The way some people let toddlers behave......

[Purpleturtle46]

I have own 3 kids in primary and secondly so still completely remember what the toddler stage was like but recently I have noticed on several occasions that people just let their toddlers run wild. Yesterday for example I was at a farm park with my youngest who has just turned 8 and the following are examples from just one day.

-DD in big sandpit quite focussed on building something and toddlers allowed on several occasions to come over and knock it down, no intervention from parents.

-huge slide from top of 3 story fort thing with big queue of kids at top, none can go down as toddler standing at bottom. Mum comes and removes toddler after a while and process repeats itself several more times.

-lots of sunken trampolines in ground, one child per trampoline. DD waits patiently to have a go, toddler then gets on with her. Parents seem to find this cute, DD gives up and just gets off.

-a throw a hoop over the witches hat game. Toddler running in-between the hats so DD has to wait until toddler is removed after some half hearted attempts to shout across from the picnic bench Dad is sitting at.

-older baby crawling around the middle of the floor in a cafe, waiter carrying 2 huge plates of food nearly trips over them.

And that's just one day. Obviously it's not the fault of the toddlers but when my kids (3 under 4 so not easy) were that age I constantly had to talk to them about turn taking etc. Yeah of course it's hard work but that's how they they learn. Just getting fed up of older children being expected to tolerate this behaviour and parents finding it funny and cute! I suspect my DD is probably mildly autistic and although she coped ok with all this I could tell it was frustrating her as she always waits her turn, I'm sure that would be annoying for any child. I am always torn between showing my kids a balance of being tolerant but also standing up for yourself and not being a people pleaser which I probably am guilty of.

The worst one I saw recently was at 2 of my kids' trampolining club award afternoon where the coach was making a speech and a toddler was being allowed to run around between the kids and not sitting with parents in spectator area. The kids found it funny so were giggling while the poor coach was trying to make a nice speech about the kids, she was clearly pissed off, fair enough! Again all attention on this toddler with the parents doing nothing to stop it and looking on at the toddler all gooey eyed!

Has anyone else noticed this trend?

What I hate about comments like this is that it confirms for me that everywhere we go people are judging the hell out of us.

my daughter is neurodiverse. There are many reasons that in that moment she might get it wrong and might not react the way you would expect.

So right, parents don't seem willing to teach children from an early age to respect others basically. At 2 or whatever they don't know yet so parents have to be fully engaged in correcting behaviour at say a farm park, holding onto them and removing them immediately if they are getting in the way, into the buggy if needed. At they grow they need the skills to take turns, wait, etc etc

People are blaming covid for classroom issues but ask teachers, it was going the same way before, covid just accelerated the issues. These lessons start as toddlers. But it's not all families, I've met lovely polite kids and those children are having their lives disrupted by the ones whose parents are "gentle parenting" aka not teaching right from wrong.

My kids are well adjusted adults and I'm exasperated by what I see now as are all my friends

Yep. Me too. My son was a handful and I always followed it up at home, if he did something wrong during the day in school. He is turning into such a lovely, well mannered young man but I do think that it's because my husband and I have been very consistent in addressing his behaviour from a young age. He has a very, very strong personality and i think he would be very difficult (and quite unlikeable, if im honest!) if we left him to his own devices, without very strong guidance from us and partnership with the school.

Just back from holiday in the Canaries
Was really shocked at the number of children who were allowed to run around the self service restaurant
Ine was even on a skateboard !

SD has three kids.12.8 and 4.
The eldest one is not much bother but the other two are a nightmare.
We leave quite far apart so don't see them very often thankfully.
We met up with them in one of those family type pubs..They 8yr old proceeded to kick the daylights out dh .all the while with a nasty spiteful smirk on his face..he's ignorant..won't answer when spoken to ..has no manners.
The 4yr old screams most of the time. Their mother just says 'stop it'
Thankfully I don't have to spend much time with them ..but jesus ...take control of your kids can't you.

I agree OP, I think all of this gentle parenting movement has meant that some people think they can legitimately give up on it. Mobile phones haven’t helped…

My kids were no angels and I am sure I missed some things but what I was never guilty of was at least not trying to stop them and, if necessary, removing them. Yes it meant that some days out ended sooner than expected, we had some time outs, some days were frankly miserable but they did eventually get it.

I think it’s pretty uniquely British too, French, Eastern European and Asian families I know don’t put up with it either.

I agree with others that it's not just toddlers.
I encounter this problem at the library with my 6 month old. Toddlers running around, clambering onto the stools, coming up to my baby. I understand their curiosity, but poking my baby in the face, pulling her ear and hair, taking the book she was happily playing with and shouting "bad baby" is just not on. I feel sorry for the toddlers being left to roam free whilst the mother sits on their phone at a nearby table completely oblivious. Once in frustration I did say in a fairly loud voice "To whom does this child belong?". Felt a bit bad afterwards but equally I don't think it's unreasonable to point out that toddlers need supervision!

I think it’s pretty uniquely British too, French, Eastern European and Asian families I know don’t put up with it either.

It's absolutely NOT uniquely British!!!!!

I think we all recognise that parents are distracted by phones and coffees. I was constantly irritated by selfish parents but fortunately that stage has ended now as my kids are older.

@CatsandDogs22 agree you with on that.

I think perhaps some people are not familiar with this kind of situation and, when they see it, don’t understand.

We have a child in our lives who is a hitter, biter etc.
He’s not our child, so I just support parents where possible if we are out and the challenging behaviour happens.

I’ve seen the judgement mum gets sometimes. It must be really hard

I think it's obvious when the parents are trying though, and most people are very sympathetic of that. That's not what OP's describing.

My friend's wee boy sounds a lot like yours. I love that child and there's not an ounce of badness in him but my word he's a handful. A whirlwind of energy and impulsive choices. His parents are all over it though, you'd never see him and think he's not being parented.

I’m always close by to my toddler. Unless he’s in immediate danger such as running towards moving swings or about to destroy something another child’s built I do ask him to step away/stop etc before physically removing him. 9/10 he will and prevents any behaviour starting.

I’d had a lovely morning with him yesterday, he was an angel in a cafe. Sat at the table throughout, walked beautifully across to the shops and then decided to run away. Screamed when I asked him to come and walk by me. I got down to his level told him no that wasn’t ok etc etc. Screamed even louder and longer when I took his hand and didn’t let go - I gave up on most of my shopping and just grabbed what I couldn’t wait for. I got a fair bit of judgement based on the looks on a few peoples faces. Often you’re only seeing a snippet of behaviour. Most parents I know are very good but there are parents I see weekly at groups etc who are clearly not interested in actively parenting. It’s not just toddlers though I’d say I see worse behaviour from school aged children when in the park etc with parents nowhere in sight.

Yes, I agree.

The most unruly children I have seen were two boys about ten who were the children of Japanese tourists.They were rushing and causing danger to older folk (some unsteady on their feet) in the Tower of London. The parents watched and didn't take any issue when they shoved, pushed and ran.

I had to ask one lad to please take care near the lady with her walking stick. And also remind them that it was not yet their turn as Mr Red Jumper was there waiting well before them.

You are a classic example of forgetting and I mean "really" forgetting what the toddler stage is truly like. Toddlers act that way because that is the stage they are at developmentally, they just need to grow out of it. Usually asking a toddler not to do something results in screams and tantrums. For the people saying I would never let my toddler act a certain way, or my toddler was an angel, they are talking bullshit nonsense. Stopping being so smug that stage is behind you, and try showing some understanding and compassion.

Yes it's a developmental stage but not something to just leave them to grow out of! As a parent, you should be teaching and guiding them, even if that results in screaming and tantrums that YOU then have to navigate. To just leave them to it, is quite honestly lazy parenting.

It amazes me that people are still so ignorant of child development, after all the research and information that is readily available out there. People that are offended by a small child's "behaviour" really need to take a long hard look at themselves and I am talking about the 2-4 year old bracket. Why expect the behaviour of an older child? when every piece of literature out there tells us it is not developmentally possible in the toddler years. Someone with an 8 year old child should not be annoyed at a child that is just emerging from babyhood, it is very wrong.

I don't think anyone on here is offended or bothered by a small child's behaviour. What people are bothered and offended about is lazy parents who can't be bothered to parent their child in favour of a quiet life.

Yes, it is relentless and very tiring to moniter a child.
It's hard and most people are sympathetic.

I am one of those parents, as is DH, who will step in and loudly tell other children to behave/stop cutting in line/tell the kids to go down the slide anyway and ignore the little git climbing the slide. I was a Nanny for 10 years and then a teacher at a PRU. 90% of the time, the children respond well and think about their behaviour from then, which is nice to see. It doesn't need to be aggressive or rude, but clear and concise.

Parenting standards have plummeted, but remember, the worst in society are always the loudest and most aggressive and can seem like they are everywhere! There are some amazing parents out there.

I need to tell myself the above, as DDs want to go to a playground which has form for being full of unregulated behaviour 😆

Wish me luck.

These same kids grow up to become worse teenagers and adults.
Yet these parents are the ones complaining that the education system is broken! Is broken because teachers simply cannot control 32 children that have never been told ‘no’.

I think it depends on the temperament of the child . No two siblings are alike . I was gobsmacked at the post up thread where the girl was punching her mother because she wouldn't buy her something.

Not just you. Where it affects my child I've started telling the other children off. I can't be arsed with it anymore and I'm not going to teach my daughter to put up with the shit I'd tell her off for. Stuff like kicking the back of her chair or repeatedly taking her turn.

I was on a cruise once and someone brought a toddler to the late night comedian slot. They proceeded to let the child run around, go up to the stage and generally disrupt the show. The poor comedian was desperately trying to soldier on but it really was so distracting - parents just watched on in a “aww isn’t she cute” manner!

I agree, it's really crap parenting to expect older children to tolerate inappropriate toddler behaviour, in areas that are clearly aimed at older kids. We have this at the trampoline park my DS14 goes to. There's a specific area for advanced skills that clearly states over 11 only. Despite there being a designated under 5s zone, plus the rest of the park, there are nearly always toddlers wandering in with their parents watching them, thinking it's cute that they want a go on the pinball wall. And then being pissed off when a teenage boy politely asks them to move so he doesn't do a back flip into said bloody toddler.

@Xtraincome

The most dangerous in society are those who can manipulate others into doing awful things while standing back laughing Scott free . Prison is full of people who have fallen victim to these monsters.

This is untrue.

Yes it is a stage of development. No, you don’t just let them grow out of it.

Parenting a toddler takes constant effort. I worked and parented mine. I found it so hard, I decided never to do it again and stick to one child.

But I did parent constantly. He held my hand. I never let him do any of the types of things op described in the opening post. I talked to him constantly. I watched him constantly.
I haven’t forgotten, but I realised that my son’s behaviour, even as a toddler, reflected on me as a parent.

I never sat back on the sidelines, scrolling on my phone hoping other people would entertain him, or just let him run wild so I could take a break. I never saw a day trip as a form of child care. I never expected everyone should find my toddler cute and let him push in, or disrupt their day. I also recognised that not being present when my son was playing, put him at risk.

’Some’ parents today are lazy and entitled and they’ll shout the loudest when you try to remind them they have a toddler they should be watching. If you are upset by this statement, then ask yourself why.

Toddlers gonna toddle

Find it hard to get worked up about babies being babies!

The trampoline thing reminded me of a local shopping centre with a small play area. Most of it was quite dull but there was a small inset trampoline thing that DD liked to play on even at 8/9. However after a couple of visits she didn’t want to even go near the play area because she couldn’t get on the trampoline for love nor money. She’d stand next to it waiting her turn patiently but as soon as a child go off a small kid would run from elsewhere and get on before her. Every time. And the parent would just give her a “oh he’s only little” look and not take them off. So as a well-behaved “big kid” she could never get on the one item in the play area that suited her age group.