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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have not reminded him it's his washing day?

352 replies

Thfrog · 07/10/2024 06:32

We have a complicated work schedule and various kids to juggle so my husband does his own washing. He asked if he could have a day allocated for him to do his washing. That was Saturday. That way it has a chance to dry on the airer inside. He hasn't done it and is now saying WHY DIDN’T YOU REMIND ME. As he now has no clean shirts.

I did think yesterday oh the airer is free I might do some washing but I just assumed that meant he hadn't needed to do washing on Saturday.

AIBU to have not mentioned it?

OP posts:
Rewis · 07/10/2024 09:24

Do people really plan laundry this much?
I just think to myself "I'm running low on pants. Need to do a wash today or tomorrow".

Is saturday reallt the only day he can do laundry and if he misses his assigned slot he has to wait 7 days? Or is that just a time he picked for himself ? He needs to buy more shirts if his entire wardrobe is dependent on this one chance to do laundry.

I kinda like the idea of everyone who is old enough doing their own laundry cause people are really weird about how to do it.

thisfilmisboring123 · 07/10/2024 09:27

PayYourselfFirst · 07/10/2024 09:11

All the sooo petty, I couldn't live like this posters are defending their own manchild partners.
They know its wrong but don't like women who stand up for themselves and demand fully functioning adult men as it shines a spot light on their dysfunctional relationships
Also
The poor guy, he's a man, he needs tlc, he can't work a washing machine,tinkley laugh, he doesn't know what gifts to buy, he can't wrap presents, he's got a big job,he forgets

Ick

Show quote history

Yep, definitely the definition of a dysfunctional
relationship is to notice your partner hasn’t done their washing and just quickly ask them if they need to use the washing machine.

I’m the scatterbrain in our household, I’m just very unorganised and forgetful but thankfully have an understanding and helpful partner who doesn’t find it such a big deal.

The last part of your post, well none of that is mentioned and not really relevant to the OP.

HomeOnSunday · 07/10/2024 09:27

The issue here is that she already does all the laundry for herself and both children (one of whom isn't even hers) without any kind of support from him, but he apparently needs his wife to remind him that he needs to wash his own pants once a week.

I've been very clear. If he's a lazy prick then she needs to fuck him off. I have zero tolerance for shit men. Zero!

If he's a good partner who pulls his weight, then reminding him of something is just part of being a couple because we're all only human and sometimes things slip our minds.

Getonwitit · 07/10/2024 09:27

Ask him why he doesn't remind you to do all of the chores that you do.

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 07/10/2024 09:29

Goldengirl123 · 07/10/2024 08:24

Why wouldn’t you do each others washing??

Why would you?!

PayYourselfFirst · 07/10/2024 09:30

thisfilmisboring123 · 07/10/2024 09:27

Yep, definitely the definition of a dysfunctional
relationship is to notice your partner hasn’t done their washing and just quickly ask them if they need to use the washing machine.

I’m the scatterbrain in our household, I’m just very unorganised and forgetful but thankfully have an understanding and helpful partner who doesn’t find it such a big deal.

The last part of your post, well none of that is mentioned and not really relevant to the OP.

Show quote history

Did you miss the bit where he was nasty and blamed her?
Context is everything here
He's being passive aggressive and blaming as a strategy to avoid behaving like an adult

Needmorelego · 07/10/2024 09:33

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 07/10/2024 09:29

Why would you?!

Show quote history

Because they are a family not strangers in a shared house 🤔

Catza · 07/10/2024 09:33

llamalines · 07/10/2024 08:35

Either you have a DH who generally pulls his weight with tasks traditionally considered "women's work" or you haven't yet realised that like too many men, he sees women as the help humans.

So many women go into relationships expecting things to be equal but over time, somehow, without anyone asking, we find we are the defacto boss of household tasks, with everyone else delegating being on top of such tasks to us.

Men saying they're happy to help, but in practice leaving all the thinking about what needs to be done and when to women is so infuriating it inspired the creation of this cartoon strip "You should have asked" - well worth a read https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic?CMP=sharebtnurl

Even in households where both partners work full time, women still end up doing more housework than men. That won't change if we pretend it isn't happening or have a go at those are standing up to so many men's ingrained attitudes about women being the help humans, when we come across such sexism and entitlement in our own homes.

Edited
Show quote history

I agree. It's all very well for people to say that "you are a team" and "don't be petty" but when your day consists of answering questions beginning with "where is my.." you do eventually start questioning whether you mental energy is less valued than your partner's mental energy. Yes, he is busy. Yes, as a good partner I try to make his life better and less stressful. But if I hear "do we have any..." once more, I may just explode. It's not hard to keep track of your pants and to open a fridge to see whether we have any mushrooms. I am not a default helper and fixer of all things just because I have a vagina.

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/10/2024 09:34

I honestly don't get his washing and your washing

Let alone he has a child and doesn't do theirs or your joint child - only his

Put all together and Into one of those 3 trolleys

lights darks whites

So his shirts smelly and bo need a higher longer hotter wash so whites

It takes couple of mins to put in machine

As a partnership surely one would do this and then Say I've put washing on can you hang out when finishes

Thebellofstclements · 07/10/2024 09:36

He won't forget again, so it doesn't matter.

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 07/10/2024 09:39

Because they are a family not strangers in a shared house 🤔

I have never done my DHs laundry and we've been married 11 years. I see laundry as part of your personal hygiene routine and therefore adults are responsible for their own.

DH has been doing his own washing since he was 13 so he wouldn't want me to do it anyway and I'd much rather do my own too!

HeChokedOnAChorizo · 07/10/2024 09:41

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/10/2024 09:34

I honestly don't get his washing and your washing

Let alone he has a child and doesn't do theirs or your joint child - only his

Put all together and Into one of those 3 trolleys

lights darks whites

So his shirts smelly and bo need a higher longer hotter wash so whites

It takes couple of mins to put in machine

As a partnership surely one would do this and then Say I've put washing on can you hang out when finishes

So you are making a suggestion for OP on how to make doing ALL the washing for everyone easier for her. Her DH is not going to do it is he? This is how it ended up with OP telling him to wash his own.

SpilltheTea · 07/10/2024 09:50

He can set reminders on his phone, it's not hard. He's yet another man who somehow isn't embarrassed at his incompetence.

PayYourselfFirst · 07/10/2024 09:53

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/10/2024 09:34

I honestly don't get his washing and your washing

Let alone he has a child and doesn't do theirs or your joint child - only his

Put all together and Into one of those 3 trolleys

lights darks whites

So his shirts smelly and bo need a higher longer hotter wash so whites

It takes couple of mins to put in machine

As a partnership surely one would do this and then Say I've put washing on can you hang out when finishes

It's not a partnership if only one person is doing everything

mm81736 · 07/10/2024 09:54

Do you work the same number of hours as him?

MSLRT · 07/10/2024 09:54

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 07/10/2024 07:34

I always see these comments on MN and never understand them. We all do our own laundry in our house, but i always have a full load. Is it that you have very few clothes and need to wash things more frequently? Is it that you're very careful about only washing the same colour together? Or is it that you re-wear all your clothes multiple times?

Show quote history

I am not sure what is so difficult to understand. Everyone's domestic standards vary. Some people have far too many clothes and some don't have many, some are ruining them by putting dark and light colours in together and some sort into different categories, some like to do a light load and some stuff it really full. Some like to do a separate wash for towels, dish cloths etc. Everyone is different. It really isn't rocket science.

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/10/2024 09:57

@HeChokedOnAChorizo it's not hard to put in a washing machine. Takes minutes

It's not like she is scrubbing it herself like olden days 😂

It takes longer to hang on a clothes horse

So they share it

Needmorelego · 07/10/2024 09:57

@SerenityNowSerenityNow I couldn't be bothered with that tbh 😂
It's just pieces of material.
But if it works for your family 🤷

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/10/2024 09:59

@PayYourselfFirst She puts in. He hangs out

Shared

I have set washing days so like op so can dry on dryer. I don't have a washing machine

Sun dd stuff pink mainly

Tue darks and towels

Fri whites /bedding

mm81736 · 07/10/2024 10:01

PayYourselfFirst · 07/10/2024 09:53

It's not a partnership if only one person is doing everything

Show quote history

I wonder if Op does her share of gardening, DIY home and car maintenance?

godmum56 · 07/10/2024 10:03

Firenzeflower · 07/10/2024 06:47

It's annoying to have to remind someone. But it's very odd to be married to someone you presumably love and watch as they fail at something. I wonder how people would feel if this was a man watching a woman fuck up.

You have a very odd relationship.

This. If you noticed the airer was empty on "his" day, it would have been kind and sensible to ask if he needed it.

MrSeptember · 07/10/2024 10:04

What I find astonishing about the (thankfully relatively few) posters who are all accusing OP of being petty.... is that even if you think that (I certainly don't) why are you not ALSO accusing OP's DH of being petty for blaming her when he forgot.

I mean, perhaps this is a technique I should use in my daily boss:

"Boss, it's YOUR fault I missed that deadline - you didn't remind me."
"No DH, I didn't cook dinner tonight because you didn't remind me. You really messed up."
"DC we're not going to your activity today because you didn't remind me it was happenign and I've made other plans."

FFS

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 07/10/2024 10:04

Needmorelego · 07/10/2024 09:57

@SerenityNowSerenityNow I couldn't be bothered with that tbh 😂
It's just pieces of material.
But if it works for your family 🤷

It's really no bother! I just wash my own clothes when I have a full load 🤷🏼‍♀️ DH does the same. We all have our own laundry baskets.

DS's goes on Friday night so whoever is home for the school run does that.

JudgeJ · 07/10/2024 10:05

Bearbookagainandagain · 07/10/2024 06:44

You're both unreasonable tbh. No it's not your job to remind him, so his comment is ridiculous.

But if I see the tumble drier or washing machine empty when I know my husband is meant to do a wash, I simply ask him when he is planning to do it. Sometimes he had forgotten so it's a reminder, the same way he reminds me of things when it looks like I've forgotten.

It sounds like a normal thing to do to me...

It is indeed normal but this is MN! I wonder if the OP cuts her side of the grass etc.? Do normal families really live such petty lives?

coffeesaveslives · 07/10/2024 10:05

HomeOnSunday · 07/10/2024 09:27

The issue here is that she already does all the laundry for herself and both children (one of whom isn't even hers) without any kind of support from him, but he apparently needs his wife to remind him that he needs to wash his own pants once a week.

I've been very clear. If he's a lazy prick then she needs to fuck him off. I have zero tolerance for shit men. Zero!

If he's a good partner who pulls his weight, then reminding him of something is just part of being a couple because we're all only human and sometimes things slip our minds.

a good partner who pulled his weight would wash his child's clothes himself, not expect his wife to do it 🤷‍♀️

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