To laugh at the request to be godparents

[Woollypullover]

My friend's daughter, who we've been very close to throughout her life, has asked me and DH to be her baby's godparents.

We're both atheists and of course, therefore, didn't have our own DC christened.

She knows all of this, but still asked.

AIBU to think this is a ridiculous request?

Of course Christianity is part of British culture.

But there's an obvious difference to promising you will help instill a faith in a child.

It's obvious some people don't take it seriously and will just pay lip-service for the sake of tradition, but personally I would be uncomfortable with it. I like my promises to mean something.

Watch out for new parents who are only after free babysitting.

Don’t be rude about Christianity, it doesn’t make you look as intellectually superior as you think it does.

Fair enough, but to most people it is, as you say, lip service paid to tradition. So the OP is being a bit strange to find it so odd that she’s been asked.

Wow, OP. What a sneering heap of intolerance you are.

I say this as an atheist who did not Christen her children, marry in a church or am anyone’s godparents. My kids do go to a C of E school though. Guess I must be ‘daft’.

I have said no to this because I don't believe in god and neither do the women who asked me so really weird. I also have this anxiety when I approach a church, I just keep seeing images of pedophile men chasing my DS😱

Luckily coming from a long line of atheists I could reply "I wasn't christened myself so cant".

Not really, if she's been very outspoken about being an atheist, (which looks pretty certain from the way she's posted 😂) - it is pretty strange to be asked.

None of my friends ever asked me, (although I have been asked to be a guardian so it's not that I'm not close to people or would be a terrible influence 😂).

They knew me well enough that I wouldn't be interested in participating in that sort of thing. A secular equivalent, yeah, a religious one, no.

I think if you would feel uncomfortable about it that is completely fair enough, and I would hope any parents making the request would understand and respect your feelings if you politely explained that. It would be a lot better than OP’s suggested of laughing. I agree a secular naming ceremony and ‘guideparents’ would seem a more logical choice for non religious people, but some people do have a real affection for the tradition.

If you’ve scoffed at her request then I think you’ve been really rude and really disrespectful. I wonder whether you’d be so rude about any of the other religions practised in the UK? Or would you respect other religious beliefs even if you don’t share them? Would you tell a Muslim/Sikh/Jewish/Hindu person that it’s ridiculous to believe in a fictional malevolent character? Or is it just Christianity that is up for a bit of mockery?

It’s perfectly possible to christen a child without God parents. She can have her christening. You can be there for the child without having to make declarations you don’t believe in. Nobody’s religious beliefs are mocked. Everyone is happy.

You can. I was christened but my goddaughter’s godfather wasn’t. He just said he was.

It sounds like a naming ceremony would be more appropriate if the parent's aren't religious and they're wanting to appoint non religious mentors ('godparents'). I understand wanting to welcome and celebrate new life, but agree a Christening should be for babies who are going to be raised Christian

I’m curious as to how an atheist can call god a malevolent character, but leaving that aside. Don’t be offended by this. Thinking about choosing a godparent for many parents is thinking of who you’d want to have an influence in your child’s life, especially if something happened to you. It’s a compliment, decline graciously.

‘Most CofE Clergy’ know the scriptural and theological reasons for baptism and unfortunately they have to suck all that up to pander to the Instagram generation who think it’s just a naming party in a nice church with a piss up afterwards.

It is a religious ceremony where you promise to bring up a child in the faith. They could have had a party without that.

She seems to be laughing at the beliefs, afaics: 'Yes, it's bizarre how belief in a fictional, malevolent character trumps anything else'.
NB, I know what baptism means and do not need instructing. I am merely stating possible reasons for baptism, which have always existed apart from the meaning of the sacrament - ask King Guthrum why he was baptised, I am pretty sure it was not to affirm faith in Christ, but more likely to get Alfred's Saxons off his back.

Yes but at Christmas you don't stand up in front of a congregation who believe in this faith and make a promise to them about the baby jesus do you? 🤔

I can't believe so many people disrespect people of actual faith, stand up there are lie by saying they'll keep god in a child's life knowing full well they believe none of it, what an insult!

You need to politely ask her what she has in mind for the role. Many people have GPs without any religious expectations with reasons ranging from they want them to play a part in a Christening (like a type of usher!) because it's the done thing; to paying a compliment to people they're fond of; to trying to secure benefits for the child if you're wealthy/generous/well connected; to very serious expectations of guardianship should anything happen to them. Its often just a title for want of an alternative. Im not religious but my DC 'god mother' was the person who would have overseen their upbringing had it been necessary. You need to ask her what she expects from you then decide if you're prepared and willing. Obviously if you're wealthy she won't tell you that's why, so you need to employ your own scepticism to good use there!

'but most CofE clergy understand that it’s a symbolic way of welcoming'

No, we really don't!

As I wrote upthread, it would be a very sad thing to have such a special day for a child predicated on a lie.

The phrase was "malevolent fictional character."

And a majority of the people aren't Christian. You can put as many laws and traditions in place as you want, but if the people don't see themselves as Christian, it's not a Christian country.

"For the first time in a census of England and Wales, less than half of the population (46.2%, 27.5 million people) described themselves as “Christian”, a 13.1 percentage point decrease from 59.3% (33.3 million) in 2011; despite this decrease, “Christian” remained the most common response to the religion question."

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/culturalidentity/religion/bulletins/religionenglandandwales/census2021

I'm not, but I didn't have to lie because no-one asked me. The vicar knew I'm an atheist, she didn't mind. I didn't have to say anything I couldn't agree to. It was just something about guide and support. I held a candle. I didn't say the religious parts. I didn't pray.

I suppose if the family want a religious ceremony because they are believers but one of the people they want as God parent isn't, then you just have to find a way through.

I have all the same feelings as any other atheist does to religion, but I'm not that bothered by people believing, it doesn't impact me.

But if someone doesn't want to do it, they can just politely decline.

"Lots of children have "secular" godparents who have nothing to do with the Christian side of things" - so why involve a church at all?

I find it bizarre that so many people are insisting that being a godparent isn't religious anymore. It involves standing up in church and making promises about the child's religious upbringing. It even has the word "god" right there in the title! How could it possibly be unrelated to religion? The secular alternative is "guideparents", which makes much more sense.