To have not reminded him it's his washing day?

[Thfrog]

We have a complicated work schedule and various kids to juggle so my husband does his own washing. He asked if he could have a day allocated for him to do his washing. That was Saturday. That way it has a chance to dry on the airer inside. He hasn't done it and is now saying WHY DIDN’T YOU REMIND ME. As he now has no clean shirts.

I did think yesterday oh the airer is free I might do some washing but I just assumed that meant he hadn't needed to do washing on Saturday.

AIBU to have not mentioned it?

You sound to be far too reasonable!

Why does he not wash his own dc clothes

How old are dc and sdc?

Do normal families really live such petty lives?

It's not "petty" to expect a grown man to wash his own pants without being reminded 🙄 especially when his wife is already doing the vast majority of the laundry on her own, including that of her step-child.

I wonder if Op does her share of gardening, DIY home and car maintenance?

Maybe this man could (gasp) do those things and wash his own pants? 🙄

Its called "look what you made me do"

I would say YANBU for not reminding him if it was something that didn’t cross your mind during the day, it’s not your responsibility to remember it to then remind him.

“I did think yesterday oh the airer is free I might do some washing”

but I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just ask him if he was doing any? You thought about doing some washing cos the airers free so I would of just asked are you doing any washing if not I’ll put some in or did you think you wouldn’t ask him because you shouldn’t have to remind him?

To me, there's just something deeply unattractive about a man who blames his wife for the fact that he forgot to wash his clothes.

I mean, does she also need to remind him to take a shower? Put on clean pants? Feed himself?

It's the kind of thing I'd expect to have to remind a ten year old to do, not a fully grown adult.

In our house, DH handles bins etc. I occasionally take the bag from the ktichen out if he's not here. I can honestly say, that I could be shoving the black bag into a super overflowing outside bin and it still wouldn't occur to me to think, "I wonder if DH has forgotten to put th ebins out for the bin men." It literally just is not a task thats even vaguely on my radar. He went away last year and bless him, he sent me a text to check I knew to take the bins out on the right day because he is fully aware this is 100% outside of my world (I had actually thought about it but I appreciated the reminder).

I think the thing that a few people are struggling to get their heads around here is that OP is NOT keeping all her mental load AND her DH's mental load in her head at once. Why is that so hard to understand? My life improved immeasurably when I started actively handing over things to Dh that I simply do not even think about any more. And yes, his life is a bit less fun as he has to take more responsibility but....[shrug]

We have the same set up. I do mine and the kids' washing. He does his own. Like fuck would I remind him, I'm not his mum.

Classic deflection. He is angry with himself so lashing out at you.

Tell him to grow up and set himself a reminder.

Out of curiosity (not judging) how did it become your job alone to do the kids washing?

@Thfrog what does he work at that requires a smart shirt rather than an ordinary shirt???

I'm actually starting to become genuinely mystified at how some MN'etters set up their married life and their money/chores.

I literally cannot imagine doing my washing and the kids and not just chucking my husband's in at the same time. Be a bit like him doing the bins but only doing the grey ones because the blue ones belong to me so fuck it, he's not doing it.

WEIRD!!!

You're supposed to be a team. Doesn't sound very teamy to me.

If that’s how it works in your house then that’s great, you’re both on the same page but what you’re saying isn’t the same as what OP said. She didn’t forget the task because it’s her DH task, she did think about it not being done and chose to ignore it. Yes he’s a grown man and he has now inconvenienced himself by forgetting but why would OP not just ask him about it when she had the thought? She remembered so would it of hurt to just mention it?

There's an assumption that they have a car and a garden. Also an assumption that the husband does the work on them. I grew up in the most traditional household but my mother did at least as much gardening as my father, he didn't drive so knew nothing about cars and they did the decorating as a team.

So does the OP do this this and this is pretending that we actually know who does what in their household, which we don't. All we know is that this man expects his wife to treat him like an extra child, when she's already doing the washing for HIS child from another relationship.

94% of people agree YANBU, why are you only engaging with the other 6%? I always find it fascinating when posters do this. I sometimes think it’s because they are so accustomed to being told they’re wrong that nothing else registers.

Your husband is taking the piss. Unless he’s doing the lion’s share of some other regular domestic labour (cleaning, shopping and cooking, childcare - not something that happens once a month) then he should be pulling his weight with the laundry. This means l doing the DC’s and general house washing. The fact that he isn’t is a pisstske. The fact that, on top of said pisstake, he is BLAMING you for not reminding him to do his is insane.

I think you need to assert yourself a bit more. You’re not a skivvy.

It's also not very "teamy" to leave your wife to do all the washing for the children (one of whom isn't even hers) while you only bother with your own 🤷‍♀️

why would OP not just ask him about it when she had the thought? She remembered so would it have hurt to just mention it?

Presumably because he never reminds her to do her laundry? And because he's a grown adult who shouldn't need to have his hand held like a child?

What makes you think she doesn’t or wouldn’t?

Plenty of women (single and married) do those tasks too.

Always some poster who brings up supposed “male” tasks that are not even done anywhere near enough as much as laundry unless the guy is pretty sh*t at it or the home and car are old and/or fixer uppers that were likely agreed on.

I think one of them should just do all of the washing and one of them should do all of the gardening (or whatever you decide)

I don't give a shit if one is a step child. You chose to look after that child. It's not even relevent. Just stop being petty and do all the washing - let him take control of all of one other job!

Yeah op it’s not your problem !I would never remind or check that my husband had clothes ready for work on Monday. He’s an adult

She didn't specifically think "he's not using it" she thought, "oh, it's empty, maybe I'll do some washing".

But even if she did. Why are you not equally irritated at the fact that he is blaming her for him forgetting? I mean, even if you think she should have reminded him if it occurred to her, do you think therefore the fact that he didn't do it is her fault? Come on, really?!

Those are such bad examples to prove how '
"Men's work" is equally laborious and requires same amount of mental energy. Cutting grass once a week and changing blinker fluid quarterly is not the same as doing all the daily tasks.

And I don't know couple where those are the assigned man jobs.

@nosmartphone well, each to their own, but I personally can't imagine being married to a grown adult who needs to be reminded to wash his own pants, let alone one who thinks it's someone else's job to make sure his child has clean clothes to wear.

It's not being petty to expect an adult to, y'know, be an adult.

He's not a colleague, he's your husband/partner. Life is bloody stressful with kids, work and any other factors going on - pets, elderly parents, school problems yadda yadda yadda.

If you saw the airer empty, you could have just said: hey, you doing washing? Rather than seeing it as chasing/reminding him, you could see it as working together/cooperating for the smoother functioning of a busy household. Being that you actually saw it, thought it - but didn't say it. It wasn't extra mental load for you - you already had the thought.