The way some people let toddlers behave......

[Purpleturtle46]

I have own 3 kids in primary and secondly so still completely remember what the toddler stage was like but recently I have noticed on several occasions that people just let their toddlers run wild. Yesterday for example I was at a farm park with my youngest who has just turned 8 and the following are examples from just one day.

-DD in big sandpit quite focussed on building something and toddlers allowed on several occasions to come over and knock it down, no intervention from parents.

-huge slide from top of 3 story fort thing with big queue of kids at top, none can go down as toddler standing at bottom. Mum comes and removes toddler after a while and process repeats itself several more times.

-lots of sunken trampolines in ground, one child per trampoline. DD waits patiently to have a go, toddler then gets on with her. Parents seem to find this cute, DD gives up and just gets off.

-a throw a hoop over the witches hat game. Toddler running in-between the hats so DD has to wait until toddler is removed after some half hearted attempts to shout across from the picnic bench Dad is sitting at.

-older baby crawling around the middle of the floor in a cafe, waiter carrying 2 huge plates of food nearly trips over them.

And that's just one day. Obviously it's not the fault of the toddlers but when my kids (3 under 4 so not easy) were that age I constantly had to talk to them about turn taking etc. Yeah of course it's hard work but that's how they they learn. Just getting fed up of older children being expected to tolerate this behaviour and parents finding it funny and cute! I suspect my DD is probably mildly autistic and although she coped ok with all this I could tell it was frustrating her as she always waits her turn, I'm sure that would be annoying for any child. I am always torn between showing my kids a balance of being tolerant but also standing up for yourself and not being a people pleaser which I probably am guilty of.

The worst one I saw recently was at 2 of my kids' trampolining club award afternoon where the coach was making a speech and a toddler was being allowed to run around between the kids and not sitting with parents in spectator area. The kids found it funny so were giggling while the poor coach was trying to make a nice speech about the kids, she was clearly pissed off, fair enough! Again all attention on this toddler with the parents doing nothing to stop it and looking on at the toddler all gooey eyed!

Has anyone else noticed this trend?

I agree with you. People think that children have the mind of grown up adults and can do what they want because “that’s what they want to do”. When my DD (now 12) was younger, I would follow her everywhere - and when I was out with friends with toddlers, they would follow them around to make sure they were not being a nuisance but also, to make sure that they were safe.

I was in a play pen with my 6 month old - we picked a quiet corner as I know the older toddlers would want to run around. I’m shielding my baby and making sure that the toddlers are not roughhouse or anything. Out of all of the parents that were there (let’s say there were 6) - only 1 dad told his son to be careful and that there is a baby. Of course I moved my baby as toddlers can be rough. But I was surprised at the parents that watched their toddlers almost run into a newborn - one toddler even pulled my hair!

I know plenty of great parents who has a child who has been awful in public on an “off day”

do they have boundaries/consequences/rules/expectations? Absolutely!

are they still an awful parent if their child still isn’t doing what they should at that moment? No. No child behaves every minute of every day - it’s in their nature to push boundaries. It’s literally how they learn to behave

What a load of bollocks. I can tell you unequivocally that I did not let my children run riot in public places, and I'm including toddlers in that. Of course I had times when I had to jackknife a tantrumming small child into a buggy to remove them from a situation but I certainly didn't just sit looking on benignly looking on while they caused havoc. Having small children is hard work when you bring them up properly. Would be far easier to let them go feral and do whatever the fuck they want while sitting gawping at your phone but that's not how it works.

And can I add to this the parents that let their toddlers or babies cry it out in public places. A hungry baby on a bus for example is fine. An autistic child screeching is fine. But as an example, com8ng out from work with a migraine and small child wants to get out of buggy. Mum says no. Child cries, then sobs their heart out all of my bus journey because, as her mum says, she has to learn. Yes but do it at home and at least talk to her on the bus.

@zeitweilig @Yourethebeerthief “the lady will tell you off” is my absolute pet peeve 🙄🙄 I’m a retail store manager and frequently get “that lady will tell you off” or “that lady will throw you out”. It’s very annoying! I will do neither. I will however, intervene if your child is going to get hurt in my store messing around while you’re not parenting 🙃

I had a full argument with a customer one day because she kept telling her child that I was going to call the police on him if he didn’t behave and the police would “take him away from his mummy forever” 🙄 so much sheer stupidity in one sentence!

Yes, you do find that loud mouths in society who think they can do no wrong and should never be judge usually have lots of self esteem.

A bit less self esteem and a bit more fear of being judged by the rest of society makes for a happier society and quite frankly if that means Tommy Thug's self esteem suffers then who gives a shit?

Well, you do clearly but then maybe you and yours run with that pack and don't want the situation to change.

Oh dear.

It’s a common phenomenon that people are actually the most judgemental about the phase they have just emerged from. So young professionals in their mid 20s find students most annoying etc.

@JaneEyreLaughing You can't call yourself decent, but want disabled children to be publicly laughed at. Basically you want the institutions opened again.
If we are going to ignore any excuse making for a set of behaviours, sex offenders, pedophiles, those who view child abuse images, domestic abusers etc is the start. Brand the fuckers so all these Claire laws etc aren't needed.

If they scream you pick them up and remove them from the area if distraction doesn’t work. I had to do this a good few times. I sat in the car with my 3 year old who I removed from a family meal in a restaurant. If mine kicked off, they were taken out. They learned quickly.

But I played with them before and after the meal, or DH did. We did not expect them to sit for hours or ignore them.

The parents are there doing bugger all. Why?

It's not always possible to move my child and its not the appropriate response. She is not the problem. She is not being moved. If parents are idly watching their kids be a nuisance and can see their little darling being a pain and doing nothing then they already know what's going on and want to tolerate it. They are failing to help their child navigate the world. The world doesn't revolve around their child and their child comes to no harm from me asking them to stop doing something or to please move away from the bottom of a slide. Let's not pretend it's anything more than that.

It doesn’t make for a happier society.

It makes for happiness for those who feel the right to judge

I’m not saying there shouldn’t be consequences for unfavourable actions but whose is the right to dish them out?

Shame literally just makes the problem worse - if you take the time to read any literature about it there is a lot of proof that shame doesn’t make a better society, for example making crime rates worse. And massively making reoffending worse.

Sure, but those absent fathers are lazy and ignorant by definition. Possibly because they were themselves dragged up or left to rot by their own lazy ignorant parents.

Whatever, it shouldn't be mine or the OP's problem. Trying to raise a respectful happy child and spend quality time with them is hard enough, without having to try and remember the script/way to deal with a shit parent.

Yes, unfortunately, this is a true and common observation. I remember the days of trying my best and feeling I was being stared down (may just have been my tired perception) and whilst my daughter has been quite calm all along and so I understand there are some really boisterous children, I do feel it goes too far. With some parents, it’s ignorance, with others it’s entitlement. I would really like to see a happy medium of children being children but also integrated with society, not anti social.

This puts it more firmly than I did, but I agree.

As a parent you have to get off your bum and actually parent. And yes, you grapple them into the buggy if needed and march off. You take them home from the park/soft play if they can’t behave.

But - you also don’t do mad things like take them out when you KNOW they will find it hard because they’re tired or hungry, for example.

Oh the irony in this post is simply joyous to behold!

What a strange leap.
Of course, taking things to extreme is often the sign of poor comprehension or an excitable personality.

1. My child would not have taken tour cholds toy.
2. My child would have been parented and told to put it back.

Your child did nothing wrong. You child had a toy snatched. You were there.

If your child had done that to mine, I would never tell them they are naughty, I would ask your child to please put it back because my child wasn't finished with it. I would expect you to be there supervising.

I don't understand why you've quoted me because in your scenario, no child was left alone.

Disagree. I have a toddler. It's the same at the baby group I go to. The leader has to constantly guide the parents as they don't take the lead in instructing their children

No, some parents DO discipline toddlers, and some toddlers are easier than others.

We are not all the same.

I can only remember my son having a meltdown twice - once when he had to leave a toy shop and once having his hair cut. Both dealt with in a way that made it clear he was not going to behave like that again.

And he certainly wasn't allowed to run around getting in people's way.

OP i tell you what i honestly think.
Be careful about judging other kids and parents, specially if your children are listening.
I know someone who did this constantly. She is a mum who constantly interacted with her kids in the way other can hear her: "this girl should have let you go first" " we don't do this in our family" etc. when some other kids are doing the wrong thing and parents not correcting. She was also very smug about her parenting.

We have our kids the same age. Small gap between the three of them both for her and me. I frankly did struggled at the toddler stage and didnt bring my children to certain places while they were todlers because I found it really difficult. She was all smug with me how her kids could sit still for hours and mine didnt. I brought mine for walks in the woods and stuff like that, thats all i could manage. I actually enjoyed that but felt quite bad with myself when she used to judge my kids and their running around.

They are now teens (both hers and mine).

How did they turn out? Her kids are very judgemental of other kids and even adults like teachers. They also can't figure out what they like, what type of thing they would like to do in the future. They are convinced other people always have lower standards. They spent a lot of time alone.

My children turned out good kids (in my opinion) in their teenage years, they are good at studying and doing sports. They are very focused in their exams. And most importantly they don't judge others, they are tolerant. I enjoy their company and we still do things together.

Parenting is our job, but be careful with what you say. All I think when I see a parent struggling in certain places ie. on a plane, is that I feel for them. I normally offer help and tell them I was there before and it will pass.

Absolute rot. We all remember what it's like. Some of us were clearly better at handling toddlers than others (and my second was an absolute horror as a toddler - nightmare child pushing every single boundary). Yes, they ARE like that at that age because they just act on impulse. But civilised society just doesn't allow poor toddler behaviour (and the poor handling of it by the parents) to trump the needs of everyone else - we are civilised human beings and we are that way because we have the process of socialisation. Part of that is teaching impulsive toddlers about how to act in a civilised, polite way that doesn't piss everyone around them off. It is NOT just a case of waiting for them to "grow out of it".

You need to brush up your parenting skills if you think the only way to stop a toddler something is to ask them not to do it. First you can try distracting them with doing something else instead. If they don't fall for that one, and refuse to come away when asked and told the reason WHY you are asking them (eg because other children have been waiting longer/they are in the way) then you TELL them to in a much firmer voice. If they still refuse and start to have a meltdown and throw them on the ground, if it's in a public area and they are causing a danger to others then you physically pick them up and carry them somewhere else where they aren't causing a danger/nuisance to others. I have done this in the past.

Many tantrums happen through overtiredness or hunger. Some parents seem to bring some tantrum situations on themselves for example, by insisting on taking their toddler to the supermarket at 8.30 pm at night for a big shop when most others their age would be at home either in bed or on the way to bed.

I don't know if it's skills that just aren't getting passed on through the generations or not but it's scary to see these toddlers growing up into young people who don't seem to know how to behave in eg cinemas, theatres, gigs, on flights.

Utter rubbish

Surely if it's a spectrum so some children are more severely affected than others?

I have a toddler and constantly watch him. Absolutely agree some parents absolutely useless just let their kids do anything without consideration of others. The shock to me is how badly behaved older children are due to the lack of manners and boundaries and learning about how to share space appropriately. What is happening to the world?