What life advice do you give your DC’s when they are teens ?

[Munichfam5]

A friend said they tell their kids ‘not to get married before they are 30..,’

I guess it’s personal, but I was wondering what other things people say to / advise their DC’s

On a more emotional level I’ve also told them that there is no problem that we as a family cannot overcome and they can always come to us about anything, even really stupid or ill advised or illegal things.

Like said above - you don't like everyone (sometimes not even for a reason), so why do you want everyone to like you. My dp says this and this would have been important to hear when I was a younger adult.

Consent
Be independent - financially. Be able to stand on own feet and depend on having a dp
House / family work is shared work and not women's work.
Budgeting - if you earn £1 and spend 99p you're fine, if you spend £1.01 you're not!
Be yourself, try to be kind
Stick up for things you are right, don't be a pushover.
Choose a job which makes you happy.

I did a women are actual people chat.

Go not put anything on the internet that could harm your career down the line.

Never send sexts as any relationship can fail and you don't know what a person could do with that nude photo of you after you are no longer together.

Try to save money for if you really need it.

Once working pay extra into your private pension from day 1. If your work place does not have one open a SIPP.

Drugs and gambling can be addictive and wreck lives.

Don't leave your drink unattended at a bar or club. It could get spiked.

Keep fit and keep your weight under control because it gets harder as you get older.

It's not weak to apologise.

Trust yourself to insist on a condom even if a female says she's on the pill.

Remember Mum and Dad won't judge you if you mess up and will always have your back.

I got married aged 20 (15 years ago) and agree putting an arbitrary number on it is unhelpful. Something like "Only get married if you're absolutely sure" would be better.

I think advice is very situation dependent but generally I tell my kids regularly that they can always, always ask me for help, and to remember that the people they truly care about - including themselves and their sense of self - are their real life and everything else (school, work) is window dressing.

Oh, and remember no one cares about you as much as you do. You're only the main character in your own life, which means they might not make as much effort as you'd like on your birthday but that they're unlikely to be thinking about your zitty forehead on any deep level.

Travel, before you 'settle down'.

To ds: always challenge misogyny, wherever you see/ hear it.

To dd: you are not here to skivvy after anyone. Choose your life partner very carefully.

To come home with all of your problems.

To the marriage thing - everyone I know who married in their 20s is still happily married (including me and DH who were 25 and we’ve been married 20 years, my parents who have been married over 50 years, my in laws (60 years) whereas people who got married in their 30s aren’t always as they seemed to panic about time running out and settled.

For my son’s - show kindness in everything you do.

For my non existent daughter - I agree with the original post, don’t marry under 30. Don’t have children unless marriage is on the cards. (I had 2 DC unmarried, speaking from experience) and also show kindness in all that you do.

You're not looking for consent, you're looking for enthusiasm

Always believe in yourself.
No one has the right to speak disrespectfully to you.
Always wear a condom.

DD once produced a framed list of good advice I have given the kids over the years....it includes such sage advice as " the best place to eat a mango is in the bath, coffee boiled is coffee spoiled, and cold salt water is best for removing blood stains"

My son got married at 21. Couldn't be happier at 34.
Other son had baby at 19. Been together 19 years. Couldn't be happier. 2 kids now and successful careers.
So that doesn't fit our family.

My advice was Never Cheat on your partner.

All good so far.

I was going to say none: they don’t listen! However, despite all your efforts apparently falling on deaf ears, you might be pleasantly surprised when 15 years later, they tell you that the advice you dispensed, all those years ago, is their new philosophy for life… as if they’d thought of it themselves🤣🤣🤣

If you are hoping for help from me better have babies in your 20s girls and boys because i am already slowing down and fertility slows down at 30.

they are not listening though as they say they don’t want kids. So ai got a kitten to mother instead.

understand finance. Keep a nest egg. Invest widely.

I wouldn't presume to know what age it will be best for my kids to get married. I can't believe how many people on here are suggesting similar "you should do this advice" I presume in 15 years time you will all be subject to threads about controlling dm' and mil. "I want to marry the love of my my life but my dm says I should wait" or "My dm convinced me to wait to get pg and now I need ivf". I give my kids more age appropriate advice like explaining student loans, rental deposits, utility bills etc with them. Just because going to uni, getting married at 28 and having kids at 30 worked for me doesn't mean it will for them. The world is a very different place now. Bit like when my dm wanted me to leave school at 16 and get a job at Woolworths.

This.
Don't take shit from anyone.
I would say this is probably the single biggest and best piece of lifelong advice you could give to your kids.
Literally.
Do not take shit from anyone.
It covers so many bases. Friends, partners, bosses, family, colleagues, spouses, random strangers, online contacts.
It's probably the best piece of advice anyone could live their lives by in order to preserve their self esteem.
Also, my own piece of advice to add:
Protect your mental health above all else. Always make the choices and the decisions that will ensure your mental health is well looked after. Good mental health is the bedrock of everything else.

Think about what lifestyle you want and work back from that to find a career goal that is conducive to the life you want, and what quals you’ll need to get there. Eg if you want to be outside all the time, want to have exercise as part of your day, want to sit at a desk for 9-5 then not take any work home with you, if you want to be saving lives but accept you’ll probably massively stressed etc.

@MasterBeth

It's a terrible piece of advice. I got married 30+ years ago. We lead a happy life.

Maybe putting an arbitrary number on it is wrong but I stand by the general sentiment.

I don’t think marriage is always a bad idea: some marriages work really well.

But pursuing marriage as your main goal in life is a disastrous idea for women and one which honestly still guides a lot of women. Marriage as the icing on the cake following a good career and supporting financial independence, fine. Marriage as a life goal? You are basically giving up control of your own life.

Be kind to others.

On careers etc, pick work that is interesting and you might enjoy doing the rest of your life, that is reasonably well paid for the kind of life you want to lead (whatever that life may be - your choice) and ideally work where ultimately you can work for yourself (I work for myself as a solicitor and even my NHS doctor father when the NHS required him to resign had his other medical work he could continue until he was 77).

I do not think it is for me to advise them on relationships. I do like having grandchildren - my lawyer daughters are married with children. I am glad they work but had they decided not to work when they had small children that is fine by me too as I am not their keeper or controller. I am glad they married before having children unlike about 50% of the UK now which just lives together and I would hope when/if the time comes my sons will marry before having children.

Don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t worry.

I would never give advice like don’t marry till you’re over 30 as there’s no guarantee that’s any better advice than marrying younger or not at all. My friends with the longest and happiest marriages all married young.

My advice has mainly been monetary. Focus on buying rather than renting (they can live with me and save). Put money in private pensions, get good financial advice from a professional, don’t waste too much money on ‘stuff’.

This is something people say when they have been fortunate. It helps them to feel self-made / self-righteous. Lots of people work incredibly hard all their lives and end up with feck all and a really tricky lot in life. They are frequently nicer than the kind of people that say that luck is Created and not pure chance.

No credit history can make a mortgage harder to get.

Phone contracts are seen as credit.

Better to say have manageable credit imo.

Many still hide their true selves and turn out to be bastards though. Mine did.