If you are an overnight guest in someone's home do you treat the bedroom you're staying in as though it's one of the communal areas?

[bluebirdholiday]

Genuine question,

Am just back from staying with a friend in the states. So I was a guest in their apartment, had a bedroom of my own. The apartment is all on one level and 'my' room was tucked away right at the end so not off a main thoroughfare.

I only had a small carry on bag of stuff as only there for a long weekend, but I guess I had things out in the room. Not dirty socks or whatever, but stuff on the dressing table and maybe I'd draped my clothes over the back of the chair.

Anyway, she had visitors over and really told me off about my 'messy' bedroom and how I had to tidy it up as people were coming over and they'd be in there.

I'd honestly never heard of this before. If I have house guests I don't go in to their bedrooms while they're staying let alone ask them to pack away all traces of their stuff?

I ask genuinely if AIBU as I'm not sure if this is an American thing, a general thing or I am nbu to have expected that I could put my things out in the guest bedroom.

Can't get over socks on an clothes horse in Boston being described as 'hip' by a previous poster 🤣

A very good friend of mine stayed with another very good friend of mine, but they don't know each other well if you see what I mean. One complained to me that house guest had left her bedroom an absolute tip and she was appalled...house guest mentioned that host seemed a bit particular and had shut the door pointedly on the room they were staying in.

As far as I can work out guest hadn't made the bed.....

OP, too much is being made about being an American/English cultural upbringing. It's not.

There are people wired up differently in every country on earth, and your friend is one of them.

She should never have gone into your bedroom while you were a guest, and never told you off for placing a few clothing items out of your suitcase in chairs.

This is all about her, her expectations and how she views a guest bedroom as her own because it is her house. Learn from it.

@bluebirdholiday - Did you not say to your friend "Actually friend, as that room is at the end of the corridor, and there isn't anything else off the room, and you've allowed me to use the room as your guest room, I'd really rather you or anyone else doesn't go into the room while I'm using it. It makes me uncomfortable." or something along those lines?

No I didn't say that, I would have put it in the op if I had?

You could have said something to her during your visit though particularly if it meant that you felt uncomfortable in her home. I wasn't really asking about a forensic analysis of your posts - it might have been something you could have said in a throw away comment to her in the middle of a conversation.

I understand that you hadn't mentioned it in a post but if this is as long a term friend, surely you would have felt at ease enough to bring it up in conversation, no?

I'm also interested to how how you responded at the time. Whilst I would never be so rude as to say I didn't want her to come in a room in her own house, I think a surprised 'oh sorry, I didn't realise the guests would be coming in that room' would have been my go to response. And her response to that would have given an idea of what her thinking was, eg 'they've not been here before so I was going to give them a tour'. But also, may have made her realise your expectations were different from hers.

However, the more I think about it, the more I think someone putting you up for a week at the time of their wedding, should get a bit of understanding if they are not as hospitable, or more fussy about tidiness etc than would be ideal. It's an intense time.

I wasn't there for a week, it was two nights why have you assumed it was a week? Very nice of her to put me up, though, I agree.

Yes I could have said something but I wasn't posting and AIBU about my response I was posting to check if what she was asking was normal for her because I couldn't work it out?

An American thing?? One individual does not represent the whole population!
Why are guests going in to bedrooms anyway? Unless they are new to the property and she wants to give them a tour. Otherwise a guest room, while occupied, is off limits even for host to enter.

Sorry I don't know where I got week from, I'm thought I read it somewhere, but obviously not.

I would create bunting out of crotchless knickers &period pants and festoon every window inside the house.

People are fucking weird. What on earth is offensive about undies, we all wear them.

She sounds like a rude arsehole.
Very strange behaviour to tolerate from a friend.

Does she generally leave you with a happy feeling? Then it's worth a chat. If she is more a friend out of long habit, I'd re-evaluate how mutual it really was.

(I have no idea what guests do in their room when staying with me. Very few have broken anything.)

I've never really got the bedrooms being private thing tbh. I mean, I'd probably hide the giant strap on and DH's gimp mask, but other than that - come on in!

No good deed goes unpunished, it seems. OP stayed with her friend for two days during her wedding week in a busy city. the friend was presumably flooded with other guests, friends, visitors, etc..in her house some of whom may have wandered around and into the back bedroom or she may have needed it back during the day to act as overflow space and not realized OP would treat it as a tip. She got upset and was rude to OP or at any rate made OP self conscious about her knicker creep and the poor friend gets slagged off on mumsnet and the whole country held up for contumely.

Good thing no one from the Boston area reads mumsnet! Except me, I suppose.

At what point was she 'punished'? I didn't do anything other than put my things away.

There were no knickers, seems a bit weird you've sat there and fantasised a story about a stranger's underwear but you get all sorts on here I guess.

Not much of a sense of humour, OP? I suppose the boot pinches when its on the other foot.

You weren't being funny, you were being weirdly aggressive.

Friend could have said no if not convenient

I actually hosted her at my house years ago when I got married and managed to not insult her into the process by the way.

Did the visitors go into your room and, if so, why?

I'm not sure, I didn't go down there while the guests were there after what she'd said.

The guest room is off limits to anyone but the guest in my house. I don’t go in there and I wouldn’t expect anyone else to go in there. Certainly wouldn’t whinge about it, I expect them to close the door (if they want) and be allowed privacy.