To think this is exclusionary?

[DoNOTShakeItOff]

My DC attend a fantastic state primary. The head is like a pseudo mum to every DC in the school and the teachers are, so far at least, fab. Down to earth & approachable, like the head. There's absolutely no backstory or history, it's just this one issue that I need to know if I'm being ridiculous about. I guess this is more AIBR than AIBU!

The PTA. Now, if I was to guess I'd say a good 70% (if not more) of the parents at the school just happen to be middle class, given the area. Plenty of sports cars & Bentleys etc (I'm not saying any of this out of resentment btw as I've grown up round here and it's a fairly frequent sight). It is what it is, you get that in many areas. I helped out the PTA once and they're alllll clearly very wealthy people. All of them.

Trouble is, I regularly think they forget that this is, after all is said & done, a bloody state school! Not a private school. So not everyone is wealthy and still quite a few kids (my DC included due to my disabilities), receive pupil premium. Again, it is what it is. Our situation has arisen since DC arrived and was entirely unavoidable and not of my doing. Hence why DC go to state school and not private school.

Here's the issue - Twice a year, the PTA put on this 'Ball' for £60 a ticket and the flyer says this is open to all parents & staff. £60!

So obviously those of us who can’t justify £60 on a school event, don't buy a ticket. We just have to see the photos on social media of the staff, PTA & other wealthy parents posing in ball gowns at the local very prestigious 'hall'. It has an air of "This is what you're missing out on, paupers!" - I'm not the only parent to feel like this, btw. A few have commented on how exclusionary it is.
Also, this is whilst us 'paupers' get a £2.50 kids disco in the school hall and a bag of crisps. AIBR?!

I know I'll simply be declared 'jealous' by narrow minded posters looking for a pile on, but it's not about jealousy! It's so much more than that. I could afford to attend without much issue but I would never, ever attend any school event that excluded other parents based on cost. Even if I was driving around in a Bentley instead of my KIA!

Wait what - Bentleys? At a state primary?

You can try and make it look like it is an injustice more than it is invoking disabilities. The truth is that we all are exactly in the same position. And we all have to learn that we can do only within our means and be happy with it.

But of course, if it sounds better for you to teach that the world is injust because it doesn’t share its good with the ones not born with it or having less privilege so that you can grow disappointment, bitterness, anger and so that they really have no chance at all to find a place that will allow them any share in said wealth. Do that. With your own.

I never said it is pleasant. But disabilities has nothing to do in this but that it makes it worse. It is exactly the same for everyone.

Ooh wait! Are you in Rutshire @DoNOTShakeItOff?

You can afford to go but don’t because not everyone can afford to go?? Do you apply this to everything? You don’t go on holiday because not all the parents can afford to go eg? I find this bizarre…

But the disabled OP says she can afford to go with her kids because she gets additional benefits (her words) but is choosing not to go because she thinks the cost is exclusionary to others. So she is choosing to have her kids miss out as part of her crusade.

What next op? Checking the birthday and Christmas present lists of the whole school and deciding if they're allowed to be bought these gifts?

I think that this is an adults only ball so the OP choosing not to attend doesn't mean that her kids are missing out.

I don't know why some people are so outraged about someone taking a moral stance on an issue, even if they wouldn't do this themselves.

If your DC are eligible for pupil premium, why isn't the PP covering some of the cost of the school residential? What is the PP going on if not stuff like that? Schools have to publish what they spend it on btw, so it should be on their website.

PP is for kids from low income families to be able to have the same opportunities as everyone else, it should be going on the cost of school trips, uniform, music lessons, after school activities, and yes the school disco you seem to be a bit down on.

/Slightly missing the point of the thread

I know of any clubs where they CAN'T do something outside their mission statement though. For example:

• our board games club decide to go for a meal one night instead of board games. Unless their mission statement says they can't do anything other than their primary purpose of playing board games, there's no problem.
• My son's karate club, is still ok to hold a social and games night, even though it's main purpose is to teach karate.

I think the only way your argument might work is if the PTA mission statement says that they will do X number of fundraising events for the school each year, and in fact, they are counting the ball as one of those, but that seems unlikely.

Probably because it is not a moral stance, more of a judgement of use of money and doing so a judgement of the other parents at her school…
I don’t disagree with the all train of thoughts but with her application of it…and she asked what we were thinking about it.

People aren’t outraged but point at the unnecessary faff of it all.

Personally I would describe Bentley, sports cars and £60 tickets as upper not middle class. I have briefly worked in a school like that and none of the staff could afford tickets at that price. Or would have wanted to spend that money socialising with parents! You do sound bitter and it is hard yo accept that not everyone will be able to do everything. But a chat or email to the head mentioning the issues might help. But have some suggestions ready or organise a cheaper night out yourself.

The PTA isn't a club though. It's an organization of the school and a charity.

It seems like they are spending their energy on an expensive event for a few while not doing much about their actual purpose.

If some parents wanted to club together to do a ball that's their business, but it really isn't appropriate for a PTA.

I'd let them get on with their night out. Concentrate on organising some fundraising initiatives instead. Night at the races theme style events can raise lota of cash and be inclusive

That’s bonkers that a PTA event doesn’t raise money for the school. That’s literally what the PTA are for!

It would be better to make it £70/80 and the additional money is actual fundraising.

This thread was clearly grade A bull shit written by an OP that doesn’t understand the remit of a PTA, or the rules and regulations that apply to them. If everyone who bitched out their PTA, lent a hand with fundraisers, state and private schools would be fucking loaded.