The way some people let toddlers behave......

[Purpleturtle46]

I have own 3 kids in primary and secondly so still completely remember what the toddler stage was like but recently I have noticed on several occasions that people just let their toddlers run wild. Yesterday for example I was at a farm park with my youngest who has just turned 8 and the following are examples from just one day.

-DD in big sandpit quite focussed on building something and toddlers allowed on several occasions to come over and knock it down, no intervention from parents.

-huge slide from top of 3 story fort thing with big queue of kids at top, none can go down as toddler standing at bottom. Mum comes and removes toddler after a while and process repeats itself several more times.

-lots of sunken trampolines in ground, one child per trampoline. DD waits patiently to have a go, toddler then gets on with her. Parents seem to find this cute, DD gives up and just gets off.

-a throw a hoop over the witches hat game. Toddler running in-between the hats so DD has to wait until toddler is removed after some half hearted attempts to shout across from the picnic bench Dad is sitting at.

-older baby crawling around the middle of the floor in a cafe, waiter carrying 2 huge plates of food nearly trips over them.

And that's just one day. Obviously it's not the fault of the toddlers but when my kids (3 under 4 so not easy) were that age I constantly had to talk to them about turn taking etc. Yeah of course it's hard work but that's how they they learn. Just getting fed up of older children being expected to tolerate this behaviour and parents finding it funny and cute! I suspect my DD is probably mildly autistic and although she coped ok with all this I could tell it was frustrating her as she always waits her turn, I'm sure that would be annoying for any child. I am always torn between showing my kids a balance of being tolerant but also standing up for yourself and not being a people pleaser which I probably am guilty of.

The worst one I saw recently was at 2 of my kids' trampolining club award afternoon where the coach was making a speech and a toddler was being allowed to run around between the kids and not sitting with parents in spectator area. The kids found it funny so were giggling while the poor coach was trying to make a nice speech about the kids, she was clearly pissed off, fair enough! Again all attention on this toddler with the parents doing nothing to stop it and looking on at the toddler all gooey eyed!

Has anyone else noticed this trend?

Even if they are developmentally incapable of behaving a certain way, the parents can still step in to ensure the toddler isn't inconveniencing or hurting others. I have a 2 year old and even though I know she won't "get" certain things yet, there's nothing wrong with explaining things anyway and practically showing her how you do behave in certain situations. If it goes over their head, who cares? You never know when they'll start understanding, and at least you're taking responsibility to ensure others aren't inconvenienced. It's better to over explain, discipline, demonstrate etc and risk over compensating, than doing nothing because "they don't understand".

I have noticed among my child's peers that the 2/3 year olds of more proactive parents are more aware and considerate than those who are just allowed to run feral. One mum of such a toddler I know amazes me because she often prompts her son with things like "Would you like to let X have a turn now?", and it's resulted in him independently and voluntarily offering toys to other children, out of habit!

Yeah, but no.

My DD got a First for her Fine Arts degree. She was always 'wonderfully creative'. But she also was taught to behave appropriately to the situation she was in. So, she was taught to sit nicely and have correct table manners in cafes etc. And she was taught that playgrounds and soft play were where she 'could cut loose and twirl.'

I don't know that I've seen many 'upper classes', they are a tiny proportion of the population and they probably don't frequent the local parks all that often - not in the areas I live in anyway!

Strange that you consider the dregs of society and middle class buffoons to be the majority of the population? To me they are fairly minor groups compared to the majority group of of "normal people".

So letting toddler get hit by a child zooming down a slide is ok? Because parents shouldn't physically remove them after explaining to them that they need to move?! Yes their toddler their learning their at that age but parents are still parents and expected to keep their children safe and also to teach them!

We’re in the toddler stages now. I hate toddler bashing threads, people forget what toddlers are like sometimes, but the examples you’ve given are completely out of order and demonstrate a complete lack of parenting. YANBU!!

I honestly dislike our strange British culture - so unlike the continent - where dogs are welcome everywhere but kids are treated as lesser mortals and nothing more than an encumbrance. Ill-behaved dogs appear to be greeted with indulgent smiles whilst children are vilified.

When I see the attitudes upthread and the appalling behaviour of some children, I do own to a certain amount of sympathy with that view. (Not about the dogs; the kids). But the difference is now markedly noticeable. Our local pub has a new landlord who immediately touted it as 'dog friendly' (It was always dog-friendly with dogs allowed into the bar area only). Their attitudes to children are evident by the fact that none of the local families now go near the place.

I've always liked dogs but am rapidly going off them, largely due to the stupid, anthropomorphic attitudes shown by a great many owners and an accompanying rise of badly-behaved, out-of-control dogs (coincidence)? This has all been much more in evidence since the COVID lockdowns.

Seems to me that since that time the world has become completely skewed.

Totally agree!

Yeah it’s called shit parenting

Used to work in a theatre. The staff dreaded the early years shows. Things like roping off the stairs when a performance was on the floor space because they knew the parents would let toddlers rampage up and down the steps through the performance and one would inevitably fall and the stairs edges were lethal. The parents would just move the barriers if their toddler wanted to get to the stairs, or go up and down the rows of seats banging them during the performance, and go mad if staff tried to intervene for the child's safety. Staff used to along with 'please turn off phones' have to say in the announcement please do not let your child wander onto the stage during the performance, climb up the performers, wander into the wings or trash the props. Because parents would just sit there and smile fondly as opposed to helping their child learn how to engage appropriately. Children don't parent themselves.

But I don't think people would judge in this situation? I certainly wouldn't. But some situations are beyond the pale.

In context, yes it absolutely is.

Lazy ignorant parents, no boundaries, no consequences, no consideration for other people and the idea that you can have whatever you want, whenever you want it, by whatever means you choose.

That's exactly the pathway.

Absolute bollocks.
My child was never allowed to disrupt anyone else’s social experience, ever.
They got removed / picked up / distracted / told off as appropriate and learned very quickly where boundaries were.

Not just toddlers, my eldest DD is in year 4 and some of her classmates are still behaving like much younger children, hitting and tantrums etc. Parents do nothing, or half arsedly make some weak comment but no actual consequence for bad behaviour. It’s shocking.

My eldest (now 39 and a manager in SC) used to hit me until about 9. She has ADHD. We had to medicate through high school, but even so she had to go into alternative provision. I could have battered her back, so she eventually felt scared enough to stop. Other than that, if I had to shop, she had to come. You don't necessarily know what you are seeing.
However, I agree that parenting does seem to gave got lax. There's times that primary aged children and toddlers don't get given a choice and get told what they can and can't do (SEN aside). I will gently tell other people's children to move, not hit etc. Why anyone would stand and allow a child to hold up a slide, I don't know.

Part of the issue is now taking young children everywhere and a lack of adult focused dining. Luckily there's still pubs that people wouldn't take children into. My DP made a comment to me when I said I'd see if my GC wanted to go out that day. But when we were their age we were out playing, so wasn't taken anywhere we didn't want to be. Older people in the 90's couldn't quite grasp why children were suddenly everywhere. We couldn't leave them, like they could.

Give over.
My child is 2.5 years old so I am VERY much in the toddler parent camp.
My child does not, draw up walls-anywhere, run round restaurants getting in the way, push in on play equipment etc. If she tantrums because she's told no, so be it. However, usually if I see her heading in the direction of doing something socially inappropriate, she gets told no and she understands because I watch her and I parent her.
What drives me batshit is when I'm trying to teach her sharing, taking turns, waiting etc and other children her own age or older do exactly what I'm teaching her not to. And then their parents if they're even around, spout nonsense like you just have.
If you can't control your children at that age, that's on you, it's not smugness from those of us who can.

They really don't 'just grow out of it' all by themselves while parents observe and wait, they are helped by parents to learn how to handle situations appropriately. And yes, initially, a toddler will scream and wobble when encountering an unwanted boundary, and through parenting learn the resilience and self regulation to know they can't do exactly what they want all the time regardless of danger/other people's needs etc.

Yes, it's no fun dealing with a screaming, thrashing toddler who is displeased with the word 'no' and is swearing at you in toddler language. It's like nappies, it's a grotty stage you work through.

Ah yes because shame and judgement are famously effective in lifting self esteem, thus engaging people in positive behaviour. Doesn’t contribute towards any sort of bias or discrimination at all. Children growing up around shame are incredibly well adjusted through life.

honestly thought your long post was a joke 😂

I tell them off. I have no qualms. Their parents hate it but I don't care.

😂😂😂This is madness! Utterly hilarious. A perfect thread to reflect the British attitude towards children, which I've tried to explain to my friends over here and was always thought to be exaggerating. Going to send this to them this thread as proof that it's as insane as I say 😂😂

It’s the not behaviour people get frustrated with. It’s the lack of parenting from the parents.

It was like that 20 years ago when my son was a toddler too. I don’t understand why people just let their kids be complete arseholes …I always have to remind myself that some of these toddlers grew up to be the same arseholes their parents allowed them to be. I’m not for micromanaging children but I don’t understand why a parent wouldn't step in and say that’s unkind, how would you feel if someone did that to you… you know, teach empathy etc …don’t kick the pigeons, don’t jump on his sand castle etc it genuinley brought me to tears a few times when I was a mum of a toddler …. I still can’t get past just how many people in this world as adults will happily and often purposely ‘stomp on your sand castle, grab your toy from you and push you of the trampoline’ people can be brutal and I guess those brutal people gave children too.

I also have no qualms with children learning boundaries and having consequences to their behaviour. But I hate a thread that turns into a feee for all for people bashing toddlers/parents/anyone whose child has once misbehaved in public.

The biggest determinant in whether children become involved in knife crime is actually absent fathers.

It’s exactly that! Of course toddlers are going to be toddlers but there is a point where a parent needs to parent and teach empathy and kindness etc

What rot. This is so unbelievably nasty and uneducated. I usually find the lower working classes worse for thinking children should just "behave" hence the reason for all the shouting and name calling. Perhaps this is the category you fall into?