What life advice do you give your DC’s when they are teens ?

[Munichfam5]

A friend said they tell their kids ‘not to get married before they are 30..,’

I guess it’s personal, but I was wondering what other things people say to / advise their DC’s

Treat everybody as you would like to be treated.
Travel.
Every job is worthwhile.

Be kind, be kind, be kind.

She wants to go to uni abroad and live abroad. She loves languages even at 13. Her room is full of books in other languages. I said work hard and follow that aspiration. My mum would have said oh but it's too dangerous and we'd miss you. I don't want her feeling guilty. She needs to know she's free to do this.
Other than that it's staying safe advice as per 13 year old shenanigans. Don't walk alone on quiet roads. She tried vaping but I talked about the health risks and she doesn't do that now. Started out with bad friends but it got her into trouble and I said take great care about who your friends are. She's ok it seems for now. I'm proud of her.

Always be able to support yourself financially

The happiest marriages I see personally are the ones who brought minimal baggage in to it. They were young and were doing all the first big stuff together and in the right order, marriage, buying a house, having children etc. They are the ones that have stood the test of time. If I could go back in time and look through that lens I’d have made some very different, much more thoughtful life choices.

When my lads were in their teens and started having girlfriends I told them consent and what it really means. ( no means no and not maybe if I keep trying)

I gave them advice about money eg pay bills first, save some and enjoy the rest. ( both lads had a lot of money as older teens).

I told them to watch how their dad behaves in social settings. He was an excellent role model for them.

I told them to use credit to their advantage. They had credit cards at 18 and used it to fuel their cars etc and then paid it off without gaining interest.
This gave them a good credit rating when they applied for mortgages at 22 and 23 respectively.
They seemed to have taken things on board, probably because advice was given organically rather than a sit down lecture and they have ended up as decent people.
The one they didn't listen to was to learn another language.

Never to have kids 😂

I wish I had given my kids more advice , but who says they would have listened? I do remember, in the context of a particular occasion, saying to my daughter 'you must do what you believe to be the right thing'.

I wish I had been guided and advised more when I was younger, but then again, would I have listened?

The way it works is, by putting yourself in the right places. Don't ever miss opportunities, because you will never know what may have come from it.

I have raised my girls to be comfortable with saying no, and meaning it - even if it goes down badly with others and be comfortable in that.

To chart their own journey and to develop their own identity, talents and interests without comparison.

To avoid people pleasing and check in with themselves and their needs/wishes. Reciprocal relationships and friendships are standard.

The power of loyalty, empathy and respect. If it’s not returned to know when to walk away.

Consent, the dangers of anal sex, the importance of their own pleasure and orgasm. That a healthy sex life is one that includes their own pleasure and safety (protected sex) and they do not behave like porn actors, intimacy is completely different.

To say yes to every opportunity to work, travel and live full lives.

Education, development and training is paramount.

Can you be my mum, @Savingthehedgehogs ?

Financial planning, budgeting and financial independence.

Healthy home cooking and self care.

The art of switching off and relaxation. ( quickly becoming a lost art) Phones off, checking out. You can’t replace human and emotional connection.

I have made lots of mistakes too!

Look at the lifestyle that you have now thanks to both of us having successful careers and aim for that yourselves. Take full advantage of all the opportunities that we have given you and build on them to make sure that you can provide the same for your families in the future.

Much good advice here, however - teens are hard wired not to listen to advice, I've found. Which can be frustrating.

I agree @BunnyLake - the people I know who got married in their 20s generally did so because they had met the right person with no stress, from a big pool of options, didn’t already have kids etc. Plus they could take their time with having kids - we waited 6 years before we had them and in that time we travelled, moved countries etc, but all with the man I love.

Start at 9/10 and build up. My dc were far more receptive then.

Otherwise car journeys when they are not plugged in to air pods. Or pockets of openness. Important to hear their views and opinions too.

A better piece of advice would probably have been “don’t get married at all”.

That's not right, you should get married if you are the poorer or lower earner one in a couple but you shouldn't get married if you are richer or higher earner. Not sure if I'm joking.

100% this! The later you leave it the harder you have to look for a unicorn man - nice guy, no ties. Not hard to find when you’re young, then they obviously get snapped up! I love having built a life and had so many adventures and so much shared history with DH. 34 and been together 16 years 🙌🏻

See, I tend to think it's often the opposite.
Someone who 'settles' young doesn't know anything else and, whatever their relationship is, is their 'normal' I'd question that they know who they are and what they are capable of without being one of two.
I made sure I empowered my children to aim higher than simply 'settling'
People in their 30s may 'panic', sure, but they more likely to recognise a bad decision and, more importantly, have the means to rectify it 🤷‍♀️

I'm sure there are many happy long term marriages but the fact is, longevity is not always the flex one thinks it is and it definitely does not always equal healthy.

Wow! "Value our material success more than anything" is quite the advice.

Then give that advice, not the arbitrary, one-note nonsense that was being suggested before.

Don't pursue marriage as your main goal in life is perfectly good advice. Don't get married before you're 30 is stupid.

Wow! "Value our material success more than anything" is quite the advice.

I think you've oversimplified that poster's advice. Lifestyle isn't just about material success, evaluating lifestyle means understanding how many hours you want to work, how much stress or responsibility you are willing to accept, alongside how you want to actually spend your time off to then understand the salary you need. I think it is sage advice and not something my parents explained to me, took me 10 years into my career to realise that actually the salary I was earning and the working pattern I had was at odds with the lifestyle I wanted and that it wasn't materialistic to want to change that.

Don't marry.

One thing I'm already telling my 10 year old is that people on the internet aren't always who they say they are. She doesn't have social media but will want it in a few years so I'm trying to lay the groundwork early.
Older DSDs I have mentioned stuff about pensions, not maxing out your credit etc. Usually when the topic has come up rather than sitting them down.
Most recent one to 19 year old is 'don't ignore letters from HMRC'.