The way some people let toddlers behave......

[Purpleturtle46]

I have own 3 kids in primary and secondly so still completely remember what the toddler stage was like but recently I have noticed on several occasions that people just let their toddlers run wild. Yesterday for example I was at a farm park with my youngest who has just turned 8 and the following are examples from just one day.

-DD in big sandpit quite focussed on building something and toddlers allowed on several occasions to come over and knock it down, no intervention from parents.

-huge slide from top of 3 story fort thing with big queue of kids at top, none can go down as toddler standing at bottom. Mum comes and removes toddler after a while and process repeats itself several more times.

-lots of sunken trampolines in ground, one child per trampoline. DD waits patiently to have a go, toddler then gets on with her. Parents seem to find this cute, DD gives up and just gets off.

-a throw a hoop over the witches hat game. Toddler running in-between the hats so DD has to wait until toddler is removed after some half hearted attempts to shout across from the picnic bench Dad is sitting at.

-older baby crawling around the middle of the floor in a cafe, waiter carrying 2 huge plates of food nearly trips over them.

And that's just one day. Obviously it's not the fault of the toddlers but when my kids (3 under 4 so not easy) were that age I constantly had to talk to them about turn taking etc. Yeah of course it's hard work but that's how they they learn. Just getting fed up of older children being expected to tolerate this behaviour and parents finding it funny and cute! I suspect my DD is probably mildly autistic and although she coped ok with all this I could tell it was frustrating her as she always waits her turn, I'm sure that would be annoying for any child. I am always torn between showing my kids a balance of being tolerant but also standing up for yourself and not being a people pleaser which I probably am guilty of.

The worst one I saw recently was at 2 of my kids' trampolining club award afternoon where the coach was making a speech and a toddler was being allowed to run around between the kids and not sitting with parents in spectator area. The kids found it funny so were giggling while the poor coach was trying to make a nice speech about the kids, she was clearly pissed off, fair enough! Again all attention on this toddler with the parents doing nothing to stop it and looking on at the toddler all gooey eyed!

Has anyone else noticed this trend?

I agree! My 2yr old very much has boundaries and is well behaved generally but taking him out the other day he looked absolutely feral next to my friend’s toddler - chucking food around, screaming for toys, refusing to walk - obvs I took him outside, we calmed down and cleared up after ourselves but my god I felt awful!

I wonder if it's because many kids are in fulltime nursery so there is less time for a parent to practice and refine their parenting skills. They are seeing their kids at their worst in the evening when both child and parent are tired and just need to get their kids fed and to bed. I don't really blame them for not wanting to enforce boundaries then, perhaps parents don't have the energy, time, or heart to be firmer.

Nobody is suggesting that for a minute, you are completely missing the point! Of course it's natural for a toddler to explore, nobody is suggesting it isn't it that they should sit still and not touch anything 🙄.

Yes children can be taught patience however if an older child has patiently waited their turn for a shot on something and then a toddler walks straight on in front of them and the parents watch on it's their job to tell the toddler they have to be patient, that's how the older child who you expect to be patient learned that behaviour! Nobody is saying it's easy but that's how they learn to grow up to be patient and considerate!

My son is a keen skateboarder. The skateboarding scene is very welcoming of younger kids learning to skate etc but they are often stopped in their tracks by a toddler or older small child using the skatepark as a playground and the parents laughing or taking photos. If they were to carry on they could seriously hurt the child so they all just stand there waiting patiently and the parents seem to be oblivious.

You can imagine these parents' reaction if the older kids decided to play on the young kids' playground though!

I’m prepared to have myself ripped a new one here, but these are the toddlers whose parents will be trying to get an autism/ADHD diagnosis for in a few years from now.
The kids with an actual neurodivergence will have a longer wait and longer diagnosis and help because some parents can’t accept their part in their own kids behaviours.

I''m glad you've said that. I work in a primary school and know exactly what you mean.

I also hate the rhetoric on these threads of people assuming being badly behaved = autism... I know it's probably people trying to be understanding and I appreciate that, but on another level feel like from there it's an easy step towards assuming autism = badly behaved, when that just isn't the case for everyone. Many autistic kids are quiet and shy and struggle with other children who are rowdy, getting in their space, not following "the rules" which are, to them, actually really important because it gives them the structure they need to feel at ease.

Oh god. You sound like a barrel of laughs. Needless to say I'm sure your kids have their moments too.

Brilliant post. Excellent mum and great kids.

You can smell the kids of judgemental higher than though parents from a mile away... they often get a hard knock when they realise they're not as special and superior as their parents raised them to think they are.

You can still tell a toddler not to do something, and if they have a tantrum so what! It teaches them they can't have everything. Children need guidance and control, that's what's wrong with the world today, too many people think they can do what they like without any consequences, I bet your kids are a nightmare now if you let them run wild as toddlers!

This is why children are starting school with delayed social and other skills. Children need to be parented. This is part of a wider problem of people just not taking responsibility for anything any more.

Kids need to be taught boundaries, social skills etc. Too many parents just don’t do that or even real basics.

Loads of parents seem terrified to parent now. Or they can't be arsed.

And there are loads of people who make excuses for it.

So what if a kid has a tantrum? Having a tantrum and seeing where it gets them (or doesn't get them) is how they learn to regulate their responses and their behaviour.

You don’t sound smug to me, you sound like someone trying to raise well behaved, well socialised children, and trying hard to deal with a lot of inept parenting going on around you. The young children aren’t to blame, but woe betide those who don’t set reasonable boundaries and teach manners as early as possible. It’s this kind of parenting that can set back children’s growing years enormously, and it impinges on any child that has to share a classroom with them. By the time some are in early teens, they are statistics waiting to happen. Harsh….but true.

It's honestly shocking how many people on this thread think it's acceptable for toddlers to be tripping up waiters.

When I read the original post I thought it was just overly stressed/tired parents that had missed what their child was up to one time out of 400, but the amount of people defending it and saying it's normal is horrible.

No wonder your kids are growing up to be selfish bullies.

So many lousy parents in this thread.

That's fine at home, but not on a plane where other people can't escape you. And you can't control when it happens.

Too many people just allow kids to do what they want, its like this epidemic of soft, passive parenting by people who a) have forgotten they are in charge b) seem unaware that a 7 year old literally cannot force an adult to do anything c) it is ok if a child cries or is angry because they didn't get their way, and ok if you as the parent made them cry by saying no.

One day these words will come back to bite you.

It's amazing to me how these parents can be so unaware, taking photos of how cute it is that their toddler is ruining all the other kids fun?
I think social media has addled a lot of brains. They go through life looking through the filter of what photos they can get for their feed, rather than what is actually happening in the real world around them. They care more about how they come across on Instagram than how they come across to the people right in front of them. Seen it hundreds of times.

I think this is a big part of it, definitely.

@WestwardHo1 it's interesting though when you think of it like that, and then consider in the 50's kids were often outside from dawn till dusk without any 'parenting' (if you listen to my parents and grandparents anyway!) yet stereotypically you can't imagine them behaving like in the OP's examples. Now children are more supervised than they've ever been before, they basically have no autonomy, yet the perceived level of considerate behaviour etc is at an all time low.

Toddlers act that way because that is the stage they are at developmentally, they just need to grow out of it. Usually asking a toddler not to do something results in screams and tantrums.

Yep but they don't grow out of it if you try and avoid it. You pick them up screaming and move them off the foot of the slide, and they learn over time that the tantrum achieved nothing.

@Wishingplenty
No need to wonder what yours are like. A bloody nightmare.

I remember friends letting their toddler repeatedly run across in front of the (very low) stage during a Christmas show a few years ago whilst they smiled indulgently. The poor kids who were performing were so distracted, as was the audience.

In comparison, my dc came into my graduation when she was two a couple of minutes before I went up, and then sat on my lap for a couple more, but as she wouldn’t be quiet (naturally) I threw her back to dp to take outside again. It wouldn’t have been fair in anyone had I kept her in.

Some ridiculous comments here! Nobody has forgotten the ‘difficult toddler stage’, one of mine was a real handful but she was not allowed to behave like this! I can remember a few occasions where I had to abandon plans due to her behaviour and go back home, funnily enough she soon started getting the message that she could not push other kids out of the way and that her tantrums wouldn’t be tolerated! Kids need boundaries and this gentle parenting bollocks just makes people look like inconsiderate dicks! As an ex teacher I have had to deal with the repercussions of this at secondary school, kids thinking they can do exactly what they want and then parents wondering why their little darlings have no friends! It’s lazy and actually detrimental.