The way some people let toddlers behave......

[Purpleturtle46]

I have own 3 kids in primary and secondly so still completely remember what the toddler stage was like but recently I have noticed on several occasions that people just let their toddlers run wild. Yesterday for example I was at a farm park with my youngest who has just turned 8 and the following are examples from just one day.

-DD in big sandpit quite focussed on building something and toddlers allowed on several occasions to come over and knock it down, no intervention from parents.

-huge slide from top of 3 story fort thing with big queue of kids at top, none can go down as toddler standing at bottom. Mum comes and removes toddler after a while and process repeats itself several more times.

-lots of sunken trampolines in ground, one child per trampoline. DD waits patiently to have a go, toddler then gets on with her. Parents seem to find this cute, DD gives up and just gets off.

-a throw a hoop over the witches hat game. Toddler running in-between the hats so DD has to wait until toddler is removed after some half hearted attempts to shout across from the picnic bench Dad is sitting at.

-older baby crawling around the middle of the floor in a cafe, waiter carrying 2 huge plates of food nearly trips over them.

And that's just one day. Obviously it's not the fault of the toddlers but when my kids (3 under 4 so not easy) were that age I constantly had to talk to them about turn taking etc. Yeah of course it's hard work but that's how they they learn. Just getting fed up of older children being expected to tolerate this behaviour and parents finding it funny and cute! I suspect my DD is probably mildly autistic and although she coped ok with all this I could tell it was frustrating her as she always waits her turn, I'm sure that would be annoying for any child. I am always torn between showing my kids a balance of being tolerant but also standing up for yourself and not being a people pleaser which I probably am guilty of.

The worst one I saw recently was at 2 of my kids' trampolining club award afternoon where the coach was making a speech and a toddler was being allowed to run around between the kids and not sitting with parents in spectator area. The kids found it funny so were giggling while the poor coach was trying to make a nice speech about the kids, she was clearly pissed off, fair enough! Again all attention on this toddler with the parents doing nothing to stop it and looking on at the toddler all gooey eyed!

Has anyone else noticed this trend?

You are certainly not being unreasonable. I despair at the way some kids aren't checked these days. It's like their parents just can't be arsed, too busy looking at their phones 🙄

Thank you! I don't get annoyed or offended by kids being kids, I get annoyed at their parents ignoring or encouraging behaviour that negatively impacts others. How on earth are children meant to learn if they aren't taught?

And I've said before, I don't mean shouting, smacking, shaming them, I'm as gentle as they come, I can't stand shouting/derogatory language aimed at children and I think smacking should be illegal.

I'm talking about distracting, redirecting, modelling good behaviour by using manners yourself and teaching them things like sharing/turn taking via games/role play with their toys etc. I'm talking explaining when age appropriate, removing from a situation to ensure everyone is safe/ok, using a buggy/reins if they won't stop running towards cars or whatever.

Yes it's hard and it's constant but honestly, it's not exactly rocket science either. You can't just sit back and shrug and expect them to naturally grow out of it and a switch to flip at 5 and they'll suddenly know and understand everything about how to behave.

Nowhere has OP claimed she has perfect children. It’s also quite clear she’s not intolerant. She’s talking about the people who are not ‘raising’ their children.

There are definitely some parents who think this behaviour is cute.
we were in a restaurant last week and there was a toddler running round and round. Parents were actively encouraging him. However there were booths and he was hard to see coming. Poor staff having to jump around him.
If your child is doing that, get up with him. Or take him outside to the wide pathway and run him up and down for a bit. Don’t sit eating your dinner hoping someone doesn’t drop a load of glass on him.

In our local park there’s a baby/toddler, children and teens play areas. Teens section was actually full of kids about 10-12 and people with toddlers. Who couldn’t reach anything and would get pushed and kicked and parents screaming at older children for going anywhere near their toddler on equipment that’s dangerous for them.
Im sure they think it’s a sign their children are advanced or something.

In a restaurant it's a bit different but I don't think there's an issue with kids being left to run wild in a playground

Lazy Parenting.

DS was terrible as a toddler, and when he was older, for running around, refusing to sit down etc. I was constantly chasing after him to stop him doing various things - it was commented on in toddler group that I never stopped. Well neither did DS.

Turned out in our case DS was autistic.

I could never just sit and watch him cause chaos/risk hurting other children/risk hurting himself.

Loved it when this line was used on me, when their 4yo boy pushed my DS over and stood on him.

I’m a grandmother who had two children and cared for two grandchildren pre school. I’ve seen the deterioration of parenting get gradually worse over the years. I’ve seen a mum stand and watch as her toddler jumped all over a bed of flowers in a park. Seen parents watching a child kick out at ducks everyone was feeding on the banks of a lake.
In a soft play place with grandchildren, youngest at the time was 18months in an area for under 3s. Older children constantly piling in, knocking little ones over. Parents, usually women, nattering away, or on their phones, completely oblivious. Dare say anything to the children and they are on you like cats. I spent time with my children and grandchildren, playing with them, watching them, not leaving them to their own devises to annoy or get in the way if others enjoyment.

It normal for toddlers to have tantrums. You are the first I’ve heard of that never did.
OP is not expecting toddlers to be well behaved—just upset that parents are not intervening to keep their child and others safe.

This is what upsets me most as a parent of teens. Older children and teens who are expected to give way for toddlers in an area not designed for them. Older kids/teens should be allowed to play in a way for their age group not worried about accidently hurting a toddler who shouldn't even be there. Parents of toddlers, one day your kids will be older kids/teens, will you be happy that their play is disrupted by toddlers? If my kids accidently hurt a toddler they would be heartbroken, don't put toddlers in this position. Older children/teens have rights to, it's not all about toddlers

Sassy🤢

autism isn't an excuse for shitty childrens behaviour, and more than being a toddler is.

i know every child is different, so you parent the child you have, but the trick to parenting kids with autism (and toddlers) is spending enough tim 1:1 with them to know when they're getting overwhelmed, and know when to redirect/distract and when to remove.

DS is autistic and i always had to supervise him, i couldn't let him just run amok, parenting him is and always has been a constant litany of verbal and physical input and guidance, the same as you OUGHT to be doing with your toddler. they might not always understand, but understanding isn't the key, DOING is.

You remove them from the sand they're eating, you redirect them from knocking over someone elses castle before they get to it, you remove them from the slide and teach taking turns and patience.. make a game of it.

you can't just ignore and smile and say 'oh they're just a child' you have to actually actively PARENT them.

@Wishingplenty you are simply wrong. You just have to be firm or distracting with a distressed toddler. If you explain to them simply why something isn’t possible, is dangerous, why they will get their turn, they usually understand and accept. But it takes effort and time.

I’m currently reading a book called Bad Therapy by Abigail Shrier and it made me think of this thread. It’s a controversial but refreshing read. She states that ‘we’ (I think she is referring to Gen X and elder Millennials) all thought our parents did a terrible job raising us as they didn’t consider our feelings enough and that lead to methods such as ‘gentle parenting’ where we all turned in to amateur therapists and constantly therapised our kids, rather then just telling them to pack it in when they were misbehaving.

I've been reading all the responses on this thread and it looks as though most of us agree that, in most cases, it is unreasonable to allow children to run amok without doing anything about it. Why, then, do so many parents allow this to happen?! Are we just not getting responses from parents who do?

If, say, 75% of people think that children should be kept under control in public spaces and taught how they should be behaving (sounds draconian but obviously it's a very loose description with lots of nuances) why then do the other 25% think that it's acceptable to let them run riot?

Are we just not getting responses from parents who do?

I would guess so. They are probably not spending their time reading websites about how to be a better parent.

But if it is 75/25 as you say then that is a massive amount of parents. Even 1% would be a lot if you count all the parents in Britain. So I guess are you asking what the percentage is that think it's fine? Or why a large proportion (which can still be a minority, I think 25% is a large proportion) think it's fine?

I would say that some of it will be differing standards between people - e.g. I might think it's perfectly fine for a child to climb up a slide if they are in nobody's way, but someone else might think it's terrible etiquette in case the slide gets dirty. Multiply by whatever amount of things that people have differing opinions on. Apparently my threshold for child volume is much lower than many people find acceptable :D

Some of it will be apathy/selfishness - they aren't considering anyone except for their own comfort.

Some will be "sun shines out of his arse" syndrome where their darling child can do no wrong.

Some are just exhausted/burnt out/struggling in some way and just can't stretch to dealing with that issue immediately.

Some people are scared to upset their children.

Agree with OP and many others on this thread. What’s also really frustrating is when you DO try to intervene and parent your child and then another parent basically tells you not to worry/bother, in front of your child.

For example, say my child snatches a toy from someone at toddler group, so I say he has to give the toy back and wait his turn, the other parent says ‘oh no don’t worry he can have the toy’ when actually no it’s not fine- I want him to learn that if he wants something that isn’t his, he has to ask and wait his turn, not just snatch!

I’ve definitely noticed some questionable parenting, but it’s not really my place to judge unless whatever’s going on is abusive or the child/other children aren’t safe. Some people just raise differently and it is what it is, it’s been going on since the beginning of time.

However, being able to focus solely on one child was definitely a consideration when we decided to be one and done.