If my son attends an ASD school….

[Redwineandcheeseplease01]

I am probably going to need to send my son to a mainstream primary with an ASD unit (autism/ADHD). Currently struggling on a heavily reduced timetable in mainstream reception class despite having an EHCP and 1:1.
I am digesting this realisation and I just want to know, do children and young people who attend specialist ASD schools go on to live full, happy, “typical” lives? Sorry if my question is moronic, my heads absolutely all over the place at the moment.

Following because we are in a similar position right now and it’s heartbreaking.

What have you ended up doing job wise? I’m so sorry it was so hard for you .

My son is in year 6 and just started a place at a wonderful specialist school. We had to fight for his EHCP and we are so grateful hes in there. His mainstream experience was miserable and lonely.
It's a process, accepting a different journey or path for your child but what helped me was seeing how much happier my son was around other neurodivergent children. Even those who seemingly had more obvious needs and seemed very different to him.. it's lovely that he fit belongs.
His school goes up to 19 and their main priority is preparing the kids for independent happy lives.
.

Put him in am educational setting that gives him a chance to thrive.

Plenty of NT people don't have happy lives so I don't think the fact someone has ASD makes them any less likely to live a full and happy life

I worked in a school with an ASD unit.

Some students were not capable of living independently but others were. One lad worked at McDonald's - I used to see him every Weds when I took my kids in for food before cadets.

He's been there a while and got promoted.

Failed all his GCSEs (as in didn't even get 1s)

My DS "attended" mainstream but refused most of secondary as autism wasn't picked up until about age 13 and he really struggled. He has an EHCP which goes up to age 25. After a few false starts he's now studying in a special school's post 16 programme. The support he gets is awesome, it would have made a huge difference to have had it earlier, in hindsight. I expect he will eventually get some qualifications/ a job but he just needs a bit longer to get there. If a 1:1 is already needed in primary I would consider the specialist provision.

My daughter went to a specialist secondary school for speech and language - most of the kids were on the spectrum, including her. They all seem to be doing fine. My daughter works and has a boyfriend. The main thing is to get your son the right help and take his needs into account at all times rather than trying to get him to meet the milestones that other kids are doing.

You need the school which is best for him now.
If he is capable of independence they will support him to achieve it a special school will not hold him back! Rather they may have great connections with employers for supported work experience etc
The wrong school could impact but whether that is mainstream or special is a different question.
Go for the school which suits and meets his needs now you will review annually

Being in a mainstream which cannot meet his needs will not set him up well.
Suitable Special school will be happy to push him to mainstream activities
There maybe a unit attached to mainstream
Consider all options

Going to special school now does not mean giving up on independence in future

I was at uni recently as a mature student and got a temp job doing open days and tours for prospective students. I met a young man who confidently told me that he was autistic and had been through specialist provision all the way through school. He was now at uni studying engineering degree and absolutely thriving (special interest!) and was being well supported.

Right provision for right time. I'm having to deal with the fact that mainstream was not right for DD and now she's in burn out in year 11.

Plenty of stories of children who were mainstreamed in primary and it has been a huge distressing failure. YANBU to be scared - I do have a two kids known through friends and family who went specialist for primary and mainstream with special unit in secondary. I've rarely seen good progress from children needing 1:1 in mainstream from my anecdata.

I went to one (it’s not closed down though, which I think is such a shame) my life isn’t perfect by mumsnet standards 😅 but I have a happy life I’m content with and the school really was the making of me, as mainstream just is chaotic in the sense of lots of people, noise etc, the support you get in an asd school is night and day and it’s literally build for those pupils vs mainstream trying to shove them into the day to day norm type thing.

@Redwineandcheeseplease01 it really does depend on where on the spectrum your ds falls when it comes to asd and the severity of his adhd plus how he responds to the meds.
My ds has both conditions plus other issues he's bright and educational capable (their term) however due to his asd presentation plus his time blindness and poor memory he will never live a fully independent life and will be lucky to leave school with even a basic qualification in anything except ict (computer programming) he still can't even write his name legible but can type over 60 wpm 🤣
In Scotland "special schools" are bolted on to mainstream schools and they use a mixture of both for students to target their strengths and weaknesses to get the best individual outcomes for each child (when it works).
In my DS's case whilst he may never live alone he may be able to have a part time job which is work from home (coding is a very asd friendly profession) and go to his groups so it will be a good life if not the 1 we'd hoped for. I understand your fears and feelings about your
Dcs future but as long as he's happy and healthy it's all that really matters, all you can do is be there for him and give him the right start for him as we can't see into the future at his age and things might look different in a few years when he has matured and got the right meds for his adhd and the right school environment for him.

Oh I left it too late to edit, but i meant its now closed!

DS went to a mainstream primary but he struggled and then went to a special school for autism for secondary. He got a few low grade GCSEs and didn't do A levels. He is 25 now and claims UC and PIP and lives at home. He's under no pressure to work and he wouldn't manage with the basics of turning up on time, maintaining personal hygiene, social interaction etc. But he is content with the life he has. He spends a lot of time on his computer, doesn't go out much and he chats online but has no real life friends. He can travel on public transport, go to shops and the cinema, and he is fine being in the house on his own. I have to take him to medical/dental appointments and I'm his appointee for benefits.

I don't expect him to live independently but I'm fine with him living at home, we have the space for him and he is happier here than he would be in supported living. His life isn't a full or typical life by many standards but he is happy and safe.

Remember there is a whole range of specialist schools. People tend to think of the schools for those who have quite severe learning disabilities (and often physical disabilities too). They’re not all the same and all it will mean is the environment might be slightly different and tailored to your son’s needs. He could actually thrive and reach whatever potential he has (and yes some of those kids will be getting jobs, going to uni). Alternatively he could stay in mainstream and end up with mental health problems and no GCSEs or a levels.

@Newsenmum

Absolutely this. My older boy’s school has a diverse mainstream-level curriculum but tailored to individual needs and interests with a 1:4 teaching ratio plus a TA.

In his class of 8, 4 refused to attend their prior schools. All are happily going in every day. Literally overnight transformations.

My boy always attended but hated school. He actually loves going now.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I think I’m worried about the danger of him falling through the cracks and not really fitting in anywhere - not severe enough needs for specialist, struggling in mainstream, ideal scenario would be an ASD unit within a mainstream BUT because he has a 1:1 due to extreme impulsivity/lack of danger awareness (climbing etc) I hear that he may not be able to have a place at such a unit because they don’t usually take kids with any kind of behavioural issue/who need a 1:1
So where does he go then?!

not severe enough needs for specialist

I’m afraid that you have still got a way to go yet as you’re still not at a place where you’re able to accept his needs are significant.

It’s a fallacy that specialist units are only for ‘severe’ needs - they are manifold and there are settings catering to a wide variety of needs.

You son sounds like he does have significant needs to me - no one gets a 1:1 in mainstream without them.

He needs significant supervision as he has no danger awareness/huge impulsivity. So yes significant needs I guess? But he is academically able, friendly and sociable, not bothered by loud noises or labels in clothes etc etc/no sensory issues…..so I’m unsure if a special school would be appropriate for him? It’s honestly not about me not wanting to accept his needs, he’s got a diagnosis and an EHCP at 4 because my head isn’t in the sand, I knew he was going to need ALOT of support. I just don’t know where is the best place for him to get it?

What do you think a specialist school is?

Some of the children at my sons got all 9s at GCSE.

My son had his classmate over and they played chatted and watched YouTube like any other pair of 11 year olds.

They’ve go swimming, went on a trip to London using the tube and buses.

I am not understanding what you think is unsuitable about a special school.

I mean, to be crass, my son’s needs don’t sound as significant as yours and he absolutely needs his specialist provision.

It’s harder to get a place in a special school now than it was in the past. The need has to be much more severe with the majority of children in mainstream. So it’s probably not that helpful to think about young adults who have been educated under a different system to the one we have now.

I wish we had this provision here as it would suit DS down to the ground.

We're going to try mainstream with extra support (and options for breaking out from class into a smaller class size) for secondary, as all the specialist provisions would hold him back academically. Which isn't the point of the EHCP!

If what we're trying doesn't work. We'll push for private school for mainstream provision in small class sizes (which will actually cost the LEA less than state + 1:1 TA).

There isn't just one kind of specialist school though - they are really varied.

If you talk to your EHCP Coordinator they will be able to recommend different schools to look at that could meet your son's needs. Go and take a look, ask all the questions and get a feel for the place.

I don't think there is such a thing as the perfect setting, there will always be a degree of compromise...but actually going into the schools and seeing what they offer is the best way to make an informed decision.

I've often felt like there wasn't anywhere that would be the right fit for my son, it was so overwhelming at many points. But we found the best fit for him, and like I said previously he's now really flourishing.