The way some people let toddlers behave......

[Purpleturtle46]

I have own 3 kids in primary and secondly so still completely remember what the toddler stage was like but recently I have noticed on several occasions that people just let their toddlers run wild. Yesterday for example I was at a farm park with my youngest who has just turned 8 and the following are examples from just one day.

-DD in big sandpit quite focussed on building something and toddlers allowed on several occasions to come over and knock it down, no intervention from parents.

-huge slide from top of 3 story fort thing with big queue of kids at top, none can go down as toddler standing at bottom. Mum comes and removes toddler after a while and process repeats itself several more times.

-lots of sunken trampolines in ground, one child per trampoline. DD waits patiently to have a go, toddler then gets on with her. Parents seem to find this cute, DD gives up and just gets off.

-a throw a hoop over the witches hat game. Toddler running in-between the hats so DD has to wait until toddler is removed after some half hearted attempts to shout across from the picnic bench Dad is sitting at.

-older baby crawling around the middle of the floor in a cafe, waiter carrying 2 huge plates of food nearly trips over them.

And that's just one day. Obviously it's not the fault of the toddlers but when my kids (3 under 4 so not easy) were that age I constantly had to talk to them about turn taking etc. Yeah of course it's hard work but that's how they they learn. Just getting fed up of older children being expected to tolerate this behaviour and parents finding it funny and cute! I suspect my DD is probably mildly autistic and although she coped ok with all this I could tell it was frustrating her as she always waits her turn, I'm sure that would be annoying for any child. I am always torn between showing my kids a balance of being tolerant but also standing up for yourself and not being a people pleaser which I probably am guilty of.

The worst one I saw recently was at 2 of my kids' trampolining club award afternoon where the coach was making a speech and a toddler was being allowed to run around between the kids and not sitting with parents in spectator area. The kids found it funny so were giggling while the poor coach was trying to make a nice speech about the kids, she was clearly pissed off, fair enough! Again all attention on this toddler with the parents doing nothing to stop it and looking on at the toddler all gooey eyed!

Has anyone else noticed this trend?

WE ALL KNOW THIS.

It still doesn't excuse lazy, hands off parenting.

My kid IS a toddler and you have to accept the screams and tantrums. Yeah you'll get judgement for that too but that's motherhood, you can't just let the to whatever they want even if they do scream.

I try not to be too judgy. It's so easy when you have well behaved children. My first child was easy, did as she was told didn't really have tantrums. The 2nd is hard work, is 6 but has always been a hectic child, impulsive ect. I always correct behaviour and watch him like a hawk because he can be impulsive. Its not really enjoyable going to soft play ect as I can't be the mum drinking coffee as I need to keep an eye. I do agree it is frustrating when parents ignore these problems and some just say it's boys being boys ect but then I wonder maybe if this is the odd day when they have just had enough of telling their child 6 times to do something. Perhaps they would appreciate you telling their child, some kids listen more to another adult. I saw a lady at the park the other day she had two young kids running in diff directions then the older one was being manic with the little one she looked frazzled and worn out. She could have put them in front of the TV but she took them to the park for fresh air. So Instead of glaring like some judgy parents I stuck up a conversation with her. Sometimes people are struggling.

My toddler can be wild and I absolutely wouldn’t entertain any of this behaviour

DH is a teacher and there are a lot of parents like this.

God help when those kids start going off into the workplace and find out what real life is like

Just be mindful that some children have hidden disabilities like autism and you will not know that child's situation when you judge them in public. You may have thought she was 6/7, but she could also have been much younger. Violent meltdowns are also common in autistic children. My son is 4, but he is autistic and wears age 7-8 clothes.

I agree with this. The toddlers were moved, just because it wasn't as quick as you thought it ought to be it doesn't make them bad parents.

It's really hard and exhausting going out with toddlers. And yes I don't agree with letting them run riot and spoil other people's experiences - the speech one clearly needed intervention - but a lot of the other stuff is just standard toddler behaviour.

We went to a family chain pub yesterday for lunch. The food took ages to come out, way longer than it should have. By the time it arrived dd had got herself totally worked up, was tired, bored and needed a nap really. I'd taken books and drawing and even given her my phone (another contentious issue) to keep her quiet but she did make a bit of noise (not full on screaming and tantrummung just loud whinging). I'm sure people were looking and judging but what could I do other than wolf down my meal as quick as possible and get out of there?

You've had kids. You say you remember what it's like. So have a little empathy and less judgement. Of course parents need to parent their kids and step in when necessary, nobody would dispute that. But sometimes they are in difficult situations with a toddler who can't be reasoned with and the last thing they need is other people judging.

Oh my, your 2nd paragraph really resonates with me.

I am a primary teacher, have my own three kids, and I am very aware of developmental stages and how challenging their behaviour can be at times.

The difference in behaviour in my classes over the past 5 years is remarkable. Children just don’t think any rules apply to them.

I am not a dragon: I am good with kids, they like me, I have good behaviour management. We talk about what the rules are and why we have them. But this year has got me contemplating resignation. There used to be a challenging minority (and it is an inner city, high SEN, high EAL, high pupil premium school), but now it feels like it has tipped into the majority.

I feel for them: there are no rules, no expectations at home; if they don’t want to do something, no one ever makes them. And then they come to school.

I don’t know what the answer is. No one is trying to force ‘rigid compliance’, which I have heard people say. But everyone can’t talk at once, you can’t push kids out the way to get what you want, you should not talk over an adult giving instructions that might be keeping you safe. And how will these children function in the ‘real world’?

Workplaces like their employees to get their work done, turn up on time, speak to their colleagues respectfully.

I am sooooooooooo tired, and depressed to think I will be another teacher leaving the profession.

Yes toddlers will have tantrums. That is normal but it is still up to parents to remove then from things.

I was an amazing toddler and child and a nightmare teen. How do you explain that one.

I know lots of others with the same expedience.

Development is not linear at all.

Also, being a well behaved toddler is not down for parenting. Some toddlers just tantrum. They have to grow out of it and nothing you do or say actually helps there. Yes, it should not inconvenience others and you should still be parenting them, but I don't think it makes much difference. They just mature and grow up.

Some kids are just calmer and listen better from a very young age, it's their nature. Others are more strong willed end not well behaved until they develop emotionally.

That's my take on it.

Sometimes the parents are taking longer to notice and respond, I find, due to them being distracted by their phones.

One similar example is at swimming lessons where each parent agrees to watch their child in the lesson to help teacher not miss drowning child.. Over twenty percent of parents sit there scrolling!!!

Hard agree.

And parents of 6yos are absolutely fine to be sitting on their phones at soft play. The whole point is to let the kids play without adults overly involving themselves.

Probably should've made the 6yo apologise, although if the 2yo was blocking the slide in the big kids area I'd be restraining an eye roll.

I have taught children who don't have a diagnosis, nor show any signs of having any kind of neurodiversity, who hit and scream at their parents. Sometimes the parents laugh 🤔

I do agree however that it is important to withhold judgement in a situation where you don't know the child.

I feel like I’m in the minority at times. When my sons teacher told me he had to be told off for some behaviour, he lost all his privileges that evening, had to apologise to his teacher in the morning and if his behaviour the next day wasn’t excellent (not average but excellent) he was loosing his privileges that evening too. The teacher seemed very confused 😂

Yep, although it's probably (a very loud and rowdy) minority. Off the top of my head, I recall:

Toddlers running around in supermarkets (mine was always in the trolley or her buggy until she was old enough to be trusted to walk sensibly). It's a busy environment and someone's going to get hurt or lost. Parents oblivious.

Waiting outside primary school for the gates to open at pick-up - toddlers climbing on and yanking at the gates to be let in. Parents busy chatting.

Toddlers allowed to scoot way too fast and too far away from their parents - parents not bothered.

One time my daughter was on one of those coin operated rides - toddler runs over, grabs at it and tries to climb in whilst it's moving. Parents take a photo and think it's cute.

Sorry off topic but if they need parents to watch to prevent drowning then they are doing the lessons wrong

I have twin 4 year olds. At no age would they be allowed to KEEP standing in front of a slide, get on someone else's trampoline etc. And yes, they've yelled when been told to move and then removed because they won't. My aim on life isn't for my toddler to never be upset. It's to keep them safe and raise decent children.

Seems to be some confusion on this thread between condemning behaviour and managing it. Of course toddlers don't know better and some of it is developmentally appropriate/natural. So you don't blame them, but as a parent, you have to be the mediator between them and the world, and keep them and other people safe from the consequences of what they don't know.

It is hard in the UK sometimes because kids are judged so harshly just for existing in public places compared to other countries I've travelled and lived in. Sometimes it feels like you'll get scowled at whatever you do. But the result of that seems to be that there are these supposedly "kid friendly" places where some parents have the idea their kids can literally run wild. No, it's still a public place and you still have to parent!

I agree with you and I think this is probably the more measured response on this thread.

Some toddlers act that way, not all of them. Just like some teenagers act mardy, not all of them. It’s used as an excuse by some ( not all ) parents to abdicate responsibility. Parenting requires effort ALL the time and it seems to me there are plenty of parents who think that taking their DC to a public setting means the pressure is off them and they can just drink coffee and stare at their phones. No. You’re NEVER off duty.

Of course toddlers act like toddlers.
Of course they are likely to not know about safety.
That's why parents are there.
Things happen. They can't be watched every second but if they are affecting other people or it's a repeat action then move them away. If they have a tantrum and you don't move them because they're having a tantrum what are they learning?

They are not annoyed at the toddler, they are at the parents!
Yes normal for the toddler to stand in front if the slide but the parents is supposed to move them straightaway.

@Wishingplenty its not bullshit and nonsense.
Ive just said I wouldn’t allow this, and I wouldn’t.

What people are getting at is they won’t just sit there ignoring it or sipping coffee or on phones like SOME people do. Like the OPs examples.

Doesn’t mean nobody understands child development, or their own child and their behaviours or have “forgotten”.

Mine is 2 and feral I’m right here living it.

If he screams and shouts when we go round aldi I take him to the walking path outside.

If he tries to steal toys off others, I give it back and explain how we share / take turns / don’t snatch etc.

I am also VERY understanding. If I see a parent struggling I will help, any day, any time.

If it’s one of these lazy feckers deliberately ignoring it that’s a different issue

@Cookieland I don't agree with that personally. I would back up the teacher by talking to my child and making sure they understood but I wouldn't take privileges away at home unless it was a serious and ongoing issue. Kids need a fresh start at home and a place to emotionally recuperate and try again better the next day at school. I think there's a balance to be found there. I see a lot of parents on the internet saying they're "not that parent" because when the school gives a punishment they pile on more punishments at home but I think it can be a real mistake. Depending on the kid of course.

Exactly

OP, I completely agree with you.