To have not reminded him it's his washing day?

[Thfrog]

We have a complicated work schedule and various kids to juggle so my husband does his own washing. He asked if he could have a day allocated for him to do his washing. That was Saturday. That way it has a chance to dry on the airer inside. He hasn't done it and is now saying WHY DIDN’T YOU REMIND ME. As he now has no clean shirts.

I did think yesterday oh the airer is free I might do some washing but I just assumed that meant he hadn't needed to do washing on Saturday.

AIBU to have not mentioned it?

I would say that was normal, but my point was it clearly wouldn't be the case for OP as she already washes his child's stuff, as well as her own and their joint child's, and he can't even handle one load a week.

I don’t like that he blamed you for not reminding him, it would put me off straight away and I would be quite a bit sarcastic. 😔
His reaction should be “why I forgot and what to do so it won’t happen next time”, not “why you didn’t remind me” .
We often quarrel with DH about it. Its all about expectations, if I need reminding someone about the job I might do it myself as well. I want this job out of mind, off my mental load that’s why I’ve delegated it st the first place.

This in spades!

All the sooo petty, I couldn't live like this posters are defending their own manchild partners.
They know its wrong but don't like women who stand up for themselves and demand fully functioning adult men as it shines a spot light on their dysfunctional relationships
Also
The poor guy, he's a man, he needs tlc, he can't work a washing machine,tinkley laugh, he doesn't know what gifts to buy, he can't wrap presents, he's got a big job,he forgets

Ick

This.

I can't believe the number of people on the thread saying that you should remind him.
So he has to wear a previously worn and probably crumpled shirt in today. The hardships!! He now knows what he has to do, not you, him!

The issue here is that she already does all the laundry for herself and both children (one of whom isn't even hers) without any kind of support from him, but he apparently needs his wife to remind him that he needs to wash his own pants once a week.

Why are some women posters falling all over themselves to call the OP petty and tell her she should be doing his washing for him?!

Nope. This is what I term disposable wife work. Some people are obviously happy to do it. I have so much on my plate I refuse to take on DH's reminders. If he can't remember, he can put a note in his diary.

I would never dream of asking my DH to 'remind me' about regular chores. I take responsibility for my own life and don't expect others to have to. Next Saturday don't remind him again. It's called consequences. A few missed Saturdays and he won't forget.

If he were generally very good at remembering, then yes, if I noticed, I would remind him.

Exactly.

He wouldn’t have anyone to remind him if he became single again.

Bet he was washing his own clothes when he was single like the average adult.

My DH does his own laundry. He likes massive amounts of fragrance (beads, softener, detergent) and I don’t in mine or the kids because we have sensitive skin. Our washing machine/dryer is in the kitchen. He spends most of his day in the kitchen where he likes to wfh and chill in the evenings. If he takes too long, leaving items in there for days and I need the wash for the kids (oldest is autistic, loves mud and using his uniform as a napkin), I take it out (if wet or clean), do theirs and put his back in or in his bag and take it upstairs. If dirty, I ask him about it and turn the machine on whatever he tells me and he sorts the rest.

If he can prioritise the gym twice a week, going for a run three times a week on the days he’s not at the gym, remember the schedule for American football, cricket, football, and hockey during their seasons so he can watch every week, he can prioritise doing his laundry especially when he is sitting less than six feet away from the machine for 5+ hours daily.

Context would be my deciding factor.

If it's an agreement that usually works well and for some reason extra plates have been spinning this week and I noticed, I would probably say something to remind him.

If it's a case of that's all he has to remember house wise and he forgets all the time then no, I wouldn't be adding it to my to do list to remind him weekly.

Probably because they want to convince themselves that it's normal.

People can and do make mistakes. It's basic kindness to warn your partner if they are about to make one.

Like I've said if he's a useless dick and doesn't pull his weight then that needs addressing. But as a one off with what appears to be a new system in place then the sensible thing to do would be a quick reminder.

The positive outcome would be OP's husband getting his shit together and taking responsibility for washing his own clothes in future, meaning OP doesn't have to do it. I fail to understand how you cannot "see" this.

Do you expect other people to manage your deadlines at work for you? Do you expect other people in your life to remind you about every little thing that needs doing? Or do you somehow manage to function as an independent adult and get shit done all by yourself? If the latter, why would you not expect the same for your partner?

I have permanent alarms on my phone for tasks on different days of the week. Your husband expects you to carry the mental load. If he's capable of carrying his own mental load, then don't remind him, but do sit down and make him put an alarm on his phone labelled "washing" every saturday. then he can never accuse of you not reminding him ever again. You've solved that issue in one quick action.
My husband can't carry his own mental load (severe ADHD) so I have alarms for his tasks on my phone too.

@coffeesaveslives we go for the theory though that if you can't shove anything else in then it's time to add the capsule and press "on".
I assume this husband undresses himself so why can't he just put his clothes straight in the machine every day?

I've never understood you do your washing I'll do mine, if I put the machine on I chuck anyone's clothes in, always have always will.

The myth of the sisterhood, eh ?

It's not just about pressing a button and wandering off though, is it? I doubt he'd be the one to remember that the washing also needs to be put on airers, folded and put away, so it just means OP has yet another job to keep track of every week.

What's the betting if she did remind him, he would have accused her of " nagging"
Ugh

@coffeesaveslives well she could divorce him if it bothers her that much 🤔

Lol you’re not his mother.

Not every family runs their home in exactly the same way 🤷‍♀️

Both people in a relationship are human and can make mistakes. Part of being in an adult relationship is helping your other half avoid mistakes when possible.

If my late wife had forgotten to do something then I would remind her, and I was always grateful if she reminded me if I'd forgotten something.

If every Saturday OPs husband needs reminding then that's a symptom of weaponised incompetence. But she's not said it's every one, just this one.

If he can't remember it's Saturday, he probably needs another day to do laundry during the week too. So he can do laundry on Saturday and Tuesday night and wash his own children's clothes as well as his.

Deeply unattractive men who don't/can't/won't do basic household tasks or take responsibility for their children but expect the nearest woman to do it.

Assume he remembered not to go into work on Saturday.

I’d find it very difficult to love someone who can’t remember that on Saturdays it’s washing day, tbh. I bet the OP is the one who remembers to put the bins out, remembers which days the kids have after school activities, remembers when they’re running out of bread, remembers to put more loo paper in the bathroom, etc etc.