The way some people let toddlers behave......

[Purpleturtle46]

I have own 3 kids in primary and secondly so still completely remember what the toddler stage was like but recently I have noticed on several occasions that people just let their toddlers run wild. Yesterday for example I was at a farm park with my youngest who has just turned 8 and the following are examples from just one day.

-DD in big sandpit quite focussed on building something and toddlers allowed on several occasions to come over and knock it down, no intervention from parents.

-huge slide from top of 3 story fort thing with big queue of kids at top, none can go down as toddler standing at bottom. Mum comes and removes toddler after a while and process repeats itself several more times.

-lots of sunken trampolines in ground, one child per trampoline. DD waits patiently to have a go, toddler then gets on with her. Parents seem to find this cute, DD gives up and just gets off.

-a throw a hoop over the witches hat game. Toddler running in-between the hats so DD has to wait until toddler is removed after some half hearted attempts to shout across from the picnic bench Dad is sitting at.

-older baby crawling around the middle of the floor in a cafe, waiter carrying 2 huge plates of food nearly trips over them.

And that's just one day. Obviously it's not the fault of the toddlers but when my kids (3 under 4 so not easy) were that age I constantly had to talk to them about turn taking etc. Yeah of course it's hard work but that's how they they learn. Just getting fed up of older children being expected to tolerate this behaviour and parents finding it funny and cute! I suspect my DD is probably mildly autistic and although she coped ok with all this I could tell it was frustrating her as she always waits her turn, I'm sure that would be annoying for any child. I am always torn between showing my kids a balance of being tolerant but also standing up for yourself and not being a people pleaser which I probably am guilty of.

The worst one I saw recently was at 2 of my kids' trampolining club award afternoon where the coach was making a speech and a toddler was being allowed to run around between the kids and not sitting with parents in spectator area. The kids found it funny so were giggling while the poor coach was trying to make a nice speech about the kids, she was clearly pissed off, fair enough! Again all attention on this toddler with the parents doing nothing to stop it and looking on at the toddler all gooey eyed!

Has anyone else noticed this trend?

Personally I'd be saying something to either the child (who will be old enough to understand what I'm saying) or the parents in every instance, particularly the trampoline one. I'd say that only 1 child is allowed per trampoline so can they please get off & wait their turn. It's not difficult

I vividly remember the toddler stage - DD (autistic) was what would be called ‘spirited’. There were quite a few days when we had to ‘rugby ball’ (pick her up, tuck her sideways under your arm) her out of places / away from places. It was exhausting and embarrassing. But I always stood firm with her - she got better over time but those years between 2 and about 3 1/2 were exhausting and felt never ending.

however, there are some parents who just don’t do this - I’ve worked with younger school age children who genuinely don’t get that, when an adult tells them no / stop / don’t touch etc that the expectation is that they do as they are told. Not that it’s bad behaviour as such, but they have never had the expectation, before school, that they can’t do what the hell they like. They are genuinely confused. The parents, when spoken to about behaviour, tend to look helpless, like ‘how should I be expected to do anything about it?!?’

i think we should have more access to parenting courses and health visitor support / the old sure start centres, because behaviour management doesn’t come naturally to all parents.

Op, I'm an early years teacher too and it's shocking when you tell a parent that little Johnny was kicking other children, and the parents reply with 'but he's only 5/he doesnt understand/someone must have told him to/he's just copying little Jimmy/he was only playing!'- or worse, when the parents laugh like its cute! Obviously Johnny has been doing whatever he has wanted since he was a toddler. Parents need to start communicating a certain expectation in toddlerhood that naturally carries along as the child gets older, even if their understanding is limited to begin with.

Oh I hate this. I've been selected for this role before. Leave me out of it.

I won't go to play centres with my youngest anymore. Too stressful.

Shouldn't they have intervened earlier?

All these parents trying to justify their toddler's behaviour, it is completely a understanding issue and at that age you do need to watch them constantly to make sure they aren't hurting themselves or for example repeated knocking down someone's sandcastle.

You just say no and remove them.

OP unfortunately they are some shite parents out there and you just need to tell off or move other people's children sometimes.

Yep, and our poor kids have to share a classroom with these children who've never known proper boundaries.

We have an almost three year old, she isn’t allowed to sit or even be too close to the bottom of a slide, walk in front of swings, snatch things from others, run off, get out of her seat when we’re eating out etc. If she does she is punished in an age appropriate way, so returned to seat, removed from slide area etc, if it carries on we leave. Having basic rules to keep a child and others around them safe isn’t smug, its the bare minimum that ever parent should be doing.

Sadly too many parents are too lazy and entitled to actually parent their children, and see it as their god given right to allow their child to be an inconvenience and danger to others.

And the amount of teaching time wasted on sorting out the behaviour of children who are basically allowed to run wild at home 'because kidsss'.

Nope I remember the toddler stage well. It's hard work and you cannot take your eyes off them for a second.
I remember having to hold them tight on my lap during assemblies with them squirming and trying to get off.
I remember having to pick them up screaming, kicking and biting me when being told no, you it is not your turn, you have to wait.
I remember getting down low and looking them straight in the face and saying no, you don't destroy other people's sandcastles, and then remove them from sandpit.
I remember it all very very well. Toddlers are toddlers, they do as they want, but as parents it is our job to teach them the rules of society.
Parents are so scared to tell their dc off these days, and expect everyone else to think they are adorable.

She wants little soldiers and judging my MN in general, people just love to stick it to other parents and look down at them from their high horses. What can you do. I see children behaving this way, of all ages. 95 percent of the time, the parents intervene. 5 percent of the time, the parents didn't notice because they were distracted. Give other humans some grace people! Young or old. Life is hard.

Nah, my toddlers were guided and disciplined appropriately for their age. Not left to run feral.

YOU are the kind of permissive parent we are talking about here.

The trouble with soft play (and outdoor playgrounds) is so often that parents who are supposed to be supervising, are glued to their phones.

I once took a toddler Gdd to some singalong/stay and play thing, where phones were banned. I don’t suppose any soft play would have the guts to do the same, though, for fear of parents staying away in droves.

Indeed.
Don't get me wrong, I realise some kids struggle to settle because of other diagnoses/issues, but it is just lack of clear boundaries for many.

Nobody wants 'little soldiers' but equally nobody wants out of control toddlers/children. Stop excusing lazy parenting.

😆 I think some have given away their parenting style

we know what toddles are like and that is why it is for the parent/parents to manage their children

you can’t reason with a toddler when they are having a tantrum, they don’t understand dangers or social expectations that is for parents to guide them so when they able to they learn

all parents of toddlers have had to deal with tantrums at times it’s part of parenting and none of us get it right all the time but some parents just lazy or just do not consider others at all

In the nicest possible way, when your 2 year old is 6 and you take them to soft play, you will not be watching their every move. You will be on your phone and enjoying your hot coffee in peace, I promise you. I'm not saying she shouldn't have been more aware and dealt with the issue when it arose, but you don't follow a 6+year-old around soft play correcting their behaviours.

I agree with OP on some of these (the café thing in particular is shockingly unsafe), but with the slide and the witches hat game I think you're being a little unfair. The parents did intervene and remove their child in those instances, and your only annoyance is that it wasn't instant. But I tend to think you might have been more tolerant of those if it hadn't been for the other incidents compounding the frustration.

Yes I had a mum watching her 3 year old girl grab blocks that a baby had its hands on top of to stabilise itself and then pulling the blocks from under the baby. The mum did nothing. Awful parenting.

There's another thread on here about how hard it is to be a teacher these days and no wonder it's hard to recruit. Obviously work load and conditions have something to do with that, but from seeing the appalling behaviour from toddlers and kids out and about these days, I really wonder who on earth would want to spend their working day wrangling that bunch of little shits. And how on earth is a kid supposed to learn if they (and all the kids around them) are running riot?
Whatever happened to watching your kid properly whatever the age, reins for toddlers to keep them safe, proper discipline and table manners?

100% toddlers can be hard and parents should be given compassion. I would never judge a parent who has multiple kids and is dealing with an emergency over there while the little one gets in the way somewhere else. I've been in that situation and tried to gently distract the wandering toddler and keep them close. I also don't judge parents clutching a wriggling, screaming child as they cart them out of the supermarket or park. I also give a lot of grace when parents are trapped in a situation ie a plane or train where they cannot remove them from the situation.

However, its when parents are standing on their phones paying no attention that I get annoyed at. Its developmentally normal for a child not to have empathy and to grab something they want i.e. push in or push a child off a ride on toy hurting them in the process. Once is a mistake, it happens suddenly but multiple times, you know your kid has this tendency and you aren't on it then yeh you deserve to be judged. Its exhausting, people dont have much support but it doesn't mean you can let your child hurt or ruin things for others.

What a bizarre attitude. People are not ignorant of child development.
Yes I toddler is going to want to stand at the bottom of the slide, and sun in front of a swing and jump on a trampoline already occupied. Of course they are. Luckily most have a parent with them, who rather than staring at their phone or chatting should be following the toddler round or watching them all the time.
If sorry if that’s too much hassle for some people but that’s decent parenting.
Not so long ago I had twin toddlers and a 4 year old to deal with daily and we went to 100’s of parks and days out. It’s no excuse. You find a way to deal with it using a buggy, take someone else or go to a very small park with no one else there.
I feel sorry for the kids because parents like this give 0 boundaries which creates huge problems later in life and stunts life chances.

I think you can’t judge if you don’t know the circumstances behind the behaviour

Absolutely. Early years professionals can generally (usually!) see the difference between children who have additional issues beyond their control, and those who just get to do whatever they want.

Perhaps I was going to very different farm parks when my two were small, but I'd say that toddlers is absolutely the key demographic of all the ones local-ish to me.
I'd say that a lot of toddlers, doing toddler-ish things, is pretty much par for the course at a farm park.
My almost-8yo B/G twins would have zero interest in going to a farm park these days. It probably trailed off, interest-wise, at about age 5.

I'm an early years teacher by training, so was fairly strict with my 2 at that age, but I saw toddlers (and parents!) do some pretty bonkers stuff. I think it's pretty normal.

Yes, the kids doing bat-shit things draw our attention BECAUSE they are behaving against the norms. But I bet if you really thought about it, for every toddler and parent getting it wrong, there were 20 kids/parents being entirely "normal". The same for any other child out and about. For every one kid slapping their mum in the supermarket, there are 20 kids NOT slapping their mothers and creating a scene.

The socially abnormal draws attention. The compliant doesn't.

When you don't discipline your toddler they eventually become teenagers who are always getting into trouble and always in detention. Then the parents argue that the kids are in detention 🙄 it's not cute anymore in the teenage years. Then they turn into the kids who don't get the college placement they really wanted because of their behaviour. My kid have grown up with kids and parents who behave this way from toddlerhood. They are basically failing them for the teenage years from day 1.