The way some people let toddlers behave......

[Purpleturtle46]

I have own 3 kids in primary and secondly so still completely remember what the toddler stage was like but recently I have noticed on several occasions that people just let their toddlers run wild. Yesterday for example I was at a farm park with my youngest who has just turned 8 and the following are examples from just one day.

-DD in big sandpit quite focussed on building something and toddlers allowed on several occasions to come over and knock it down, no intervention from parents.

-huge slide from top of 3 story fort thing with big queue of kids at top, none can go down as toddler standing at bottom. Mum comes and removes toddler after a while and process repeats itself several more times.

-lots of sunken trampolines in ground, one child per trampoline. DD waits patiently to have a go, toddler then gets on with her. Parents seem to find this cute, DD gives up and just gets off.

-a throw a hoop over the witches hat game. Toddler running in-between the hats so DD has to wait until toddler is removed after some half hearted attempts to shout across from the picnic bench Dad is sitting at.

-older baby crawling around the middle of the floor in a cafe, waiter carrying 2 huge plates of food nearly trips over them.

And that's just one day. Obviously it's not the fault of the toddlers but when my kids (3 under 4 so not easy) were that age I constantly had to talk to them about turn taking etc. Yeah of course it's hard work but that's how they they learn. Just getting fed up of older children being expected to tolerate this behaviour and parents finding it funny and cute! I suspect my DD is probably mildly autistic and although she coped ok with all this I could tell it was frustrating her as she always waits her turn, I'm sure that would be annoying for any child. I am always torn between showing my kids a balance of being tolerant but also standing up for yourself and not being a people pleaser which I probably am guilty of.

The worst one I saw recently was at 2 of my kids' trampolining club award afternoon where the coach was making a speech and a toddler was being allowed to run around between the kids and not sitting with parents in spectator area. The kids found it funny so were giggling while the poor coach was trying to make a nice speech about the kids, she was clearly pissed off, fair enough! Again all attention on this toddler with the parents doing nothing to stop it and looking on at the toddler all gooey eyed!

Has anyone else noticed this trend?

That's not what OP is annoyed about. Toddlers will toddler. She's very clearly annoyed about parents not addressing the behaviour and minding their children properly

Ds works in retail. He politely told one mother to be careful, your child is near the automatic barrier which is activated as soon as anyone approaches it.
Cue mother glaring at ds and continuing to allow her toddler to meander about unsupervised. A staff member then walks past the barrier, barrier swings open hitting toddler in the face. Cue mother shouting that she now wants to speak to a manager as her child has been hit and it’s all the staff’s fault.

YANBU at all.

I still don’t know how I restrained myself, when the parents stood by fondly watching a very small child gaily trampling - stamping deliberately - on a bed of beautiful blue scillas in Kew Gardens.

Yeah mine are 6 and 4 so we're only just coming out of this phase now (thank fucking christ) but neither were ever allowed do any of the things in the OP.

The odd pause at the bottom of the slide before being swiped away, perhaps you could be unlucky with one sandcastle being knocked down which would be mortifying but the rest is all unsafe or ruining other people's fun.

Toddlers are bloody hard work to keep in line but you do need to actually do that work.

I am actually a teacher of young children too and they need these skills in school. If they aren't taught when they are young it's a struggle by the time they get to school and can't cooperate well with other children which in turn affects either friendships and behaviour in the classroom.

It's lazy parenting. Yes toddlers have tantrums if they don't get their own way as they cannot process emotions and situations as adults do, but that doesn't mean that at a place like this it's fine to have them ruin things for other people just because you don't want to deal with it. I don't feel compassion for someone who can't be bothered to remove their child from the bottom of a slide other children are patiently waiting to go down, no. I'd always keep an eye on DS, it means days out aren't as enjoyable and relaxing at that age, but it's the way it is- don't take them if you can't be arsed.

You're missing the fact that you can't correct them until they do something wrong. You might have had angel kids that never dared step a foot away from you. It might have been the first time those kids had done that- you can't preempt a toddler going somewhere they shouldn't at a play place. You can teach and correct them after they've done it.

I think this post is more a comment on shit parents who allow their children to behave in this way. The OP is correct in her viewpoint.

I wonder if the toddlers who are allowed to behave like this turn into the teenagers you only read about on MN who are allowed to leave their rooms in squalor with mouldy cups and plates etc lying around? 🤔

Dad's are notoriously bad for letting their toddlers run riot. I was in a park where the child was playing along side mine while dad was on his phone! I pushed kid on swing and chatted to him while dad ignored him

Nothing OP describes is unexpected behaviour from a preschooler.

That's why you shadow them at that age, to keep them safe and teach them consideration for others.

OP is criticising the lazy parenting, not the very normal children.

There's always been awful parenting but I agree the general trend appears to be a decline in active and consistent parenting. There's too much of either no parenting/not caring, misinterpretation of gentle parenting, negotiation, performance parenting or wanting to be your child's friend!

No my toddler was no angel but I was there directing how they should behave or they were taken away, parents can't help how their toddlers behave but they can so something about it not sit back ignoring it and leaving it to others to deal with

I am in my 60s and will never, ever forget what having toddlers was like, as it was by far the most difficult stage of bringing my two children up, for different reasons. They both turned out all right, fortunately. One of the reasons was that when they had tantrums over being told no we did not give way. This is an exceptionally important life lesson and yet even back in the early 90s we saw many parents who appeared to find it amusing when their children refused to do what they were told, and just gave up. It isn't amusing. It's pathetic. It causes a lot of inconvenience and sometimes outright harm to other people, including children, babies and frail elderly people. Not the fault of the toddler. The parent or caregiver is in charge at that age and has a responsibility to keep the child's behaviour under control. If that can't be managed, stay at home.

It's not about expecting children to behave a certain way, but expecting parents to bother to parent their children. I wouldn't expect a child of that age to know they shouldn't stand at the bottom of a slide or to not knock down other people sandcastles; but I'd expect their parents to actually be watching what they are doing, pre-empting these things and removing them when necessary from the situation. Not shouting at them or telling them off, but explaining why and thinking of other people/children. I know the last one is a foreign concept to many parents now.

No, we remember it, but we were more active in managing it properly.

Of course not but you need to be on it, not just sitting on a bench nearby or chatting to your friends.

Grandparents are the worst, IMO

A phrase I hear more and more as a teacher is 'It's not fair!' When what the child really means is 'I didn't get my own way.'

In the minds of so many of our children these statements are the same.

In all honesty, this is the opposite of my experience. Dads seem to be always on the ball with their kids. Sometimes hovering too much when kids need a bit of space to get on with things themselves. But in general, the dads are very involved and always have eyes on their kids. The mums are the ones not paying attention and having a blether at the side of the play park.

I only had two but if I was in the playground with them by myself then we stuck together until the eldest was big enough to go play by herself (and even then I'd still be keeping an eye).

YANBU at all. Lazy negligent parenting.

I'm not missing that fact at all. Yes, you correct them when they need it - nobody is saying otherwise! The OP is very clear she's talking about parents who don't step in, not toddlers being toddlers.

(And I certainly didn't have an angel kid - I had a non verbal autistic toddler, who never stayed at my side....)

That may be because the mother spends significantly more time with the children.

It's maybe easier to be good for 3 hours a day rather than 15.

I wouldn't have restrained myself. Appalling behaviour (from the parents).