an apprenticeship as a stone mason. She just blossomed then. She is 20 now and has completed her apprenticeship and has recently been offered a full time contract with them. I dont know whether she will live independently, DSis says she doubts it but I think she could with guidance. Very proud auntie here.

@NoWordForFluffy

I am aware of that. My son is one of those children. My borough had no suitable setting so he’s out of borough.

I don’t think it’s easy - but there is an idea special schools are only for children with the most severe of disabilities and they’re not.

I think it's just a case of talking to your EHCP Coordinator, speaking to any other SEND parents that you know but also using any local SEND Facebook groups to ask for experiences and recommendations.

I'm obviously in Sussex and we have a mix of state SEND schools who each cater to quite diverse needs, private SEND schools that the LA funds (my son goes to one of these) and mainstream schools with units attached.

The local Facebook groups especially are a lifeline, you can post anonymously if you want and get so much advice that's relevant to your area. You might be on them already of course - but just something I've found really useful.

Our child wouldn't cope with travelling out of borough either! We were told we could look at neighbouring LEAs, but DS just wouldn't go that far.

Just saw this...should have SENDIAS also gave some good, practical advice to me.

I have a similar son and they do fall through the cracks if you don't constantly fight for them. It's a hard journey. With the right support things can improve for them. I've been through hell with my boy the impulse control and the climbing has been so dangerous and challenging just to keep him safe. He has certainly improved but still he can't access mainstream but he's not learning disabled so can't go to SEN school. He has no school place and the burden of his education falls to me. But I have faith he will do ok. I'm autistic myself, I did well academically but the lack of support or understanding from others and of myself had a high toll on me. I alienated potential friends with meltdowns, when I learnt to mask I was already the weird kid, I had no friends and was bullied. I always felt othered and that I didn't fit in. Years of mental health struggles as a result. Self harm suicide attempts. Taken advantage of and abused in relationships. I did pull myself together and had my children. but it was only with my son's diagnosis and supporting him and helping him learn he's got difficulties but he's valuable, that everyone is sooo different we all have challenges and our brains keep on developing and learning emotional regulation well into our 20's for NT people- it's harder for autistics but possible. Only supporting him that I understand and accept who I am. With that understanding came relief, it cured all my mental health struggles. I look back and wish my mother had fought for me, I wish she had not been ashamed I was different, not tried to force me to conform and mit made me so very aware so found my struggles embarrassing. If I had been educated along side others I could relate to and been taught about autism I would have had a very different life.

If I were you I would focus on how you can support him at home. Be aware of how difficult life can be for him but ensure he understands it's a reason things are harder but not an excuse to act out or not try- that will only hurt himself. Fight for the best education you can get him, take the additional resourced provision offered but be prepared to face the reality that the education system does fail many autistic kids. What will help him most is your love and support and understanding.

We have a few autistics in my family and we are all so very different. Some highly functional and high achievement others need significantly more support and to the outside world would be seen as low achieving. But it's not low achievement when it was hard to learn. One of my kids spoke early and has amazing language another is non verbal so any communication from him is a massive achievement and you can see the happiness and joy he feels when he is able to. The thing we all share is we do well in our way and thrive when we feel understood safe and accepted. Yes some of that comes from school but mainly that feeling of safety came from having a parent fight for you and support you.

I have one family member who did absolutely amazing academically in mainstream school. First class degree at uni. But the social demand of work has just been too much and they now stay home isolated and their life is not what you would expect from how school went for them. Myself I struggled at school, I did ok but didn't reach my potential but looking at my childhood people probably thought I wouldn't achieve. I did. I have wonderful children and a mortgage, until I became physically disabled I was self employed and happy. I guess my long rambling point is done equate school success with life success.

I worry for my son as you do. But I've learned to hide that because the worry rubs off. Now he knows I'm proud of him (for what he sees as minor achievements based on watching others find it easy). Now he knows I'm proud and he feels safe (out of the unsuitable and traumatising inappropriate school) now he's happy and making much much better progress and I actually see I don't need to worry. He will be ok. It's hard for the kids who do t fit the SEN or mainstream mold but they can be ok I promise you. We just have to find the energy to help them ourselves

In what way? He wouldn’t like transport? Or couldn’t go alone. I appreciate it’s very tricky for some.

I live on the border of three London LAs and my son gets the TFL bus alone which makes him feel super grown up.

DS2 [now in his early 30s] started in a MLD special primary. Moved into their autism base a year later when it opened. Was then part special, part mainstream from year 5 [ wonderful school and teachers who made this work] and full mainstream with support from year 10. Has a degree, works full time, lives independently and maintains friends and an absorbing hobby.
It can happen. However there are no blueprints, every child is different. But it is absolutely not the case that specialist education is always " lesser" or likely to lead to restricted options than mainstream. Certain parties have tried to push this line, unfortunately. But they are wrong.

My youngest (DS) diagnosed ASD, completed GCSE's last summer, thankfully passing well enough to move onto 6th form to study BTECs and A Level. Moved schools, not knowing a soul, because wanted a change. He sounds a little like your own boy when he was at primary. Like all children, you can be amazed by how much they can change and grow.

My oldest (DD, 19) has no official ASD diagnosis, but most definitely is, also moved to a new school for 6th form after GCES, again didn't know anyone initially to do A Levels. Did well at those & currently in her 2nd year doing a degree at a Russell Group Uni, and living in a house-share.

One of my friends who's DD is also ASD, who they believed would spend the rest of her life living at home with her - well, she lives independently, with her boyfriend and has a job.

You never know how things will work out. Do the best you can for him, give him all the support you can, and never underestimate what he may achieve.

Teacher in a special school here.
i can’t comment on your child specifically because I don’t know their needs but, in my school, we have a wide range of pupils with ASD, SEMH, ADHD, PDA etc. Some pupils are unlikely to ever live independently and their curriculum reflects that. Others probably will and just needed a different curriculum to suit them. We have pupils sitting GCSEs, independence skills and doing work experience. It all depends on your child and the school. The right provision can do wonders!

My 25 yr old ds has level 2 autism with a borderline learning disability. He went to mainstream school but had a lot of input from speech and language, OT, paediatrics etc.

He didn't actually get his autism diagnosis til he was 13 - it just was not obvious that autism was his primary diagnosis when he was younger because it seemed to present as a global delay. He was very slow with speech and language but also very slow motor skills too.

His diagnosis opened up a world of support and was the best thing ever for him because, in our local town, there is a support organisation specifically for youngsters with asd diagnosis.

When he went there he definitely found his people. All levels of severity - some non verbal, others very verbal - but ds fitted right in.

In fact, after his first visit he said "Mum, they are all like me!"

From that group (he did have to attend mainstream high too btw) he got into supported employment. He works at a cafe that provides employment opportunities for disabled people. He loves it and has been there since he was 16.

Unfortunately, we had bad news on the housing situation for him. In our area, supported housing is only allocated to those with night needs (and i think that means only those that need someone in to give medication at night) So he does not qualify. He will need to live at home for the foreseeable.

We have a legal guardianship over him as he cannot manage banking, dealing with important letters, medical issues etc.

Honestly though, he is the happiest lad with no mental health issues as his life is very structured and manageable for him.

I have other children cognitively able and ND, and they have struggled far more as expectations are higher for them and they have not had the support.

I understand your concerns as, when my boy was small and so behind, i would have given anything to peep into a crystal ball and glimpse the future.

It's better than i could have ever hoped - my ds is verbal, can catch a (known) bus independently, he has an activity to do 6 days every week (he does 3 voluntary jobs and lots of social activities)
He does dress himself and take care of his own personal hygiene (sort of!)

He is totally loveable, funny and a really popular member of our family.

If we took his familiar supports away, he'd shut down and become very stressed. But he actually is pretty independent within this predictable weekly structure.

And, although he qualifies for full pip, he gives to the community through his voluntary work. He is cheery and people know and love him around our town.

My nephew is at a school run by the Autistic Society, he has been there since he was 11 & is now 17, they have been brilliant with him, using his interests to form a plan for his education. He does life skills as well as his lessons, he works in the cafe on the school site & is doing work experience at a local museum working with dinosaur relics & is waiting for day release to study car mechanics. He can stay there until he is 19.

Sen schools differ massively some don't offer formal education/ GCSEs. Some do limited GCSEs. I am not aware of any that function like a mainstream.

My son is borderline he is in mainstream with full time 1:1 . He struggles with the class environment.He is age related academically and greater depth in some areas. I think I'd struggle to get him in a Sen school based on academic level.

I have no idea if he will live independently or work at all. It's really hard to know and I think teen years will have an impact.

I do have a friend who has a son who attended Sen school. He's autistic with developmental delays. He gained no qualifications and is unable to work although he does volunteer for a charity. He' late twenties now he met a girl a couple of years ago who is also autistic with additional needs. They live in supported housing, his mum manages their finances/bills. And they are regularly checked on.