What life advice do you give your DC’s when they are teens ?

[Munichfam5]

A friend said they tell their kids ‘not to get married before they are 30..,’

I guess it’s personal, but I was wondering what other things people say to / advise their DC’s

A friend said they tell their kids ‘not to get married before they are 30..,’

Totally agree with this. That’s probably the best piece of advice my mum ever gave me.

A better piece of advice would probably have been “don’t get married at all”.

I think for girls the message has to be around self reliance really. Being able to fend for yourself financially and in other ways. Avoiding rushing into dependency on another person.

To remember that these are definitely NOT the "best days of your life". But that you get much more confident and happier when older.
That porn is not real sex and it is damaging.
To take most (safe) opportunities offered and see what happens.
That luck is generally created not pure chance.

My kids don’t listen to my advice, they already know everything.

Nothing like that. They are entitled to do what they want. Plus what teens are dealing with is school, exams, social life, choices, first relationships.

Your friend is projecting unhealthily.

I focus on values and support.

That not every thought in your head has to come out of your mouth

that porn is like an action film - not real life

that you will always have rules to follow even if you don't agree with them

Avoid credit until you want a mortgage
Choose something you enjoy as a career
Do the best you can, and take satisfaction from it.
Use a condom
Drugs are a guaranteed route to unhappiness

That most people are too worried about themselves to be thinking things about you.

To choose the father of their children (I have daughters) VERY carefully, because it links you for life.

Of course I've also given them the message that it's absolutely fine not to have kids!

That luck is generally created not pure chance. This is high stakes as it isn't true and hits people hard when they do have bad luck.

I think 'luck is out of our control, all we can do is try hard to give ourselves the best chance' is more protective against future bad luck impacts on mental health/self esteem.

I only have a DS.

Main things are to have a strong work ethic no matter what career he chooses, always practise safe sex, and that housework and childcare are not just women's work.

Agreed, some people absolutely are born with more privilege than others, how you come into the world IS pure luck and can impact a child's future.

That not everyone is going to like you and that's ok.

And don't make someone a priority when to them you are only an option.

I don't want them to be extreme people pleasers like me basically.

Don't take shit from anyone.
Don't compare yourself/life to others on social media.

I personally think that's judgemental and unhelpful. I got married in my early 20s had kids by my late 20s. I'm still happily married 25 years later. Horses for courses surely.

To not add unnecessary apostrophes.

I always say that they should try to be brave enough to endeavour meet new people at events like parties, pubs, on aeroplanes or whatever. Don't be afraid to chat. You just never know who you might meet.

In other words, to build their networks. And to be interested in other people. Step out of their comfort zones.

I also mention that very few people are memorably charming and pleasant in this world. If they behave graciously, be friendly and smile as well as working hard, then they will be remembered as such and it could work well on their favour.

Oh and that it's better not to have children young. I don't tell them not to. I just say life is for exploring. Having fun. Especially in your 20s. Children are a whole other adventure for older people.

I’ve given the ‘start contributing to your pension as soon as you start earning and then you’ll never miss the cash in your net pay. Plus - compound interest’ advice

Also the ‘a bad relationship is worse than no relationship’ and ‘you can end a relationship for any reason’ advice

I’m discovering as we go along there’s advice that hadn’t occurred to me, like after the first time he was drunk I gave him the ‘a glass of vodka has more alcohol than a glass of cider’ advice’ but I was a day late on that occasion!

@SunflowersAndSquash hear hear.

Yes, very true. Otherwise, we're setting children up to blame themselves when things out of their control inevitably affect their opportunities in life.

I always say it's best to have children young!

That luck is generally created not pure chance.

How does that work then?

I only have boys and I don’t give “advice” as such but I have probably told them to save money and don’t use credit, to always do the extra work and to go for things you want, because you lose every shot you don’t take, and that you tend not to regret the things you do, but you regret the things you don’t do.

It's a terrible piece of advice. I got married 30+ years ago. We lead a happy life.

I was delighted to welcome my daughter in law into our family last year. She was 26 at marriage, my son was 25. They are hugely committed to each other, have bought a house together and are well matched in personality and outlook.

"There is no need to rush to get married and settled" is reasonable piece of advice, Putting some arbitrary number onto that is stupid.

Well as someone who has a very successful and happy marriage with my high school sweetheart married in our 20s (along with many other successful marriages of a similar age in our family) they wouldn't take that advice from me and nor should they lol. I hate generic "advice" like that it's very close minded which isn't a great example to set to teens. No point getting prescriptive with relationships, they're too individual and depend on the circumstances and people. For some people later marriages may be necessary, but not always.

Mine would be practical advice about finances, the main misstep I made growing up was following my heart career-wise but not thoroughly understanding the impact of wages and lifestyle, I ended up changing my career in order to earn more to get the lifestyle I wanted, so I talk to mine a lot about thinking about these things up front and finding a balance between stability and enjoyment, there's no shame in considering wages, they're important too.